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To ask if you harbour secret fantasies about getting revenge on your nightmare next-door neighbours? ***light-hearted***

(57 Posts)
swampusdonkus Fri 15-May-20 15:05:05

Ok, so we live in a semi and are joined on to the most inconsiderate, arsehole neighbours who display a catalogue of antisocial and prickish behaviours. They think it is ok to:

* have loud, sweary hot tub parties all year round, at all times of day and night. Lots of pissed-up cackling, swearing etc - knowing we have very young dc a few feet away in the next garden. They also have dc, mostly tweens and young teens.

* park right up against our gate post knowing we don't have a car that floats or magically rotates 360 degrees, meaning we have to do 56 manoeuvres to get out of our drive.

* have an untrained idiot dog (not its' fault) that barks constantly if you so much as cough in our garden, and then hurls itself against our shared fence growling and barking, scaring our dc.

* do a half-arsed job of replacing the fence panels that divide our gardens that blew down last Winter so that they had to do another half-arsed job of replacing them last month. Only this time they came into our garden without asking or telling us, pulled dc's swing over, which was 'bolted' into the grass, left it lying on its side, and leaving a fuck off slab of concrete foundation on OUR side of the 6' fence which we can't bloody move.

* to blast Wonderwall (ironic, no?) at full blast day and night. When we ask if they can turn it down a bit they just yell loudly "it's not fucking loud."

There are other examples, but you get the picture.

We have tried reasoning with them; we are all adults and it is preferable to co-exist in relative harmony with your neighbours rather than feel constant tension, but they are just so bloody self-centred and inconsiderate. And they refuse to engage; their stock answer to any polite requests is "it's our house, we can do what the fuck we like." The dh even has a twattish clap, as evidenced every Thursday - you know the type that says "I man, I clap loud, I make big echo with big alpha male shovel hands"? But I digress slightly.

TBF it could be a lot worse, but it is the constant low-ish level every-single-day prickishness that is wearying. I have in the past argued with them through the wonky fence but we decided to just ignore them as best we can, to go out and enjoy our garden as and when we want and just block them out. They might revel in annoying us but they fail to realise, or don't care, that they are also fucking off the other 7 or so households in the vicinity.

So AIBU in asking if you harbour secret fantasies about getting revenge on your nightmare next door neighbours? My current favourite fantasy is lobbing a plugged in toaster over the fence, perfectly aimed so it lands in their hot tub during one of their 'parties'. N.B. I am NOT condoning or encouraging the mixing of electrical goods and water in any way, or inciting actual violent behaviour. This is purely comic book fantasy level stuff.

Also, we rent and will be moving out in three months so wevenge will soon be ours, yay.

YABU - no, I harbour no such secret revenge fantasies against my nightmare next-door neighbours, instead I ...

YANBU - yes, I have such revenge fantasies about my nightmare neighbours, an example being ...

OP’s posts: |
Jupiters Fri 15-May-20 15:12:15

I definitely harbor these fantasies!

House is going up for sale as soon as this is all over!

ViciousJackdaw Fri 15-May-20 15:13:00

Oh yes, the woman next door but one is a manky old fishwife. I would like to get an unloaded gift card for Tesco and send it to her, along with a fake letter from Take a Break, saying she's won £100 to spend in store. Either that or punch her hard in the face.

HairyFloppins Fri 15-May-20 15:13:43

Sounds like my neighbours. We are currently decorating to move soon. Worried about property prices now.

I hope someone really nasty and noisy buys our house.

catinb0oots Fri 15-May-20 15:16:39

I changed my WiFi at my old house to 'terrible haircut sue'

Eeyoresstickhouse Fri 15-May-20 15:17:22

I am soooooooo with you!

Mine are noisy, drug addled horrible specimens of the human race. I wish there was such a thing as a dodgy batch of weed that would take them out permanently. We are currently trying to sell and I can see it being a disaster.

catinb0oots Fri 15-May-20 15:17:31

We were a pair of rural cottages btw so she knew it was about her grin

Candy150 Fri 15-May-20 15:19:39

@catinb0oots that made me chuckle!

HairyFloppins Fri 15-May-20 15:22:14

I feel like there is going to be a lot of houses for sale soon.

How can be avoid terrible neighbours next time round?

EineReiseDurchDieZeit Fri 15-May-20 15:24:17

Oh absolutely. Next door has a BOOMING voice but simultaneously whiny AF that carries and is constantly at his door smoking. You literally cant leave or enter without him appearing and demanding to know where you've been and if its the shops what you've bought.

Also a drunk.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily Fri 15-May-20 15:27:59

You’re moving, you say? Oh OP, you really do need that sound system that you’re going to play some wonderfully loud classical music. Of course when they come around to complain, you will need to use that loud hailer so that they can hear you say, over the music, “IT’S NOT LOUD. I’VE NO IDEA WGAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!”, before slamming the door in their faces.

catfeets Fri 15-May-20 15:28:59

@HairyFloppins that's exactly what I was going to say. I hope she ends up with the worst neighbours imaginable and they make her life as big a hell as she's made mine.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily Fri 15-May-20 15:33:45

I actually fantasise about winning enough money to move and renting out my home to absolute horrors. I would advertise in the local people that it a fantastic house for parties, due to the large kitchen and mud room and suitable for those not currently in employment. Not because I judge those not in employment, but because I know they’ll be home 24hrs a day so late nights will mean nothing to them. grin Obviously no children as I want scumbags that party, but not at the expense of children.

MuddlingMackem Fri 15-May-20 15:34:46

OP, I think you should introduce some online music lessons for the children during lockdown. I've read on here that violin is particularly horrific for the first couple of years, so of course you'll want them to do their lessons in the back garden. grin

HopeYouStepOnALego Fri 15-May-20 15:36:34

I'm guessing straight after lock down is not the right time to think of moving because by the sound of it, all the houses for sale will be next door to wanker neighbours!

StoorieHoose Fri 15-May-20 15:38:00

We had awful upstairs neighbours that made selling up very difficult - think drunk man sleeping in the doorway occasionally waking to shout and swear at his girlfriend nearly every time we had viewers coming.

We moved back into our parents a month before we were due to move out as we couldn't stand it any longer but we were still going back to check the flat as our stuff was still in there - after a mouthful of abuse one time I unboxed the stereo and a timer plug and set the radio to classical FM and volume up full blast to play and random times during the day and night. Wankers made my life hell the full year I lived there so I got the buggers back

feedmecheese Fri 15-May-20 15:38:24

I had selfish prick neighbours for a while a few years ago. It was a shared house with about 5 blokes in who seemed to have friends over most evenings with loud music/smoking dope etc in the yard outside our window (more so at weekends). I fantasised about getting industrial size speakers (I know someone with them) to blast our bagpipe music at 6am when I got up for work and 'forgetting' to turn them off. In the end, revenge was even better as the house was sold on to someone I vaguely knew so I was able to report them to their landlord and he was good enough to get on to them and also report them to their college (apparently there was a clause in their rent agreement linking their college place and being 'good neighbours'.

swampusdonkus Fri 15-May-20 15:44:44

Oh these are great 😂
I feel so less alone now!

I love the empty voucher and fake Take a Break 'prize'. Will also be looking at changing the WiFi name too. Maybe to 'twattish clapper & dw who makes Sharon Osbourne look refined'. Wonder if there is a character limit on them 😁

OP’s posts: |
swampusdonkus Fri 15-May-20 15:46:40

But also sorry that you live or lived next door to such pricks. It's not fun at all.

OP’s posts: |
fringeandtrainers Fri 15-May-20 15:49:54

The idea of throwing manure on their barbecue (which they get out EVERY DAY) or hacking into their youtube playlist to change their soundtracks from 'bass crap' to boring TED talks or similar seems quite appealing.

We are thinking of selling up too!

fringeandtrainers Fri 15-May-20 15:50:35

PS so totally enjoying the hysterical 'PRICES WILL DROP BY 30%' threads on here.

StillSmallVoice Fri 15-May-20 15:52:59

Not me, but DD who has awful neighbours. Dog barking all day, constant parties in the back garden during lockdown, arguments, dropping fag ends in her garden (they have right of way for the bins), bad music play loudly.

I have suggested she develop an interest in Wagner, or maybe twentieth century atonal music.

mooching Fri 15-May-20 15:57:44

Lecturing our ten year old DS for twenty minutes over the fence that their extension is MUCH better than ours (he is sore that ours is bigger and that we got it professionally designed so that it doesn't leak like his). DS couldn't give a rats arse whose is better, he just feels sorry for his kids who he drills all the time with homeschooling. His competitive parenting is outstanding, sadly not much else.

foxychox Fri 15-May-20 16:06:07

My bastard NDN run their own business which would have been affected by the lockdown. I hope they have been fiddling their taxes so that they get an absolutely piddling amount from HMRC, can't afford their mortgage and fuck off.

Tara336 Fri 15-May-20 16:11:44

I’d love to be able to rent my house out to inconsiderate assholes just so our neighbours realise what it’s like to live near them. We have the nosy neighbours opposite who are obsessed with out TV being on the wall and what we are watching and when. DH has a habit of falling asleep in front of the TV and certain channels have casino programs on late at night, apparently because these are on they have told other neighbours DH is a gambler!

We have the complete loon next door who expects everyone to fit in with her weirdness and has regular tantrums! She cried because we bought new gates, cried because we put a fence down the centre of the drive, had a meltdown because DH washed his car and water splashed onto her side of the drive... yet we have to listen to her mow her half dead grass every other day!! It doesn’t get a bloody chance to grow!!

I desperately want to move after secretly marketing it as they are quite open about nosing on rightmove to have a look at other people’s homes that have been up for sale

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