All good with you?

[JasonPollack]

It may be that I am unreasonable and hormonal. I am stuck in hospital and I am grumpy.

But AIBU to think that "All good with you" is not the same as asking "How are you". It's "how are you"'s lazy insincere cousin. It's saying, "confirm for me that you are fine because I'm not interested in the detail".

[Pelleas]

We need more context - who is saying this to you?

[LonginesPrime]

I agree, OP.

I think it's harder to say 'no, actually it's not, I'm in hospital' as the expectation is that it is all good.

Whereas 'how are you?' is neutral and there's no expectation of a positive answer preloaded into the question.

[Windyatthebeach]

Isn't' How are you? 'pointless though? Nobody is really!!

[LonginesPrime]

Of course, it doesn't mean the person saying it meant to be arsey or doesn't care - they probably just didn't think and wrongly assumed that if they're in a good place, then other people probably are too.

[Colom]

I get what you're saying but where I'm from "how are you" also presupposes a positive answer. The only appropriate answer to it is "good, thanks" or "fine, thank you" etc. people would be agog if you answered with some variation of:

"well actually I'm not great, my husband is a knob, my dog pissed on the floor this morning and my hemmorids are playing up" etc. etc.

Hope you get better soon OP!

[JasonPollack]

But then how do you actually find out how someone is @Colom ?

The person asking is my mother. I might be being extra unreasonable because she sent it after a 'happy one week birthday' message for my newborn. Except that she's got the day wrong. And I'm not all good. And honestly why would you expect someone who has just given birth and is recovering from a pp haemorrhage to be all good?

[LonginesPrime]

she sent it after a 'happy one week birthday' message for my newborn. Except that she's got the day wrong

Sorry, OP - I know it sucks to be in hospital and recovering from a traumatic birth, but there is a funny side to the fact your DM can't count to 7, surely?

If she's just a bit scatty, then I would just laugh it off.

On the other hand, if you think she's deliberately being disinterested to upset you because she's a bit of a narcissist, I would also just laugh it off, because if that's the case, she's trying to get the exact reaction you're having.

Honestly, either way, it's not worth the energy to worry about. Just concentrate on your new baby and on getting better and out of hospital - don't let her have that power over you where a couple of quick texts from her can ruin your day!

If you think her behaviour is deliberate to upset you, I wouldn't share too much anyway as she'll just use it against you to upset you further.

[JasonPollack]

Thanks @LonginesPrime that's good advice. I think that it probably is deliberate, she is angry that she hasn't been involved with the birth etc because of the virus. She wouldn't ever admit it though which makes it so hard to interact with her.

Thanks for taking the time I really appreciate it.

[Colom]

Gosh sorry JasonPollack I thought you meant like an acquaintance/random person asking in passing. I wasn't thinking of close family/friends. YANBU to expect more of your mum