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Unacknowledged gift, lost and then found with no apology; AIBU to expect one?

(6 Posts)
Tigerzmum Sat 16-May-20 09:16:11

I attended the naming ceremony of the newly born child to our extended family. This meant a drive from the south-east up to a village near Manchester during the storm in mid- February this year, (11 hours round trip in precarious weather). There, I happily gave a present consisting an ornamental gift, gift cards and a significant amount of money on behalf of our family, handing it to the new proud maternal grandmother. Only to find 2 weeks later that the new Mother reported to my Mother that no gift was given to her at all! -Implying she knew not of the gift.

My mother, who I have had a difficult relationship with for decades, immediately believed this, and my relationship with her, (my Mother), has further gone downhill.

Yesterday, 3 months later, the new Mother, has called me to state that the money and items have been found; -And they were indeed delivered by me. ( My mother and sister had been informed before the call to me.) Neither called me to notify me that the items had now been acknowledged as indeed given.

AIBU to expect an apology from my Mother and or sister for doubting my word, over and above a distant relative? -and a show of appreciation for my extraordinary effort under the circumstance.

OP’s posts: |
Grumpylockeddownwoman Sat 16-May-20 09:44:32

Sorry but I find it beyond rude that the new mother contacted your family to complain that you hadn’t given a gift.

Marlouse Sat 16-May-20 09:58:15

I feel you totally deserve an apology, but I doubt you are going to get one. So I do believe YABU to expect one tbh.
The way you have been treated is really unfair. Does that happen more often within your family?

dontgobaconmyheart Sat 16-May-20 09:59:04

The whole thing is a bit over the top OP. You shouldn't have driven in such extreme weather for a non emergency anyway so I'm not sure you can use the weather as evidence.

Yes its obviously an unfair situation and they are rude for mentioning it at all, let alone it causing falling outs. Do you want to make it the hill you die on though? In these matters you can feel you want an apology as much as you like, doesn't mean you'll get one and if your mother wants less of a relationship with you over a christening gift then what kind of person is she confused. If you want to resolve this with her why not discuss it calmly as adults rather than demand an apology.

I'd chalk it up to experience and spend less next time/post it.

AJPTaylor Sat 16-May-20 10:11:25

Sounds like typical behaviour from your mother from what you have said.
Yanbu unreasonable to think that an apology is civil. Yabu to think one will happen.

cantarina Sat 16-May-20 10:13:18

You won't get the apology but at least you now do have the satisfaction of being right. I wouldn't hesitate to bring it up a lot in future ....'tinkly laugh...oh don't be ridiculous mum, this is just like that time you accused me of not handing over a present at the naming ceremony, and we know how that ended, don't we.."

However, the big question here is how you see your relationship with your mum and sister and how you might want to manage it in future. The lack of trust they have in you must be hard to live with and I bet there are other situations where you are the whipping boy. You can't change them - but you can change you, and change how much air time you give them.

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