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To have locked my OH out

(132 Posts)
Moonandme111 Tue 12-May-20 17:58:28

Getting so fed up with my OH disappearing to his friends house.
His friend is recently separated and his ex-wife has taken their 3 kids to her parents 2 hour drive away, he hasn't seen them in a good few months.
So I understand he is down, and my OH wants to be there for him, but it's just not on.
Texts on his phone from this friend 'if you're allowed out'... 'did you get in trouble' like they are kids... They are nearly 40!!

I'm 6 weeks pregnant, we have a toddler, not to mention lockdown!!

He reckons it's OK because his friend doesn't see anyone to catch anything from.
Again not the point.

So good luck with him getting back in the house tonight...
It's funny when his friends family was in tact, he was never 'allowed' out to see my OH.
Actually we rarely saw them, even tho they live at the other end of the village, it's not OK to treat me like a mug now his family isn't around!!

OP’s posts: |
andratuttobene Tue 12-May-20 18:01:12

You sound lovely. Would you be so harsh if it was your close friend or a member of your family who needed support? Maybe his friend is having a rough time with his mental health. It’s very hard to be alone for long periods.

Shelley54 Tue 12-May-20 18:01:21

I would say that's probably the end of your relationship if you're locking him out of the house. Are you willing to split up over this? If so then YANBU.

Moonandme111 Tue 12-May-20 18:02:45

I don't think he is having that bad a time mentally,
They are sitting round there playing computer games!

OP’s posts: |
wildcherries Tue 12-May-20 18:04:56

Would you be so harsh if it was your close friend or a member of your family who needed support? Maybe his friend is having a rough time with his mental health. It’s very hard to be alone for long periods.

I came on to say this. It's not OK to lock him out of the house.

sillysmiles Tue 12-May-20 18:04:58

They are blokes, they aren't going to sit around talking about it and drinking wine.

LST Tue 12-May-20 18:06:05

It's not really for you to say what makes someone feel better though is it OP. Better playing computer games than finding himself at the bottom of a bottle. And if the risk is minimal? My DP hasn't stopped going work through all of this so I honestly wouldn't stop him going to a friends to support him through a hard time. And I certainly wouldn't lock him out, of I am assuming, his own house.

opticaldelusion Tue 12-May-20 18:06:15

So people who are struggling mentally can't play computer games when their mate comes round? How should a person do mental health problems? Rocking backwards and forwards? Lying catatonic on the floor? Sobbing uncontrollably?

ukgift2016 Tue 12-May-20 18:06:32

Are they having an gay affair?

Moonandme111 Tue 12-May-20 18:06:47

I finished work at 2 today, we met at our local common, I took LO, he went to get his car battery checked and he's still not home 4 hours later.

I wouldn't mind so much if he told Me he was going there, he just disappears for hours and hours 4 to 5 hours at a time 3 times a week.

Also I'm exhausted working (nurse) pregancy, nausea. I could Do with some Support too!

OP’s posts: |
SleepingStandingUp Tue 12-May-20 18:07:06

A bad time mentally doesn't have to mean sobbing into his pillow op but you know him better than us, and clearly you think he doesn't care he can't see his kids for months on end.

Are you willing for him to say fine, I'm not allowed home, I'll move in with Dave and we'll talk when this is over?

opticaldelusion Tue 12-May-20 18:08:11

Also... If you want him back home safely, why lock him out? Won't that mean he has to go elsewhere and put you at greater risk?

Moonandme111 Tue 12-May-20 18:08:53

Not to mention this friends sister has been popping in on him, bringing him food. So he's not completely on his own.

OP’s posts: |
opticaldelusion Tue 12-May-20 18:09:14

So this isn't about lockdown? You don't want him to go and see his friend because you think he should be supporting you.

LouHotel Tue 12-May-20 18:09:38

OP is in early pregnancy (the knackered all the time stage) with the toddlers, if he's buggering off out to play videos games at dinner/bedtime I doubt it's about his mates mental health.

Not sure on the locking out but if you've tried to discuss I get your keeping yourself safe but long term what do you propose?

opticaldelusion Tue 12-May-20 18:09:45

You sound pretty unkind tbh. Or jealous.

Moonandme111 Tue 12-May-20 18:10:45

Lst...
Not HIS house. OUr house.

OP’s posts: |
SleepingStandingUp Tue 12-May-20 18:11:10

Thing is op your working a a nurse, your DP is print his mate at more risk than H he other way round.

No of course him disappearing for hours at a time when he has a child isn't OK, but I think you're confusing the issues here.

If you'd started with "I'm 6 weeks pregnant and also working as a nurse, plus we have a toddler. DP disappears for 5or so good at a time when I'm finally home, so isn't helping with DC and I'm getting no rest or support. He doesn't even tell me he's going, just walks out" you'd get more support

SleepingStandingUp Tue 12-May-20 18:12:15

Are you prepared to end your relationship over this?

marvellousmaplesyrup Tue 12-May-20 18:12:32

I think YABVU.

There is no way I would lock my DH out of the house for supporting his friend.

YouCannotBeeSerious Tue 12-May-20 18:12:36

I can't imagine why he'd prefer the company of others to you..... wink

Moonandme111 Tue 12-May-20 18:12:54

It is about lockdown, if he can see his friend and break all the rules, then I can go and see my mum can't I?

His friend isn't have a mental breakdown, far from it.
Again, mumsnet jumping to conclusions.

OP’s posts: |
mrsmuddlepies Tue 12-May-20 18:13:05

I don't think you are allowed to lock someone out of their home. it is unreasonable behaviour and illegal. Talk to him. Don't play games.

LST Tue 12-May-20 18:14:31

My point exactly OP. Not YOURS either. So, what gives you the right to lock him out?

CountryCasual Tue 12-May-20 18:14:41

You’re only getting such a hard time because you are confident in your anger. MN likes to tell women what to do rather than validate what they have done.

OP: I’m 6 weeks pregnant, have a toddler and am exhausted from working as a nurse during a worldwide pandemic and DH keeps sodding off to his friends house to play. He’s an ass, I’ve locked him out!
MN: wow you sound hot headed YABU!!!

OP: I’m 6 weeks pregnant, have a toddler and am exhausted from working as a nurse during a worldwide pandemic and DH keeps sodding off to his friends house to play. Am I wrong to be upset??
MN: YANBU He’s an ass, lock him out!

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