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To turn DH down because he couldn't tear himself away from a bloody game until almost 1am

(148 Posts)
Perqut Tue 12-May-20 01:08:34

DH works nights, on his nights off he stays up into the small hours gaming or watching films because he can't go to sleep at a normal hour like myself.

He made it clear he was "interested" this evening so I had a bit of a pamper, long bath shaved everywhere you get the picture.

He was on his xbox so I waited up, but by 12.45 ive decide to call it a night. I'm exhausted and our DC (toddler/baby) have me up at 6.45.

I can't function on less than 7 hours sleep generally. It's ok for him as he gets to sleep late into the morning.

Only when he sees I'm off to bed does he pause his game and become suggestive.

I said I'm going to sleep, I've waited up very late and you've been sat on your game. I have to be up with the children.

This happens often, then he acts deflated because by daft o clock in the morning I'm no longer in the mood having been sat around wasting my time.

Who, if anybody, is being unreasonable?

OP’s posts: |
NaomiFromMilkShake Tue 12-May-20 01:15:17

Man child.

Louiselouie0890 Tue 12-May-20 01:16:29

He is, I've told my OH if he thinks hes coming anywhere near me he best not go on his computer. Got sick of maksing the effort to be leg down or have him ignore me all night until he was ready

Perqut Tue 12-May-20 01:17:31

To add to matters, he wanted me to wait up even longer so he could have a shower first. The shower he could have had at any point in the last 3-4 hours.

Fucking annoying

OP’s posts: |
TheHighestSardine Tue 12-May-20 01:25:35

He's a blithering idiot.

JudyCoolibar Tue 12-May-20 01:42:45

If you'd announced you were going to bed at 10, would he have interrupted his game then?

Sparklfairy Tue 12-May-20 01:50:50

I don't really understand why you 'waited up', especially as late as you did?

grisen Tue 12-May-20 01:53:01

I work nights, I don’t think about what time it is when I’m off so I often get sucked into cleaning or video games or whatever on the nights I am off.
You’re both in the wrong but he made it clear he was interested so you went for a bath and a pamper. Once you were done you could have done something to seduce him, not clear if you did anything to make him know you were ready for it.
I know for one that if I’m horny at 9pm, I might not be at 9:15, especially if the person leaves for a shower.

ExhaustedFlamingo Tue 12-May-20 01:56:17

I understand how frustrating that is, but why were you waiting around? Why not say to him around 10pm "if you want any action big boy, now's your chance or else I'm off to bed" - or words to that effect.

I have a partner who is a gamer and he loses track of time. Mind you, I do the same if I'm reading a good book (ha! I remember those days!). You're not BU to say it's too late now, but you were BU not to make the first move earlier and just sitting there waiting passively. You're not a concubine 😅

grisen Tue 12-May-20 01:56:59

Also what were you doing between pamper and going to bed?

copperoliver Tue 12-May-20 01:59:15

Make him get up in the morning too and you have a lie in. X

Italiangreyhound Tue 12-May-20 02:02:17

Wow that is 100% YANBU.

bd67thSaysReinstateLangCleg Tue 12-May-20 02:14:33

He is BVU by acting deflated because you turned him down after he suggested sex and then kept you waiting. I can't understand why he wouldn't put the console down as soon as you came out of the bath TBH.

You can avoid any doubt on his part in the future by telling him at 9pm to come up with you or use his hand.

NeutrinoWrangler Tue 12-May-20 02:14:50

Next time, I'd tell him in advance that you're planning to be asleep by X o'clock, so if he wants some quality time, he'd better keep an eye on the clock. If he's dragging his feet closer to bedtime, you could remind him that it's getting late and the window of your "availability" is closing-- if you're still interested, that is.

Annoying that you should have to remind him, though and even more annoying that he acts sad when it's his own fault.

IcyWind Tue 12-May-20 02:28:09


quietheart Tue 12-May-20 02:42:44

The reason I’m up at this silly hour is I woke at 1am and disturbed DH’s sleep, he then took the chance to initiate sex. Now I can’t get back to sleep, he knows I’m a bad sleeper so I’ve told him he’s up first in the morning.

I definitely wouldn’t wait around though, after my bath I would have expected him to turn the game off. I’ve lost track of time myself before, especially when my body clock is messed up. Did he know you were waiting? If so he’s way out of order.

I hope you enjoyed your pamper though.

PyongyangKipperbang Tue 12-May-20 02:43:17

Your mistake was not saying at 10pm "Right, I'm off to bed".

Dont ever wait up. If he wants it then he will follow you up. If you are on the cop then you know how to get it. Either way, it doesnt involve you waiting around for hours until he is ready.

It only took one night of no sex before my boyfriend learned that "I'm off up now, if you want a shag come with me" meant that I would tell him to fuck off and have a wank when he turned up 2 hours later.

quietheart Tue 12-May-20 02:44:38

Oh but YANBU turning him down whatever the reason, if you don’t fancy it or can’t be bothered he should never make you feel uncomfortable about that.

RantyAnty Tue 12-May-20 02:48:46

Agree with not waiting up for him. Just say you're off.

Is he spending time with the DC or just sat on his fucking game for hours?

angryhulk Tue 12-May-20 02:52:47

If he was interested, why go off to pamper, just go for it then. Not sure I would still be interested ages later. He probably didn't realise that's what you were doing, men aren't as bothered about the grooming side as we think they are.

Gnarlibar Tue 12-May-20 02:54:30

My ex-H was like this. I'd try to initiate after the kids went to bed but the game or TV was more interesting. He could never understand why I was no longer interested by the time he was in the mood. It was worse with him because he'd come in at 2am and expect me to be up for a 2 hour marathon.

Mine didn't learn despite years of little to no sex and me repeatedly trying to explain to him why that was. One of the many reasons he's an ex.

user1481840227 Tue 12-May-20 02:59:57

I can understand why you're pissed off but why wouldn't you have went over and given him a kiss and initiated it that way?

Is it a lack of confidence or stubbornness?

1forAll74 Tue 12-May-20 03:04:48

I really truly, could not live with any man who played these game things on computers whatever.. They are like zombie people, who have lost touch with the real world around them.

FortunesFave Tue 12-May-20 03:11:58

Ha! No hope! My DH and I sometimes go to bed at 9 so we can have some fun times....then I get up again! I like to go to bed late....he then stays in bed and I can get up and watch crap on the computer in peace.

CrystalTipped Tue 12-May-20 03:15:38

What were you doing while you were waiting? I understand that a grown man absorbed in a computer game is not on anyone's list of aphrodisiacs, but why not just say you were ready for bed? You said that when he saw you were going up he turned it off. This sounds like crossed wires. Maybe you could both communicate better.

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