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MIL and sending kids to school

(73 Posts)
Idecide Tue 12-May-20 22:06:26

We have 5dc. Youngest is in year 1. As soon as announcement was made last night I said 'no way is she going back' DP agreed, my parents (very involved with my dc, missing them desperately) agreed. Sorted.
DP mentioned it to MIL on the phone today and she is not happy. She thinks Boris knows best.
For context, she lives 300 miles away and has little contact with DC. Doesn't even send cards on birthdays etc.
She's since posted a FB status saying how disappointed she was with 'certain people' for mollycoddling their children and 'going against the law'.
AIBU to reply 'until my children can see my parents, who have been isolating for 8 weeks and who they desperately miss, they will not go to school and mix with people who haven't!'

OP’s posts: |
Herpesfreesince03 Tue 12-May-20 22:09:12

I’d put ‘certain people put their children’s health, safety and well-being above the law’.

Novia Tue 12-May-20 22:12:06

I'd block her... she sounds like a dick.

Novia Tue 12-May-20 22:13:33

Also - you can't win a sniping competition on Facebook. She will find a way to become the victim and you'll end up being the bad guy.

formerbabe Tue 12-May-20 22:13:42

I'll be sending mine in as soon as they're children, my choice.
They're your children, it's your decision. Nothing to do with your mil.
Nothing to debate.

lyralalala Tue 12-May-20 22:14:35

I would just tell her that given the government have stated parents won't be fined even they understand that not all children will be going back right away.

SegregateMumBev Tue 12-May-20 22:15:32

You don’t need to say anything!

NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite Tue 12-May-20 22:18:50

It's almost 3 weeks until the earliest date at which some DC may return to school. I'd wait and see what happens in the meantime.

searchaway Tue 12-May-20 22:20:31

Just write “it’s not the law” she’s a dick. End of. Don’t inform her of anything else. You’re not obliged to tell her anything

GrumpyHoonMain Tue 12-May-20 22:21:00

My mum is shielding. She said to send her GC to school even though it means not seeing them until next year for their benefit. Seems like your parents were egging your anxieties on instead of thinking of the best for their GC. A child going into year 1 needs to be settled into what is a very different school environment to what they are used to - this won’t be possible in year 2.

Idecide Tue 12-May-20 22:33:55

@GrumpyHoonMain how is it better for her to go to school, set up completely different to what she's used to, different pick up and drop off times, not being able to hug her bestie, while her 4 siblings are home and her GPs, who usually collect her can't go near her?

OP’s posts: |
DamnYankee Tue 12-May-20 22:37:28

Let her be disappointed...

Block her or ignore her, but don't engage. You don't have to justify your decisions for your DC, especially someone that has so little to do with them.

You're not breaking the law.

I'd be sooo tempted to write how disappointed you are "in certain people for posting passive-aggressive twaddle about things that are none of their business regarding children they have next to no involvement with".
But I wouldn't.
I'd just think it.
And keep all this in mind when visits become tenable again.

Freddiefox Tue 12-May-20 22:37:49

I wouldn’t bother responding. I’d probably like the comment though just to confuse her

Spied Tue 12-May-20 22:42:37

It's quite simply none of her business.
Rise above it.
It's down to you and their father. No one else.

totallyoverthisbullshit Tue 12-May-20 22:43:56

Don't rise to it. She posted it to be passive-aggressive; leave her to her social media politics and don't engage. That will irritate her more than any comment.

You won't reason with her and will just air your laundry in public.

Idecide Tue 12-May-20 22:44:22

@DamnYankee that's so tempting.... 🤣

OP’s posts: |
BreatheAndFocus Tue 12-May-20 22:45:12

Ignore her. She’s not worth the words.

whiskybysidedoor Tue 12-May-20 22:48:11

Just ignore it. To be honest though you both seem a bit melodramatic. Why do you have to decide straight away and announce it to your family anyway? No one really knows what’s going to happen come June, and I doubt any one really cares what decision you make at the end of the day. Bigger fish to fry in the scheme of things.

SnackSizeRaisin Tue 12-May-20 22:50:38

Why did you even discuss it with her if she's so uninvolved? It's your child, do what you know is best. Bear in mind though that it isn't great for them to be isolated from their peers for months on end. Maybe see the grandparents before school starts, even if not strictly allowed. They are saying that family visits may not be allowed until autumn which is a long time for a 6 year old to remain isolated at home.

MintyMabel Tue 12-May-20 23:12:55

Just write “it’s not the law”

Will this need some clarification, I wonder. I know you can choose to home educate your children, but am I right you need to register them to do this and effectively give up their place in school if you do that?

If so, can you actually refuse to send them back or will they be considered as unauthorised absence?

Idecide Tue 12-May-20 23:26:01

@minty there will be no unauthorised absences or fines if I don't send her. That's from the government and from the school

OP’s posts: |
MintyMabel Tue 12-May-20 23:37:56

@Idecide that’s good to know.

SusieOwl4 Tue 12-May-20 23:55:38

Yes it’s not the law. There are many many different situations within families and the government have acknowledged that. She is wrong .

Saracen Wed 13-May-20 00:26:42

I think you'll feel more relaxed if you stop following her on Facebook and have as little to do with her as possible. She doesn't take much interest in her grandchildren anyway, so this wouldn't be a particularly nasty thing to do.

This isn't an argument you need to have.

Cherrysoup Wed 13-May-20 00:43:53

Just totally ignore. Also, take her off your Facebook. Honestly, I’ve hidden family members who talk shit on there, I refuse to let them annoy my. Sleep her for 30 days if you don’t want to mortally offend her!

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