Advanced search

Do not allow my children to go to their Dads for the time being.

(15 Posts)
carolebaskin666 Wed 13-May-20 13:25:37

I really need to know if IABU or not.
2 young children. We have been isolating right from the beginning, food delivery's which I wipe down, a couple of walks on the forest a week. Completely minimal risk of us catching anything.

Kids dad is pretty useless when I comes to the children. Never had them overnight (his choice). Pays under the minimum child support. Calls once a week. And usually visits for a few hours every fortnight (pre covid)

Here is my problem. He has suddenly decided he wants them next week for 4 nights. He is a key worker, admitted to seeing his dad, mum and friends weekly because corona is 'just the flu'

My children do not want to stay the night (let alone 4 nights)

What do I do ?

I either force them to go, and put them at risk, but avoid any issues with Ex.

Or I put my foot down, keep kids happy and safe. But risk a huge kick back from ex.

OP’s posts: |
slipperywhensparticus Wed 13-May-20 13:29:06

The kids dont want to go so they dont go?

How old are they?

Hellohello2020 Wed 13-May-20 13:30:02

Don't let them go, even without the corovirus I wouldn't want to jump from him visiting for a couple of hours to 4 nights. Esspecisaly as your children are not comfortable with it.

Pinkblueberry Wed 13-May-20 13:30:15

I think there’s plenty of reasons there that make not allowing it a sensible decision. Even without the Corona situation going on I wouldn’t be comfortable leaving them for 4 whole nights when he’s never even had them for 1.

carolebaskin666 Wed 13-May-20 13:32:39

4 and 6. The 4 year old tends to just follow the lead of my eldest though.

They have never had a great relationship with him. He has always been really 'hands off'.

My gut says keep them away. But I just wanted to check I wasn't being unreasonable and stopping a relationship being built.

OP’s posts: |
opticaldelusion Wed 13-May-20 13:33:25

Huh?? He barely sees them other than a quick visit once a fortnight and now he wants them for four nights in a row? No way. Not even one night. You have to build up to that.

Waveysnail Wed 13-May-20 13:38:50

I would calmly reply that he needs to build up contact. So suggest he starts having them one afternoon every week to start for a couple.of weeks, then a full day for a couple of weeks, then an overnight visit.

Clemmieandareallybigbunfight Wed 13-May-20 13:43:26

Is he paying CM?

I think you'll find he has met a new partner who has pointed out if he has them overnight 50% of the time he won't need to pay. Hence his transition to parent of the year.

Tell him to fuck off to the far side of fuck and when he's there fuck off some more.

Post covid he can have them overnight 2 night at a time and build his relationship from there.

Expect him to kick off

Lllot5 Wed 13-May-20 13:48:43

Yep. I would wonder what has happened to suddenly bring this on. I’d be very suspicious that he is trying to wriggle out of paying any maintenance.
Just say no and let him kick off.

carolebaskin666 Wed 13-May-20 13:50:38


Very good point, one I hadn't considered. Yes he is in a new relationship. (She has a few children, so I assume very competent in the rules)

He does pay maintenance albeit less that she should due to earning a huge amount in cash. (A discussion for another thread!)

OP’s posts: |
carolebaskin666 Wed 13-May-20 13:51:50

@Lllot5 Having though about you are prob right. Although the amount he pays is peanuts anyway.

OP’s posts: |
PickUpAPickUpAPenguin Wed 13-May-20 13:53:01

A few hours a fortnight to 4 days is completely unreasonable. He's clearly planning to palm them off on extended family or want them there to look good. How well do the kids know his side of the family?

Lllot5 Wed 13-May-20 13:54:24

Besides which they don’t want to go.
Couple of hours once a fortnight when he can be bothered to four nights is loads. That’s before we get to Covid 19 issues.
I’d say no.

carolebaskin666 Wed 13-May-20 13:58:27


Not very well. They haven't seen his mum and dad since around November time - Despite them living 10 mins away!

OP’s posts: |
Clemmieandareallybigbunfight Wed 13-May-20 14:16:19

He's probably told her he's paying more. Tosser.

Seriously is there a script these gits get given at school? They're so dim as well, 4 nights at once makes it obvious what he's after.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, quick, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Get started »