I’m a first time mum to a 6 month old boy, very happily married. I have suffered with depression but not for 5 years, I’ve been doing well, no medication etc managing my health with diet and exercise. During lockdown I’ve had to shield because of a health issue. Therefore I have not left our marital flat for 6 weeks. I had a very sudden, emotional breakdown one evening. I felt like I couldn’t breathe and began scratching at my neck- a self harm action I had used to do but haven’t done for over 5 years. My husband pushed me back on to the bed I was sitting on, pinning my arms down to prevent my attacking myself. He did this gently and with care. He called 999 as he was concerned about me as he’s never seen me in that state of distress- the whole event however lasted only about 1-2 minutes. The police passed this on to social services as they said what he did is domestic violence?! And that as such our son is at significant risk of harm. My husband was preventing me from harming myself and it seems lunacy that he would call 999 if he was perpetrating some form of violence! We have now had social services come to our flat and they are carrying out an assessment under section 47 of the children’s act. I’m reeling from shock and feel the situation is entirely absurd. We have never had the police or an ambulance called to our home before. We love and adore our little boy and wouldn’t harm a hair on his head. I understand self harm is wrong, but it was a coping mechanism used only ever against myself- certainly never anyone else! And it’s certainly not something that is usual for me. The baby has met all milestones, has never had any health issues, and even in the police report they noted he seemed a happy healthy baby and was well kept in appearance. I know this shouldn’t matter but we have a nice home, he has an abundance of toys, he has good clothes, we have a lovely routine each day with lots of play activities and always do what I call ‘big’ activities twice a week- I.e home made edible paint, coloured spaghetti play, jelly play etc. he’s bathed every day, all his solids are carefully prepared looking at iron and vitamin quantities. I’ve done a first aid course for toddlers and babies run by our local hospital, did a baby massage course and we attended a baby class 4 times a week prior to the lockdown (we went to the zoo every Tuesday as we have a pass for there and he loved looking at the giraffes and fish of all things!) he’s read to twice a day, we do nursery rhymes and counting songs with actions and puppets every day (I’m a teacher so education is of course a big thing!) I just would not have placed us in this situation in a million years. We have been told social services can make unannounced visits at any point during the next 45 days whilst the assessment is undertaken. This is horrendous. Every time I make a family meal I have to wash all the dishes used in preparation before I can eat as I’m scared they’ll think I’m not keeping a clean home. Preparing the baby food for the next week today (a lot of vegetable chopping and peeling) was horrible as I had to keep washing and wiping the surfaces every minute I was so worried they’d suddenly appear at the door. After consultation with my doctor I am now going for a daily walk outside, I have also stepped up my contact with my family and friends and my husband has bought me some exercise equipment so I can exercise in the house. I feel back to normal in all ways but not this worry is just overwhelming. Can they take my son away over this? Can we challenge this in any way? I’m so mortified and ashamed by the whole event and having social services involved I don’t feel able to ask anyone openly for advice about the situation. Are they likely to be involved throughout his life now? My husband and I feel so segregated as we can’t talk to anyone about their involvement for embarrassment and shame. If anyone can offer any advice, it would be most gratefully received.
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