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Feel bad - need to decide what to do.

(88 Posts)
Lalla525 Tue 12-May-20 12:57:50

Posting here mainly for the traffic, need a hand to decide what to do.

Here's the story. 32w pregnant with vasa praevia. Vasa praevia is a condition due to which fetus's uncovered blood vessels (which are generally safely enclosed into the cord) are outside the cord and close or over the birth canal. No problem, until membrane break during labour. If they do, baby dies due to blood loss. For undiagnosed cases (the majority) the stillbirth rate is 60-90%. When diagnosed, the protocol is to admit the mother between 30-32 weeks and schedule a c-section between 34-36 weeks (this is to be close to theatre is case of premature labour and the early birth at 34-36 weeks is to balance risks of prematurity with risks of spontaneous labour).

I came to the hospital at 31w3d (4 days ago) because of some contractions and some period pain. They let me stay the night for monitoring. Thankfully, contractions seem to be only braxton hicks and period pains went away. They did some test to check how likely it is that I will go into labour in the next 2 weeks and it came out that the probability is very small (2%).

Since then, doctors keep asking me if I want to go home. I feel like they (and the midwives) think I'm being overly cautious and should really move on and free up the bed (not occupy it for the next 4 weeks). In the report yesterday the dr mentioned "we did all tests but she is not reassured enough and she has decided she will stay here until delivery". Today I have also been informed that midviwes are talking about my presence here and that if the bed is needed, dr might re-assess my stay.

I feel absolutely fine physically and the thing with this condition is that it is not a problem, until it is. So I seem healthy and good while other women here are struggling, and it feels like, according to the experts, I should just go home.

However, guidelines and my fear tell me that I should ignore everything and stay here. Worst case scenario they'll think I'm paranoid, but at least baby will be safe. However, 4 weeks of being pushed away feel very bad.

What do you think?

OP’s posts: |
MySonIsAlsoNamedBort Tue 12-May-20 13:10:33

I'd stay put. I'd rather feel awkward and have drs and nurses slightly put out by me than the alternative.
Don't leave if it isn't what you want to do.

dontdisturbmenow Tue 12-May-20 13:14:54

How far are you from the hospital? Staying in hospital is very costly, you will cost an extra bed day every time and that will run in thousands in addition to taking a bed from someone else who could need it urgently.

Lalla525 Tue 12-May-20 13:15:56

I'm 1 hour from hospital.

OP’s posts: |
Soubriquet Tue 12-May-20 13:18:33

Stay out

The nurses wouldn’t advise you to stay unless they really meant it. They would give advise for bed rest at home instead

Please stay.

Soubriquet Tue 12-May-20 13:18:50

Stay put**

Waveysnail Tue 12-May-20 13:20:57

How far are you from hospital? Is it your first?

Pinktornado Tue 12-May-20 13:21:43

Stay. You’re following protocol. Would you be considering leaving if it wasn’t for the pandemic? Lots of luck to you.

Waveysnail Tue 12-May-20 13:22:07

Is there someone at home to drive you in quickly

Ilovecats23 Tue 12-May-20 13:23:43

What do they say when you provide the evidence that it is recommended to be admitted and wait for delivery? Are their reasonings just that it’s expensive/they might need the bed?
If they are then I’d stay put because that shouldn’t play a part in whether you and your baby get the care you need to survive labour.
If they can provide you with obvious and clear medical reasoning of why it is okay to be at home at this time then you could maybe consider it. But at an hour away from the hospital I’d be nervous.
I’m really sorry you’re going through this, if you feel you’re not being listened to please ask to speak to someone in charge, do not do anything you don’t feel comfortable doing!

Lalla525 Tue 12-May-20 13:25:45

@Pinktornado No - pandemic used to be a fear of mine but now that I'm here I am reassured by the level of attention and I dont feel covid is playing any part in my doubts. It's really just the feeling of being unwanted and making me feel I'm overreacting.

@waveysnail is 1 hour drive. Can't drive faster. And we are talking about 5/10 minutes margin between rupture and death.

OP’s posts: |
weepingwillow22 Tue 12-May-20 13:28:08

1 hour away is quite a distance. I would stay and cite the guidelines to them. I

IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece Tue 12-May-20 13:29:44

Stay put.

An hour away is too far, it’s minutes between waters going and the huge possibility of stillbirth.

I’m sorry you’re in this situation and feel pushed out flowers

BananaBooBoo Tue 12-May-20 13:30:06

Stay where you are to protect your baby

Hoggleludo Tue 12-May-20 13:30:36

I would stay

I spent 6 weeks in hospital before the birth of my second. I spent a year in hospital with 4 months in icu after the birth of my first

What lever is yours?

Mine wasn’t caused by what you had by the way

Lalla525 Tue 12-May-20 13:31:42


They don't argue with the protocol (which is relatively clear) and they say it is my choice whether I stay or not. Just keep saying (every day) that tests they ran (cervix length and fibronectin) say probability of going into spontaneous labour is low in the next 2 weeks is very low so should probably be ok at home. They can't guarantee baby will be safe at home (for obvious reasons) but they go by statistics.

It's more a subtle message than a clear "you must go"

OP’s posts: |
Spied Tue 12-May-20 13:32:21

Stay put.

Geraniumblue Tue 12-May-20 13:32:28

Stay where you are. I had placenta Previa - which sounds similar in terms of risk - and a mild phobia of hospitals and the consultant had to threaten me in order to get me into hospital three weeks early! I stayed there and wasn’t even allowed out of the ward unaccompanied. They took it really seriously (I was fine, planned c-section a week before delivery date etc all ok).

LividLaughLovely Tue 12-May-20 13:34:43


I’d be staying. Sorry you are having to go through this.

Sharkyfan Tue 12-May-20 13:35:32

What a horrible situation to be in, and to be made to feel that way by the medics.
I think if it was me I’d probably speak to them and challenge them directly on the guidelines and see what they say.
Maybe even say that you are being made to feel that way.
I sympathise because I didn’t want to be any trouble when I had some issues in my first pregnancy but you have to put those feelings aside and pragmatically think about the risk.

I had high bP and pre eclampsia and they said to look out for headaches and tell them if I had one, I had quite a bad one in the night and didn’t want to buzz but thought what if, and that I should. When the nurse came she checked my BP and it was fine, she was Very short with me and said they were dealing with an emergency and were very busy. I felt awful. But I was doing what I’d been told to do.

MulberryPeony Tue 12-May-20 13:38:17

Stay put if you can. An hours drive in that situation is just not something I would be comfortable with. I say that as someone who had a partial placental abruption at 32 weeks.

weepingwillow22 Tue 12-May-20 13:41:42

What do they mean by a very low probability 5% or 1% or 0.1%? Given the very high chance of a adverse outcome if you do go into labour I don't think any of the above risks are worth taking.

Nagsnovalballs Tue 12-May-20 13:42:31

Yep stay out with that long a drive. In normal circs, you could get a hotel close by, but they are shut. Not worth it, and will take more resources to deal with a crash labour than to give you a bed and keep you monitored.

Ilovecats23 Tue 12-May-20 13:47:05

@Lalla525 Okay then I definitely wouldn’t leave. If they aren’t even comfortable saying outright that you should leave then usually that’s because you shouldn’t! Stay put and if anyone makes you feel pressured or uncomfortable ask to speak to PALS, the consultant (the actual consultant, not one of their doctors) and the ward lead.

Teacup34 Tue 12-May-20 13:50:25

Stay put. There's nothing wrong with being cautious your not putting anyone out your protecting your baby. I'm sorry your in such an awful situation. 💐

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