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To think this isn’t normal?

(74 Posts)
CakeItOrLeave Wed 13-May-20 09:02:43

Okay so background, my partner and I were together for just over 4 years. Throughout this time there were various issues mainly down to my trust issues and him also being secretive. I had seen on his instagram account he was following a stripper, some ex’s, liking videos of females literally shaking their arses (twerking) and also in skimpy pj’s. This obviously descended into an argument, I forgave him and we compromised meaning he deleted the people that offended me.

Years later, he develops a crazy eye infection- his eyes were literally bleeding at times. We thought this was really random, but I didn’t question it because he works with the public so thought he caught it from them. Beforehand I had found a card in his pocket detailing a sexual health clinics number and a note saying that the patient should call back. I went to his work to confront him (which was probably wrong) and he denied everything, saying I could call them and it wouldn’t be for him it would be for his friend. He said if I call I can never question him on anything EVER again... So i left it.

The eye infection then comes and goes over the course of a month of so. He messages me saying we need to have a serious talk, so we go for a drive and a talk. He then says that he lied and the appointment was for him. When leaving work to get in his car he stepped on something, didn’t think anything of it but it was attached to his shoe, he peeled it off or whatever and it turned out to be a used condom. He didn’t wash his hands, eventually touched his face and it turns out he got 2 STD’s from this. I was heartbroken understandably because he lied and gaslighted me- i still forgave him.

A few weeks ago, I was looking on google history (yes I was snooping) and I saw that he had used dating sites POF, tinder etc. I confronted him and showed the evidence- he logged out of the google thing and said it was due to adds coming up, he wasn’t actually using the app.

Everything eventually built up and i have left and moved back to my parents’ house. He says that (previous issues aside) If we are breaking up because a computer said that he has used dating sites then good riddance... I don’t know why, but i feel so stupid for essentially “believing” a computer and destroying any plans we had for the future. I guess my AIBU is whether this is normal, whether I have made the right choice or not?

OP’s posts: |
orangejuicer Wed 13-May-20 09:04:53

YANBU, his story doesn't hold I'm afraid. You are well rid.

Tableclothing Wed 13-May-20 09:07:52

The condom on the shoe story is a new one, can't fault his imagination.

You would never be happy with him, because he's a lying, cheating jerk. The less of your future you waste on him, the better.

If you didn't get checked for STIs after his Jackanory moment, you really must. Some can lie dormant for years.

TabbyMumz Wed 13-May-20 09:08:52

His story is ridiculous, laughable, you are best rid of him.you would have this all your life if you stayed with him.

Sadiesnakes Wed 13-May-20 09:09:26

Well rid, stay strong and don't look back.

slipperywhensparticus Wed 13-May-20 09:09:44

I hope you got yourself checked out

CakeItOrLeave Wed 13-May-20 09:10:03

Yes I got tested and treated for the STDs... I just cannot believe I’ve been so stupid. He’s caused so much pain but I still want him back.

OP’s posts: |
inwood Wed 13-May-20 09:11:08

Wow that is some story he came up with. You did the right thing getting rid.

Spied Wed 13-May-20 09:12:12

You don't seriously believe he caught 2 STI's from the condom. Although I suppose it would not be completely impossible I think in reality that would be about as likely as winning the lottery.Twice.
I've never had POF etc in my Google history.
Have you?

Moving back to your parents was THE best thing to do.

EatsShootsAndRuns Wed 13-May-20 09:12:24

You're well rid of the sleaze.

NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite Wed 13-May-20 09:12:55

You would be a mug to go back to that situation. Your trust has gone (and rightly so).

Toilenstripes Wed 13-May-20 09:13:09

You’re well rid. What a lying pos. I thought I’d heard it all but the condom story is .... diabolical! Definitely get yourself checked for STIs.

AuntImmortelle Wed 13-May-20 09:13:40

Wow! The condom on the shoe story. That's very funny. Of course that's a load of bollocks OP as is all the other shit he has spun for you. You're absolutely well rid. What a totally cheating arsehole.

Dragonsanddinosaurs Wed 13-May-20 09:14:49

Why would the computer lie to you? I'd believe that over your lying ex any day. Sounds like you are well rid.

Hooleywhipper Wed 13-May-20 09:15:55

Sorry this is happening to you OP. I’m just wondering what it is you want back? The man that gave you STI or the dream of what it should have been like with him?

CakeItOrLeave Wed 13-May-20 09:15:59

Thank you everyone for all the support, i’m just really struggling at the moment😞

OP’s posts: |
CakeItOrLeave Wed 13-May-20 09:17:10

@Hooleywhipper It’s him during the good times, I have literally NO friends. I had to move from the city back to the countryside- I literally have fuck all without him

OP’s posts: |
DurhamDurham Wed 13-May-20 09:17:59

The computer is just giving you the actual facts, how could you ever trust him again? If you forgive him once more he will know he can do anything and eventually you'll forgive him, all he had to do is plant a tiny seed of doubt in your mind and you start to believe his lies.
He sounds awful and I'm sure you could do so much better.

Whatsnewpussyhat Wed 13-May-20 09:18:39

but i feel so stupid for essentially “believing” a computer and destroying any plans we had for the future

Well you believed the rest of his bullshit. Thank your lucky stars that you are finally rid of him and have better boundaries in the future and don't go back to him.

He is typically switching blame to you.

Fluffybutter Wed 13-May-20 09:18:48

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Tableclothing Wed 13-May-20 09:19:01

He’s caused so much pain but I still want him back.

You'll get over him. Most humans find change difficult, which is why you miss him even though he's a tool. Once you get used to being without him you'll be the happiest you've been in years.

pippapegga Wed 13-May-20 09:19:15

As if you're actually giving it a seconds thought! I'd be throwing a good riddance party! The guy gave you 2 STIs FFS!!!!

SephrinaX Wed 13-May-20 09:19:42

You definitely did the right thing by leaving.

That condom story is certainly creative...I'm sorry but if that were true, any sane person would have IMMEDIATELY scrubbed their hands! confused

JKScot4 Wed 13-May-20 09:20:17

You want him back?
He’s a lying cheating scumbag and you’ve obviously never trusted him, it’s toxic living like that, stay away, he’s not the only man in the world.

CakeItOrLeave Wed 13-May-20 09:20:55

@Fluffybutter I can assure you I’m not a troll. What kind of person would get off on having to deal with this shit

OP’s posts: |

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