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AIBU?

AIBU to stop custody during CV?

10 replies

Confuddled28 · 14/05/2020 00:52

Need a different point of view as I'm not sure of the best thing to do here...

I co-parent my 8yr old DD, she spends 5 days with me, 2 with her Dad. We both live with new partners that are care workers.

Since lockdown began they have had 2 CV scares, the first was in March resulting in DD staying here for 14 days. The latest was yesterday which, due to updated guidance, means both households having to self isolate until their test results come back.

My partner is new to his job so not only is he losing money through this, but he's also worried about how it looks to the company.

As such I am on the verge of stopping custody. I really don't want to have to do this but we can't do this every time they get a sniffle and decide to call 111. (Neither time have they had high temp or cough, first was chest infection, this time shortness of breath).

What I'm wrestling with though is, what then? At what point do we allow custody to resume? As until (if) there's a vaccine surely this will continue to be the case?

AIBU to stop custody until something changes?

OP posts:

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Am I being unreasonable?

18 votes. Final results.

POLL

You are being unreasonable

89%

You are NOT being unreasonable

11%

ChandlerIsTheBestFriend · 14/05/2020 00:56

It’s not custody. It’s contact.

Is there a court order in place? If so you can’t just stop contact.

If no court order then it’s up to you. How does your child feel about not seeing her father for an unspecified amount of time? How long do you plan to stop contact for? Corona virus isn’t going away any time soon.

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ludothedog · 14/05/2020 00:56

I wouldn't. Your DD's relationship with her DF is important and it sounds like they are taking appropriate steps in stopping contact when they have symptoms.

There may not be a vaccine for years so best to work together in the best interests of your DD whilst following guidance

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ChandlerIsTheBestFriend · 14/05/2020 00:57

Could your partner stay somewhere else until corona virus goes away?

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HeddaGarbled · 14/05/2020 00:58

Testing of care workers is ramping up so hopefully that will solve your dilemma.

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user1473878824 · 14/05/2020 00:59

Have you actually tried, you know, speaking to her father about what he thinks?

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Confuddled28 · 14/05/2020 01:04

Thanks folks, I can confirm its contact rather than custody as it's an agreement between us (not court ordered).

DD is understandably devastated at the thought of not seeing her Dad which is why I really don't want to do it. But they are very much the kind of people to overreact so I can see this happening over and over.

OH can't move out as his parents are shielding and he tells on my driving him to work so it would still cause the same issues.

Obvs I could allow social distance visits for DD and her Dad but as a PP said - for how long?

OP posts:

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Confuddled28 · 14/05/2020 01:07

Relies. Not tells. Stupid AC

As for talking to her Dad I'm obviously going to do this but just trying to figure out options to offer in case there's a way around all of this I've not thought of.

Tbh he's probably going to jump at the chance of child free weeks, he does offload her whenever possible. Poor DD.

OP posts:

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ChandlerIsTheBestFriend · 14/05/2020 01:11

It’s still contact even if it’s arranged through court OP.

Your DP could rent a room close to his work so he wouldn’t need a lift. Lots of frontline workers have done this since the pandemic started.

Another option is to let your DD go to his for 2 weeks at a time then as long as no symptoms on the last day she can come back to you. If there are symptoms she can get tested and stay there until she is all clear.

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Gingerkittykat · 14/05/2020 01:18

Are you isolating due to symptoms your ex or his partner have had?

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Confuddled28 · 14/05/2020 01:35

Thanks Chandler, the renting is an interesting option although not financially viable at the moment as he's only just started the job and so hasn't been paid yet and this will mean a loss of £200 this week alone due to shifts he's had to drop.

As for the 2 weeks, I had thought of this but she'd been back with me for 4 days before got the call telling me they had symptoms (DD has none, nor do we here).

The first time it happened he actually let me pick her up and visit my 86yr old Gma (pre lockdown) before telling me that they'd had symptoms since the day before and so now needed to keep her with me for 14days.