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To ask if you would judge someone for being single and pregnant

(349 Posts)
Siablue Fri 15-May-20 12:41:35

If you knew a single woman who was going to go have a baby would you judge her? Would you make any assumptions about her situation if she was happy to pregnant? Would you ask her who the father was (if this was someone you knew but were not close to)?

OP’s posts: |
justanotherneighinparadise Fri 15-May-20 12:42:33

It depends if I were close friends with her. I wouldn’t judge at all but if it were someone I knew I’d probably ask about the father.

LouScot Fri 15-May-20 12:44:26

No, I'd not judge although to be honest I might well have done when I was younger. And I'd definitely not ask who the father was.

IntoTheUnknown89 Fri 15-May-20 12:45:13

Why would you judge? hmm

ChandlerIsTheBestFriend Fri 15-May-20 12:46:51

Judge her? What do you think there would be to judge her (yourself?) on OP?

If I was a close friend I might ask about the father, whether he will be supportive, help raise the baby, pay child support etc. But not if she had made clear it wasn’t to be discussed.

Vellum Fri 15-May-20 12:48:36

It not being the 1800s, no. And no, I wouldn't ask about the father. If that is information she wants me to have, she will tell me at her leisure.

Similarly, I don't ask pregnant women, partnered or not, whether their baby was planned, or people without children why they don''t have any, or people with one child why they don't have more, or single people why they aren't in relationships.

whoweare Fri 15-May-20 12:49:02

Not at all.

Teacher12345 Fri 15-May-20 12:49:39

I would judge a person who made the decision to sleep with a man and get pregnant without his "consent" with the aim of getting pregnant and raising the baby alone. This is deceitful and unfair on the man.
I would not judge a woman for getting pregnant and having a baby under any other circumstances and unless I knew you personally I am unlikely to know the circumstances anyway.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Fri 15-May-20 12:51:37

Would I ask who the father was. shock. No I certainly would not.
I was a single parent and no one, not even my own family asked any questions.

NikeDeLaSwoosh Fri 15-May-20 12:52:42

If it were deliberate, then yes I would judge, in the same way I would judge anyone I see doing something that goes against the (proven) best interests of a child.

Children have no voice and therefore society needs to advocate for them.

A mother finding herself single after a break up, no - these things happen...

MarieQueenofScots Fri 15-May-20 12:54:20

Not at all, what is there to judge?

P1nkHeartLovesCake Fri 15-May-20 12:56:13

Well it’s not ideal is it

Marylou2 Fri 15-May-20 12:56:24

If she wants a baby and has a home and money to support both her and the baby, of course not.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Fri 15-May-20 12:56:30

The 1930s want you back, NikeDeLaSwoosh.

LemmysAceCard Fri 15-May-20 12:56:48

No i wouldnt judge her. But i do judge if you slag the father off to garner sympathy without telling the whole story.

My friends daughter had a baby, the father doesnt really want to know. Lots of sympathy, including me as i felt sorry for her. She rants on fb all the time about how he is not bothered etc

Then casually drops in during a fb rant about how he never sees his OTHER 5 KIDS. Sympathy dried up right there, she knew he had 5 other kids he didnt give a shit about, why would he care about this one?

Yes he should have his bollocks chopped off but my sympathy dried up and i actually think she is stupid.

NikeDeLaSwoosh Fri 15-May-20 13:01:09

The 1930s want you back, NikeDeLaSwoosh

These type of comments sadden me so much.

Study, after study, after study prove beyond any doubt that outcomes across the board are better for children raised by both of their parents as a family (even better if they are married to each other)

Why is this seen as an 'outdated' attitude, when the most up to date research confirms it to be true?

MarieQueenofScots Fri 15-May-20 13:02:35

Study, after study, after study prove beyond any doubt that outcomes across the board are better for children raised by both of their parents as a family (even better if they are married to each other)

Whilst studies of course should be considered, they don’t take into account individual children.

I find it reductive to judge on the basis of “studies” without considering the situation itself.

ChandlerIsTheBestFriend Fri 15-May-20 13:03:46

Never mind OP- I can see from the comments what assumptions people will make and seem to judge you on.

ParkheadParadise Fri 15-May-20 13:04:31

No, I wouldn't judge

Awwlookatmybabyspider Fri 15-May-20 13:06:07

So it's better for a women to stay in an unhappy marriage while her kids sit sobbing on the stairs while her husband bea ts the shit out of her.

Vellum Fri 15-May-20 13:07:05

Study, after study, after study prove beyond any doubt that outcomes across the board are better for children raised by both of their parents as a family (even better if they are married to each other)

Why is this seen as an 'outdated' attitude, when the most up to date research confirms it to be true?

It's lovely to have your prejudices about women keeping their knees together until they've walked up the aisle in a white frock confirmed by research isn't it? hmm

SnackSizeRaisin Fri 15-May-20 13:07:42

I think it's wrong to purposely have a child without an involved father. I also think people should think carefully before planning to have children to ensure their relationship will last. On the other hand, these things happen so I would not judge an individual and not would I ask them any personal questions.
I have a very close friend who is single and pregnant by sperm donation. I completely disagree with what she is doing but I still fully support her on a personal level. I told her my views before she decided to go ahead, but now she has, I won't mention it again.

EarlGreyT Fri 15-May-20 13:08:12

If you knew a single woman who was going to go have a baby would you judge her? no

Would you make any assumptions about her situation if she was happy to pregnant? no why would I?

Would you ask her who the father was (if this was someone you knew but were not close to)? absolutely not. It is totally inappropriate to ask that and none of your business.

Waxonwaxoff0 Fri 15-May-20 13:09:53

Nope, not one bit. My best friend had a baby when she was single. She was in a brief relationship with the dad but they split up before she knew she was pregnant. Unfortunately the dad is a waste of space.

@NikeDeLaSwoosh life doesn't work like that though. It's better for children to be raised by happy parents. I'm divorced and co parent with my ex, everyone is happy.

SnackSizeRaisin Fri 15-May-20 13:10:23

It's lovely to have your prejudices about women keeping their knees together until they've walked up the aisle in a white frock confirmed by research isn't it? hmm

Eh? No one said anything about sex.

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