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Son looks exactly like abusive ex

(5 Posts)
IchaneNameMgy Sun 17-May-20 08:25:05

Not an AIBU, i posted here for the traffic

DP recently shaved DS's hair - DS loves it and calls it his fuzzy head grin

I have never realised before that my son is the absolute double of my ex ( his father ) Ex named DS and called him after himself. So not only does he have his name but now he looks just like him aswell.

Since DP shaved DS's hair when i look at DS i keep getting flashbacks of the past. I have not seen ex in nearly 3 years, it went to court and he isnt allowed to contact me or the kids.

I havnt mentioned anything to DP as i feel daft. But everytime i look at my little boy all i can see is the man who raped me and attacked me.

I have treated DS as i normally would, if anything I've been even more loving because I feel bad that he reminds me of my ex

Has anyone got any advice on how I can deal with these flashbacks until DS's hair grows back?

DS got in bed with me last night and when i woke up I had adrenline rush as soon as i opened my eyes seeing what looked like ex right next to me

I know not a lot can be done and i just have to wait till his hair grows back but this is horrific

OP’s posts: |
TheSheepofWallSt Sun 17-May-20 08:37:18

Oh OP... this must be awful for you - well done for recognising this and “love bombing” your little boy whilst you work through this.

Talk to your DP about it, if you’re sure he won’t say anything in front of your DS- even in jest- later. A problem shared and all that.

I would say also though, that if you haven’t Yet, you might benefit from counselling or therapy - or if you have had therapy, it might be a good idea to book in for a block of sessions to deal with this specific issue. Your DS might look like your ex increasingly as he gets older and his face loses baby fat, and you can’t spend the rest of your life traumatised. It will affect both of you.

flowers for you. I feel for you OP.

IchaneNameMgy Sun 17-May-20 08:52:50

Thank you for replying

No DP wouldnt joke about it. We don't mention my ex as my children have no recollection of him. They were both very young when i left ( 2 & less than a year old )

I know it would be better to talk to DP but I feel stupid and if im honest I feel embarressed because of the way it has made me feel. It has took me a long time to find my strength and now looking at DS i just feek weak and helpless like i used to

This will not affect the way i treat DS, i know he isn't his father and he is really loving towards me which really helps

I did have a few weekly counselling sessions and was about to try CBT therapy with my counsellor but they removed me from their service for missing 2 sessions

( Both times they had made me an appointment for 2pm which wasnt possible as i had to pick DS up from nursery at 12pm and DD from school at 3pm, they let you change it but take the change as a missed appointment )

So i have to start from the beginning again and get a new referal from my GP. As childcare was such an issue last time ive decided to wait until DS is at school so I have a full slot of 9am-3pm to make an appointment and get back in time for the kids

Thank you for replying

OP’s posts: |
Emelene Sun 17-May-20 14:17:25

A lot of things are happening online at the moment so it might be worth getting the ball rolling with your GP if you'd like therapy. Could you have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder? thanks

IchaneNameMgy Mon 18-May-20 11:07:15

Im going to seem very dim now but from having a look online I can self refer myself. I didnt realise that blush I thought I had to get a GP referal

The counsellor mentioned I showed some signs of PTSD and i think CBT therapy was supposed to help with that

OP’s posts: |

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