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DS (3) won't leave the house and I don't know what to do

(312 Posts)
IncyWincyTincy Sun 17-May-20 10:19:04

That's it really, lockdown seems to have permanently altered him and he just won't leave the fucking house. It's definitely not through fear of the virus because we haven't spoken to him about it.

DH is at work and I'm stuck in the house with 3 children, one of home is desperate to go out but I can't physically get DS to go out the front door. All his friends are having lovely walks in the countryside burning off energy and I can't get him to even get off the sofa. I've banned all TV which has been painful because with a newborn and an older child to home school I needed something to distract him. But it's still not working 😭.

I don't know what to do, when schools go back how am I supposed to do the school run with a child that I can't get dressed let alone out the front door. I need his nursery to reopen I think to get some semblance of normality back.

At this point I'd take our chances with a virus with a very small chance of lasting health implications for us over more isolation that will definitely end badly for me and him. I can't cope anymore.

Does anyone have any experience with this, how can I get him to want to go out?!

formerbabe Sun 17-May-20 10:21:20

He's 3...pick him up and walk out of the house

NameChange30 Sun 17-May-20 10:22:11

You don't get him to want to, you just go.
I have a 3yo. I can usually persuade him. But occasionally I can't and we do it anyway.
Be the parent. Three year old will run rings around us if we let them.
(And yes I do allow my child a lot of choice and autonomy but no he does not get to decide 100% of the time.)

Igglepigglesgrubbyblanket Sun 17-May-20 10:22:54

Didn't want to read and run. I'd say you need to call the community health nurse. In our area the schools have sent round numbers to ring for non urgent childhood issues. We had a call with a nurse about a different issue and she was v. Helpful.

Smelborp Sun 17-May-20 10:23:26

How is his refusal manifesting? Is he anxious, angry or just plain old saying no?

OhioOhioOhio Sun 17-May-20 10:23:41

Yeah pick him up. 3 shit days of it and he'll have forgotten he hates it.

Smelborp Sun 17-May-20 10:24:08

I ask as it’s possible he’s picked up that there’s something scary outside and he may be worried about it but not able to articulate that.

vanillandhoney Sun 17-May-20 10:24:31

He's three.

You just pick him up, put him in the pram and take him. Surely a 3yo doesn't get to dictate like this?

reefedsail Sun 17-May-20 10:25:03

Do you still have a buggy? If not, maybe get one so you can just strap him in and go.

AlternativePerspective Sun 17-May-20 10:26:13

Be the parent.

You pick him up, strap him into the buggy if necessary,and then you leave the house.

If he screams then so be it.He’ll get there,and if he was previously a child who was happy to leave the house then he’ll get back there.

dontlikebeards Sun 17-May-20 10:27:16

Another vote for just do it, he is 3 you are the parent.

ClassicCola Sun 17-May-20 10:27:43

Bribery? Promise he can feed the ducks,take his scooter, take his favourite toy with him?

Legoandloldolls Sun 17-May-20 10:27:45

My dd5 will go for a wonder around the village but she point flat refuses to go out in the car. I'm trying a drive with dh today. Can your do try with him?

Cremebrule Sun 17-May-20 10:27:48

I think a lot of 3/4 year olds have been quite badly affected emotionally (although lots seem quite happy too). They’re at an age where they’ve picked up a lot but don’t fully understand what’s going on. I’ve got a friend whose little girl is terrified of seeing people now and completely freaks out about anyone crossing their path or being in the vicinity. Could he be scared?

IncyWincyTincy Sun 17-May-20 10:28:29

Thanks so much to everyone saying pick him up as if this is some epiphany I've yet to have. I've got a newborn. How do you propose I pick him up and get her out the house? The other day I managed to get him halfway down the road and he just stopped and refused to move. I had to try and carry him under my arm and push the pram with one hand (and he's heavy and again Ive just had a baby so Im not exact fighting fit right now), we kept ending up in the road and it was so stressful.

CherryPavlova Sun 17-May-20 10:29:33

Pick him up. Go outside. Shut front door. He’ll follow. Hand him duck food or a rucksack to carry shopping in.

Cremebrule Sun 17-May-20 10:29:43

I’d also say have people forgotten what a 3 year old is like? Mine would not fit in the buggy anymore and is much too heavy to carry kicking and screaming for any distance. At 2 I could have done that but not at 3.

arethereanyleftatall Sun 17-May-20 10:29:43

This is a bit strange op. He's 3. Either he's poorly; or he's not and you're in charge.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz Sun 17-May-20 10:29:54

Put the newborn in a sling. Strap the 3yo ing the buggy.

IncyWincyTincy Sun 17-May-20 10:30:08

I can't sling her and carry him because he flails around and it's too much of a risk he will hurt her.

When DH is home of course he can just pick him up and drag him out and he just screams the entire time we are out. Then we both end up shouting at each other.

AlternativePerspective Sun 17-May-20 10:30:38

Get a cheap buggy and a sling. Three year old strapped into the buggy, baby in the sling and then go.

dontdisturbmenow Sun 17-May-20 10:30:39

I thought it was a typo and he really is 13. If he is it 3, what is stopping you from grabbing him and taking him outside? He might have s massive tantrum but tough.

Unless he is crying in distress in which case there might be some anxieties that need investigating, you can't allow him to rule the roost at 3yo.

SuddenArborealStop Sun 17-May-20 10:30:47

It's fine everyone saying just do it but she has a newborn to deal with and maybe doesn't have a double buggy!
My two year old is like this some days now but he's always good once I get him out. Bribery can work but usually I remove something he wants until he complies, usually his dummy. Well done getting rid of the TV I don't think I could cope without it right now.

xyzandabc Sun 17-May-20 10:30:53

Pick one battle at a time. He doesn't need to be dressed, PJs will be fine. I would give a 10 min warning that this is what we are going to do, i.e go for a walk to xxxx then come home again. Then 5 mins, shoes on, then out.
Pick him up, put him outside then lock the door so he can't get back in. He may well kick and scream but stay calm, nice happy voice, keep talking, ignoring the tantrum. After a few times he will see that it's not scary and will probably find his own things to distract himself.

Shortfeet Sun 17-May-20 10:31:27

Get a sling for your Newborn baby . Lots of YouTube videos on how to fashion one from a shawl/ Length of fabric.

Proceed as per your previous outings .
Good luck!

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