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To hate it when people say 'Don't get stressed about what you can't control'

(110 Posts)
IntoTheUnknown89 Fri 15-May-20 01:01:26

Just this. I'm feeling stressed, frustrated and sad. Like lots are at the moment. I try to lean on him and that's what he comes out with!!

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LilacTree1 Fri 15-May-20 01:02:58

It’s such a worthless statement, especially when said to someone who is upset.

IntoTheUnknown89 Fri 15-May-20 01:09:11

Agreed! You feel like saying "Well me! Why didn't I think of that? Cancel the therapist and throw out the anti depressants!"

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LilacTree1 Fri 15-May-20 01:11:21

OP thank you for that statement, I’m going to use that if you don’t mind?

IntoTheUnknown89 Fri 15-May-20 01:12:16

Take it and run lol.

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lovinglavidaloca Fri 15-May-20 01:18:48

Yes!! ‘No point worrying about it’ ... grrrrr

Sparklingbrook Fri 15-May-20 01:19:52

There's the equally awful and unhelpful 'It is what it is'.

IntoTheUnknown89 Fri 15-May-20 01:21:19

My father in laws favourite is "Ah well, nevermind" hmm

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HilaryBriss Fri 15-May-20 01:22:59

It's true though. I dont really worry about much at all because most of it I cant do anything about anyway and worrying isnt going to change that, so what's the point in worrying? What will be will be.

MinorArcana Fri 15-May-20 01:24:28

If only not getting stressed was that easy!

Sparklingbrook Fri 15-May-20 01:25:51

I wish I could be like that @HilaryBriss. The only reason I am up at this hour is worrying about all the things I can't do anything about.

IntoTheUnknown89 Fri 15-May-20 01:26:05

But surely people that don't worry are missing something electrically speaking? I don't mean that in an offensive way. One of the first things we feel is fear. Is a natural, normal, helpful response. Aren't fear and worry the same kind of thing?

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Sparklingbrook Fri 15-May-20 01:28:21

I think I worry to protect myself, so that if the worry ever actually happens then I am prepared. That makes no sense I know.

svenwhen Fri 15-May-20 01:30:08

I think people just say it thinking they're helping not to upset you further.

HilaryBriss Fri 15-May-20 01:30:18

No offense taken. In a similar way, I dont really understand people who worry about stuff that they can't change. Yes, deal with it and feel upset about somethings but worry? No.

funinthesun19 Fri 15-May-20 01:30:51

I tried to tell myself this as a way to help me relax. It didn’t work for me anyway. I can see the well meaning behind it and how it might work for others though.

I am constantly nervous and panicky from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep. I’m awake now because I’m worried sick about many things, including things that out of my control. And if I’m not in control it can make these feelings so much worse. So the above statement isn’t that easy to live by when my head is in such a fog.

Mippo Fri 15-May-20 01:31:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

svenwhen Fri 15-May-20 01:34:17

I find some people say things like your Fil , ah well never mind, when they don't know what else to say, that it is coming from a good place , not wanting you to be upset or worried. I do get it , that it's not a solution

DamnYankee Fri 15-May-20 01:36:38

Impossible. Nine times out of ten that's why I'm stressed!
Not helpful. At. All.

IntoTheUnknown89 Fri 15-May-20 01:41:55

@svenwhen I know he's not saying it to be a dick but it makes him sound like a dick by saying it lol.

@Mippo Exactly! How would that even sound to her if you said "Well I'm not worried" confused

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LilacTree1 Fri 15-May-20 01:42:51

Sparkling “I think I worry to protect myself, so that if the worry ever actually happens then I am prepared. That makes no sense I know.“

I think it makes a lot of sense. My father had health issues for years, when it finally came to head and he was hospitalised for ages, I had plans in place. My mother and sister had never worried so didn’t have practicalities covered.

It was extremely helpful for him and me, In practical and psychological ways. we didnt feel like It was bolt from the blue.

flashbac Fri 15-May-20 01:44:36

The statement is apt for excessive worriers that are making themselves ill and negatively affecting others around them because of their pointless thoughts and 'sky falling in' mentality. It's not for genuine grief-stricken crisis situations as that would be silly.
I used to be an excessive worrier and it did everybody's head in including my own. I used to ruminate and worry about death, poverty, war etc. Sometimes your mind will find any old shit to worry about. Do not feed it.
Yes I do still worry sometimes as worrying is a natural human emotion but the trick is not to let it overcome you and cause chronic stress. It's a habit that can be hard to break but worth breaking.
Try to use techniques to let go of undue worries, like mindfulness runs for the hills

Sparklingbrook Fri 15-May-20 01:52:34

Thanks @LilacTree1, now you say it there have been occasions when things I worried about and therefore thought about how to deal with happened and I was prepared. But the other people involved hadn't given it a thought and were all shock and 'what will we do?'
DH often says there's no point thinking about the 'what ifs' but I disagree.

I don't like mindfulness but have been known to watch ASMR videos as distraction. blush

corythatwas Fri 15-May-20 02:24:00

flashback has a point. I think there is a difference between worrying enough to prepare and the kind of endless worrying that is unproductive and exhausts you and can damage your health. The latter type is very difficult to control but it can be done with CBT- exercises and can make a real difference to things like blood pressure.

Dd has generalised anxiety so she has to work on exercises pretty constantly, otherwise she would just go to pieces and be unable to function (and would also be impossible to live with). My DM had the same problems but did less actively about them and tbh it made for a rather stressful atmosphere for the rest of us.

ilovesooty Fri 15-May-20 02:41:56

I agree corythatwas . If you prepare by dealing with practicalities you are addressing something within your control.

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