Advanced search

Child maintenance over 18

(14 Posts)
KP73Daisy Sat 16-May-20 12:46:20

I’m new to mums net so hello everyone 👋
If anyone has advice on my situation I would be very grateful. My ex husband and I divorced 8 years ago and a ‘Christmas consent order’ was put in place which covered 2 children. My Ds has now reached 18 and is not currently in education so the payment for him has ceased (which is correct on our wording) as it was up to age 18 or end of full time secondary education whichever was later.
So my ds has decided to return to full time education in September and the course is an ‘approved’ course so I should be able to reclaim child benefit for him. I have approached ex husband to discuss going forward in September and that we need to review but he is refusing to discuss and saying he will not pay anything to me for him full stop. My question is although the consent order is still in force for my dd who is 14 currently. Would I be able to apply to CMS in respect of ds once in fte as the consent order no longer covers him.
My ds will be financially dependent on me.
My ex husband is not easily approachable and hates paying ‘me’ anything.
Thank you for your time.

OP’s posts: |
MorningNinja Sat 16-May-20 12:52:36

Your DS is 18 and as far as I'm aware it stops at 18. He is now an adult and master of his own destiny so should be looking for part time work to help you along.

I'm fully aware that there will be posters thinking otherwise but separated family or not - if they are 18 and wish to study they cannot expect to not contribute in some way to the family home if that is what is required.

Poptart4 Sat 16-May-20 13:06:48

At 18 I was going to college and working 2 part time jobs. Shop during the week and pub at weekends. I still lived with my parents so my living costs were minimal but I was expected to fully cover all other costs eg. Clothes, school supplies, bus fares, social life etc.

I honestly dont understand the mentality these days that parents should still be fully covering all expenses for their adult children.

Your ex is right not to pay. Your son is not a child anymore. If you want to baby him that's on you.

AJPTaylor Sat 16-May-20 13:27:07

Blimey. It's a fair question. Lots of children continue their secondary education with an extra year. Missing out on crucial GCSE grades often means doing a one year level 2 at college followed by a 2 year level 3. Or picking the wrong a levels. Supporting their education is not babying them.

eeyore228 Sat 16-May-20 13:33:14

If you have a consent order can you go to the CMS? I am aware that you can pay up to the age of 19 whilst in full time education but the order you had was obviously made prior to changes in the education system and I get that. Yet I also get your ex’s viewpoint. The order ceased and he has presumably complied and therefore may well have used that money believing it to be his again - rightly or wrongly. Now he’s being told the goal posts have moved and you want money again, so I get both sides. Apologies if I misunderstood anything but essentially going to the CMS may mean he’s forced to pay a lot more than you previously agreed, I can see why he’s said no.

EmbarrassedUser Sat 16-May-20 13:34:21

You can get it up to 19 if he’s in full time education and you’re claiming CHB. I would approach your ex or the CMS.

MorningNinja Sat 16-May-20 13:35:15

I'm not against parents helping their DC if they wish. Yes, if you can afford to do it then give them a hand...but this is a choice and the ex-partner has chosen not to. That is a decision that is being made all over the country by separated families and non-separated families. Just because the OP wants it, shouldn't mean he has to do it.

Missillusioned Sat 16-May-20 13:36:23

Would the ex be more amenable to paying money directly to the son?

HugeAckmansWife Sat 16-May-20 13:37:49

I think very few 18 year olds are financially independent of their parents. He's studying to attain qualifications, not loafing about on his x box. Why should one parent bear all the cost of this? Maybe the op should suggest the son goes to live with his dad instead and then see how he feels about the nrp not contributing. I don't know about the legalities but I am 100% certain that morally he should be contributing toward his sons living costs while he is FTE

BeforeIPutOnMyMakeup Sat 16-May-20 13:42:36

As PPs said - when a child reaches 18 it is better to get the other parent to agree to pay any money to them directly until they leave full-time education.

If you go to the CMS and the amount your ex has to pay for your son is less, then he will ask to be assessed for your younger child as well as your consent order is over 13 months ago.

RememberTheSunnierDays Sat 16-May-20 13:47:45

The OP said the wording is “18 or education, whichever comes later”. Based on the wording, irrespective of the 18YO making a new choice, it would appear dad is liable. I would contact CMS and go from there.

LemonSqueezy0 Sat 16-May-20 13:50:52

Leaving aside the perceived rights or wrongs of the situation, I would check if you can claim, seeing as there has been a break in education. It should state whether or not this is a factor in the cms guidelines

1moresurvey Sat 16-May-20 14:34:38

Fgs 20 yrs old is when the nr parent stops paying for any child still in education. Stop hounding OP about it, that's the rules for everyone

KP73Daisy Sat 16-May-20 14:50:32

Thanks for your input. Actually ds has worked since the age of 16 part time and full time. He has been on an approved apprenticeship for past year but now currently furloughed and the industry he is working in is not likely to start up until possibly next year so when the furlough scheme ends, unfortunately so will his part time income, through no fault of his own so no he’s not lazy just actually trying to think ahead as job opportunities have plummeted and being in education right now is probably the most sensible option as applied to unemployed. As I have a Christmas consent order I can not revoke this via cms which actually no I wouldn’t think is fair either. It’s more that the circumstances have changed and he will be in fte so child benefit becomes payable again And therefore the question as parental contributions are currently one sided.

OP’s posts: |

Join the discussion

Registering is free, quick, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Get started »