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To feel incredibly sorry for my mum

(17 Posts)
cheeeesychips Thu 14-May-20 16:18:05

I know I'm not BU really but I just feel so guilty I can't help her. My mum is a carer/support worker out in the community. She has worked for the same company for nearly 35 years and is a bloody hard worker. I think in that time she has maybe taken a couple days off sick. She raised me single-handedly (along with my grandma) after my dad fucked off.

Obviously now due to the current situation they are now having to wear protective masks, gloves etc in order to protect themselves and the residents (I completely understand the reason for this btw). The problem is, the equipment, particularly the mask is making my mum ill every time she goes into work. She said she literally can't breath and it's leaving her feeling dizzy and ill by the end of each shift. She comes home every night with a bright red face. I suppose the warm weather doesn't help either. She's also going through menopause and has really suffered with that.

In regards to the face mask, it's the same one as what the nurses/doctors wear in the hospital (sorry, I have no idea what the name for them are). I did suggest her asking her manager if she could wear a cloth mask or builders type mask to make it easier to breath but apparently it's not appropriate ppe. My mum also works split shifts which I know doesn't help either as she can't really relax when she comes home in the afternoon as she knows she has to go back.
I've told her that there is nothing wrong with taking time off if it's making her ill and that her colleagues/manager will just have to understand, but she's extremely proud and hates letting her team down, especially since their short staffed anyway because there are currently staff shielding or off due to having operations etc.

I don't even know what I want from this thread and I know that there isn't anything I can do to help but be there for her and support her, I just feel incredibly guilty this is what she and all other carers are having to go through, and for a measly £9.50 an hour as well.

(I've name changed btw so hopefully this isn't too outing).

OP’s posts: |
zscaler Thu 14-May-20 16:25:36

I’m so sorry OP, that’s really tough. I don’t know what the solution is either but I hope she’s ok flowers

AndMyHairWillShineLikeTheSea Thu 14-May-20 16:28:23

Oh I'm sorry, your poor mum sounds like a grafter.
Not sure what to suggest. Is she allowed to remove the mask between visits?

AndMyHairWillShineLikeTheSea Thu 14-May-20 16:29:14

Buy her a handheld fan and a facial cooling mist just to make her more comfortable when she can take a break x

HollowTalk Thu 14-May-20 16:36:15

Your poor mum. She sounds so hardworking and conscientious. Something like this Evian spray might help her when she takes off her face masks. If it's kept in the fridge at night it stays icy cold all day.

cheeeesychips Thu 14-May-20 16:36:25

Thank you @zscaler for your kind words thanks

@AndMyHairWillShineLikeTheSea - I bloody love that idea, thank you! I didn't even think of that, will have a look on amazon now and see what I can find. Hopefully be able to get something delivered by the end of the week. Even something little like this might make things slightly easier for her grin

OP’s posts: |
cheeeesychips Thu 14-May-20 16:39:55

Thank you @HollowTalk that's very kind of you. smile She definitely is a very hard worker (puts me to shame sometimes when I'm winging about my job grin) I will have a look at the Evian spray now. Great idea!

OP’s posts: |
Imtoooldforallthis Thu 14-May-20 16:40:15

If she hasn't got one of these I highly recommend them. I am menopausal and could be without it, I even have it on all night next to my pillow.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07PYSCVY7/ref=cm_sw_r_apa_i_bywVEbHXV2D97

Majorcollywobble Thu 14-May-20 16:40:33

Knowing she has a daughter like you who lives and appreciates her will mean so much to her. She would really hate that you feel guilty x She has always been the type of lady who does her duty by the people she lives and those she is helping now .
She deserves a medal xxxx

Hysteriawhenyourenear Thu 14-May-20 16:42:14

Its carers like your mum that are the unsung heroes of the pandemic, she is doing a fantastic job. Would a ppe visor help her at all? It would protect her but make it a bit easier to breathe?

AndMyHairWillShineLikeTheSea Thu 14-May-20 16:50:52

You could also freeze some wet face clothes then put them in a ziplock for her before her shift. Should still be nice and cool to refresh herself with for a while x

AndMyHairWillShineLikeTheSea Thu 14-May-20 16:53:01

And I agree with @Hysteriawhenyourenear your mum is doing a fab job. I've always thought so since my grandparents required carers. What an amazing job they do, a real life line for people at the most vulnerable stage of their life.

ssd Thu 14-May-20 16:54:14

Great ideas here and you sound caring and loving opflowers

cheeeesychips Thu 14-May-20 16:57:27

Oh wow, thank you so much for all your lovely comments, so kind of you all thanks I've just ordered a handheld fan and some cooling spray off amazon, hopefully it will be here by tomorrow. Nothing major but I know something like this will make her shift slightly easier. I've also bought some chocolate too as I know that will cheer her up (chocolate makes everything better right? wink)

@Majorcollywobble - what a lovely comment, thank you. Brought a tear to my eye thanks

Thank you all again for the great advice and for the lovely comments smile

OP’s posts: |
cheeeesychips Thu 14-May-20 16:58:19

I'll let you know how she gets on with the fan and spray! grin

OP’s posts: |
Imtoooldforallthis Thu 14-May-20 19:01:03

You sound a lovely daughter, and I'm sure it will cheer her up.

Imtoooldforallthis Mon 01-Jun-20 19:54:52

Hi op, how did your mum get on?

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