To move house and uproot children?

[Sherbet99]

Hello wise women, I really would like some opinions on this.

We live in a nice safe area with good schools. It is good for my husband's commute. I have two boys. The eldest has ADHD. Things have been quite challenging being cooped up during this recent crisis.

I have wanted to move for a long time to someone where we can afford move living space and a bigger sunnier garden, a drive, greener surroundings, etc. The house we live in needs improvement and we just don't seem to have the time/motivation to do it.

We could move further out and get a bigger/better place. My partner's commute would also be discounted due to his work. I could work anywhere. I think me and my partner would benefit from the move, but am unsure about the kids.

AIBU to move my children at their age especially when my 7 year old with ADHD is settled in his local primary school? We can't afford what we want nearby. But the schools are good, the people are nice and the area is safe.

Opinions please? I need to make a decision one or another!

Thank you x

[Sherbet99]

I need to make a decision one way or another!

[LizzieSiddal]

If you can find good schools for your dc then I wouldn’t hesitate.

[PickWickPaper]

Move. Move now. At that age kids settle very quickly. I wish I’d moved then. My eldest is now in secondary school and very very attached to her friends. She cries if she even sees me on Rightmove and I feel trapped in central London until she leaves secondary, by which time I will have two move in secondary so I am basically trapped for the next 11 years.

[LizzieSiddal]

And yes I agree with PickWick, you need to do it while the dc are young. Once they get to Y6, it’s much much harder for them.

[dontdisturbmenow]

A move is an excellent opportunity for kids to learn about resilience and adaptability. Changes are rarely pleasant when you're settled so it's important to learn to cope with it when we are bound to face uncontrollable changes in our lives.

I think too many kids face high level.of anxiety when faced with chances because they were overprotected from it when younger.

It's all about ensuring they are supported to their level of need during this time so their confidence goes up as they realise they can cope well rather than the opposite.

[OnlyJudyCanJudgeMe]

Move & don’t look back.

[Lucywilde]

Normally I wouldn’t hesitate but it’s your dc with adhd I would worry about. But it depends how they cope. I’d very strongly check out schools and their Sen provision first.

[nervousnelly8]

I moved country back to the UK when I was 8. It's a good age to do it. I have friends now who I have known since primary school and have very strong roots. My brother (2 years older) found it much harder. He went into Y6 of primary and wasnt able to settle at all. So, if you're going to do it, I would personally bite the bullet before it gets more challenging for the kids socially.

[PickWickPaper]

I think this pandemic may result in several years of on and off lockdown if they don’t find a vaccine. And with the size of the world population more future pandemics are likely. Maybe much worse than this. You need your home to be as lovely as you can make it as we may find we will be home a lot more in future.

[GreyishDays]

What are secondary schools like in the new area?

[Ploughingthrough]

I would move. Children are very flexible during the primary years. Its moving during secondary you want to avoid if you can.

[Sherbet99]

We haven't actually decided on the area yet. But would take school catchment areas into account with our choice.

Looking at parts of Kent and Essex.

Yes the ADHD is my main concern.

Thanks everyone, please vote if you have an opinion :-)

[HugeAckmansWife]

I actually disagree. I moved when mine were 5 and 7 and they still talk about their old school and old friends. Where we moved too is nice but doesn't have the same community feel.. The kids are more spread out from their friends and some years on I still feel guilty for moving them for more financial security following divorce. DS has mild ASD and has never really been accepted by the kids at his new school, he's the 'weird one' whereas the kids at his original school knew from nursery and accepted his quirks. If things are basically good where ou are I'd stay and prioritise improving your current house. You might find if you commit to the idea of staying you'll find the motivation.

[Sherbet99]

Thanks everyone, all really good points. Still can't decide, think I'm going to have write a pros and cons list and see if that helps?

Also, not a great time to move is it!