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AIBU to ask if anyone can share inspiring stories of how they turned their life around?

(11 Posts)
LucyPL29 Fri 15-May-20 17:25:17

I am 29 and a single mother of a toddler and a 5 year old. My children are from separate relationships and neither have contact with their fathers (their choices). I've made some shitty life decisions and I take full responsibility for that. I have just come out of a period of severe depression where quite frankly, I was a rubbish mum. The kids and I are now doing well and we're happy. I feel really proud of myself for turning things around but still, life isn't exactly how I want it to be. I'm on benefits and live in a council flat. I have dreams of becoming a social worker. I have written down the steps that are needed to achieve this and I am starting with passing my driving test. I've been saving up to start as soon as lockdown is lifted and I've been revising the theory test online which is going well. I have emailed the local college about an access course which will then lead on to a university degree. Has anyone else ever been in a similar position or can provide me with any inspiring stories? My mother is a drunk and I don't have many friends believing in me, but I believe in myself. I won't let my children become another statistic.

OP’s posts: |
Cocktail4one Fri 15-May-20 21:01:57

Hi LucyP

I was in a similar situation to you years ago and we are the same age. Im still in a low paid job and I am planning to go to university but need to sort out a mortgage first. I think it’s brilliant that you have written down a goal list. Im similar to you in that I had a bad relationship for 7 years and my mother is an alcoholic, so is my father who has been in prison for years. So I don’t really have any family relationships or friends, I wasn’t able to keep friends during the 7 year relationship. I have now been out of that relationship for 6 years now and I'm married to someone totally different.

I hate seeing how unfair life can be for young girls who are then expected to have a normal life, decent job and are mostly left with children to try and care for. Im so glad that you are staying positive and trust me, I believe in you and every other woman on mumsnet will believe in you. It will take time and patience however little by little you will get a better life! Sending good luck to you x

NowSissyThatWalk Fri 15-May-20 21:09:37

That's a lovely post @cocktail
I believe in you too OP.
It's amazing you've pulled yourself out of the black pit, as it were. My mother was never great at that and never cared to shield us from it in any way, so massive kudos to you for that.
Try to be patient with yourself.
5 years ago I'd left a horrible relationship, had no job prospects and was living in my mates spare room with just the clothes on my back.
I somehow managed to apply for the police through the fog, it was really the only thing I had to focus on.
5 years later I'm a Sgt in the police, am married to wonderful man and live in a lovely home.
I sometimes reflect on how far I've come and I know you will do the same, the fact you're even asking this question shows that. flowers

shadesofwinter Fri 15-May-20 21:10:13

Wow. What you're doing is amazing. Such an incredible role model for your children.

You are awesome OP 🙇‍♀️

Waxonwaxoff0 Fri 15-May-20 21:26:52

I'm your age. I was divorced with a child by age 23. Spent a long while on benefits and dated some terrible men. I rented the cheapest flat I could so I could save up some money. I went back to work, low paid job but it's a job I enjoy. I saved enough money to buy my first house in January. Just a little 2 bedroom semi but it's mine. I move in next month.

I'm still working on myself but life is so much better than it used to be.

JaceLancs Fri 15-May-20 21:32:14

I was an unemployed lone parent of DC 4 and 5
I increased my confidence by volunteering then got bits of jobs in voluntary sector that fitted round school hours
Increased hours and jobs responsibilities as they got older
I’m now mid 50s got both DC through university and into great careers, own my own home and am CEO of a charity with an income that meets my needs
I’ve had many happy relationships along the way but don’t need to be in one to define myself and am mostly happy

Triggahippy Fri 15-May-20 21:34:58

Hi OP.
I was a young Mum on benefits, living in a hostel at one point and several horrible flats. I had no family support other than dh as my family are all drinkers and/or long term benefit users. I had some GCSEs but hasn’t worked anywhere other than bars or as a cleaner.
I went back to uni when dds were small and have now got a good stable job and a lovely home (rented but in a great area). I’m far from rich but I’m very happy and fulfilled. I’m no longer waiting for benefit day to buy some fruit for my kids. You sound really focused and motivated- you can do it!

BlessYourCottonSocks Fri 15-May-20 21:43:23

Yes. Honestly, you can do it and well done on taking the first steps.

I had a 2 yo, a 1yo and was 7 months pregnant when my arsehole of an ex left me. I'd left school at 17 with about 5 crap O levels (old GCSEs). I applied to uni to do a History degree - fortunately in the old days before you had to pay - and was accepted, to my amazement, even though I didn't even have A levels, cos I'd dropped out. They were just starting up (old Polytechnic) and I suspect were desperate for takers, and I was a mature student. Like you, I was 29.

I started a full time degree with a 3 yo, 2 yo and 6 months old baby, got my lectures into 3 days a week and juggled childcare options. My parents had them one day, my ex MIL another, and my SIL on another. I'm so grateful to them. I graduated with a 2:1 in History and am now a Head of History and love my job.

My kids are grown up (eldest is nearly 30 now), I've got another DH and had 2 more DC with him who are teens. I'm late 50s and very, very happy.

But the thing I'm proudest of in my whole life is that I applied for that uni degree, rather than giving up and feeling overwhelmed. I believe you can do it. You've taken great steps and the first step is always the hardest. Keep going, OP - you've a great life ahead of you and so have your children.

P999 Fri 15-May-20 22:01:12

By just reading your post OP, it's sounds like you will do just great. It's all about attitude. And, crucially learning from your mistakes in life (And by Christ have I made millions of those myself). Am much older than you and have observed that when you make excuses for your mistakes, or are in denial, it's bad news. But when you learn and grow from them, you are wiser and more interesting than if you'd never made them in the first place. You sound awesome.

3rdNamechange Fri 15-May-20 22:10:30

Go for it, you'll have lots of relevant life experience to help people.
Another single mother here , went to university when my child was 10.
Got a degree , bought a house.
Happy now. Good luck.

FuckYouCovid Fri 15-May-20 22:24:13

You are already doing a good job. You don't need anyone else's approval, trust me.

I had a DC aged 16. Went back to college and then on to university. Now have a well paid job that I love.

Think one important thing to do is stay single, at least in front of the kids. This is your and your children's time. A man can come later.

Forgive yourself, move on, have goals and stick 2 fingers up at the doubters.

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