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Honest Advice please

(524 Posts)
emz771 Fri 08-May-20 17:53:53

I have read MN for years - but never joined. I think sometimes it's good to get some third party advice so please help ladies.

Ok so just over 3 years ago my sister split with her husband. He wasn't very good with money and as such she didn't come out with anything. My husband is in property and said she could live in a property we have. We said (and the wording is important) it's yours rent free for as long as you need it.

Anyway about 18 months ago my sister met a man who is a really nice guy. He is great with her kids, is good company, and we often have a pub lunch with the kids or a dog walk on a Sunday and he treats her and the kids really well.

However about 8 months ago he moved in with my sister and my husband presumed that when he moved in we would get some offer of rent. To put into context he is an engineer for BT and does quite a bit of overtime and we understand he is on about 45k a year. My sister works part time as a secretary and earns about 16k a year. So they are a 60K household with no rent/mortgage.

Now it's been griping at my husband for some time - and yesterday he actually got really annoyed. This is going to sound silly but because he is still working my husband asked him to pick up some steaks from a farm shop he passes and leave on our door step. He did - but then my sister messaged me that night and said the steaks were £32. My husband who is a calm man lost it - and claimed he lives in our property that we could rent for £1500 a month and can't shout us a few steaks.

Now I need to say my sister is my best friend in the entire world - and it's not the money with my husband but the fact he feels this guy is taking the mick. The house would rent for £1500 - but I know my husband would let them have it for £800.

Now is it our fault with the wording "have it as long as you want" even though that was when she was a single parent living on a part time wage.I don't want it to affect my relationship with my husband.

Let me know - am I being a cow?

OP’s posts: |
crispysausagerolls Fri 08-May-20 17:56:53

They are taking the piss hugely and you need to ask them for rent. You should have done ages ago

marchez Fri 08-May-20 17:58:44

My husband presumed......

That's where you went wrong. The conversation should have been had when he moved in.

19lottie82 Fri 08-May-20 18:00:17

You let your sister stay there for free when she wasn’t in a financial position to pay rent. Now, she (well, her and her partner) is.

As we say in Glasgow........ get them telt!

KellyHall Fri 08-May-20 18:01:07

You need to have a very open and honest discussion with your sister about the house being to help her out when she was in dire need, which she no longer is, and that they need to start paying (generously discounted) rent.

If your sister truly is your best friend, you should be able to have this conversation with her. If she reacts badly, she's not your best friend after all.

Windyatthebeach Fri 08-May-20 18:03:47

Send an email tonight with a tenancy agreement attached and rent rates..
If she won't sign you evict them.
Piss taking twats..
She isn't your friend imo.
User maybe...

Debinaround Fri 08-May-20 18:04:06

Does he know she pays no rent or mortgage? He isn't paying her money every month that he presumes to be going towards rent does he? If not and they are on 60 grand a year then maybe it's time for a talk about paying some rent. Or asking what their long term plans are? Are they thinking of getting somewhere together?

I would be pissed off of I was letting someone live in my house rent free and they asked me for the money for a couple of steaks. Cheek.

SunbathingDragon Fri 08-May-20 18:04:56

You change your wording at the end from what you said at the start. Was it as long as you need or as long as you want?

If it was as long as needed, I think you can now say it’s no longer needed and give notice for them to move out - perhaps say for next year to give plenty of time - and say it’s so there aren’t any other fallings out.

The steaks are another issue. If you didn’t specify at the time that you wanted them for free than I can see why they expected to be paid back.

GREATAUNT1 Fri 08-May-20 18:05:22

I would’ve said that if your circumstances change I would expect rent if you want to continue to stay in the property. But your sister should know this.

emz771 Fri 08-May-20 18:07:32

Hi guys thanks for the advice.

I’m concerned I’ve portrayed my sister as p taker and she isn’t. I think I’ll call her tonight and say it’s time we had a little chat about rent. My suggestion is is from July 1st but husband is saying June.

And we didn’t expect the steaks for free and I know it sounds massively immature - I just think it was the final nail in the coffin my husband.

OP’s posts: |
PeartreeProductions Fri 08-May-20 18:09:12

You said to your DS she can have it as long as SHE needs but now her circumstances have changed now, so now someone else is living there and can contribute financially. He's just taking the piss.

And I'd be angry about the steaks too.

wowfudge Fri 08-May-20 18:09:20

Pay them for the steaks and give it a week. Then have a chat about them paying you rent on a written tenancy.

Windyatthebeach Fri 08-May-20 18:10:10

Your dsis is happy to enjoy a life with extra £££ in it so your life has less ££££ in it..
That's a piss taker imo.

WorraLiberty Fri 08-May-20 18:11:08

They're both taking the piss.

But I'm far more surprised that neither you nor your husband, has had an adult conversation with the pair of them about rent.

TheTrollFairy Fri 08-May-20 18:11:48

They are taking the piss. It’s not about the money in it’s entirety (although will be in some ways). She’s living rent free even though as a household they can afford it but then expected money for the steaks.
I would go with June too as they have had long enough rent free

wowfudge Fri 08-May-20 18:12:49

The fact you haven't asked for rent is making them think you are happy with the status quo. You are not clear as to whether you said she can stay as long as she needs or as long as she wants.

MovingBriskyOn Fri 08-May-20 18:22:02

Be aware that this coming out of the blue after 8 months is going to come as a big shock to them, if there's been no mention or hint previously

Samtsirch Fri 08-May-20 18:34:33

I would speak to your sister first but then get a written contract set up .
Focus on the positives, ie, that as a valued family member the rent will be considerably cheaper but that you simply cannot afford to have them living in your property rent free. I presume as owners you would be responsible for any repairs or upkeep, so you would need a monthly rent to cover these things; although all of these details should be outlined in a written contract.

chatterbugmegastar Fri 08-May-20 18:39:21

You and your husband haven't asked your sister to pay rent. I don't think she's taking the piss at all. If you can't communicate with her that's your problem

OhioOhioOhio Fri 08-May-20 18:41:31

Yeah. Sorry. Your sister is a piss taker.

P1nkHeartLovesCake Fri 08-May-20 18:44:43

Your sister is a piss taker! She’s living rent free ffs shock that’s the biggest issue here

Who moves in to a relatives property and does it rent free, a free loading bitch that’s who

Warsawa31 Fri 08-May-20 18:53:52

I think people are being really harsh calling your sister a bitch etc. They don’t know her! If you said live there for free that was very kind of you. But now her circumstances have changed and her and her partner should support themselves. They may not have combined their finances yet so he may not know she isn’t paying rent? Maybe that’s why he was expecting money for the steak and your sister hasn’t told him the situation .....

Anyway as others have said speak to her and find out what her plans are. You are a really good sister

emz771 Fri 08-May-20 19:01:52

Guys thank you for all your replies.

So just had a BBQ and hubby has calmed down after steak gate.

Anyway he is prepared to not start the rent until July 1st - but thinks 800 is nearly half and too little. He is going to ask a 1000 which as he points out is still over 30% off.

I want to show him respect - and to be honest I think it’s reasonable when I actually think about it.

I’m going to Zoom her tomorrow.

OP’s posts: |
Grobagsforever Fri 08-May-20 19:04:02

Well she'll find out what the new boyfriend is actually made of, at least

Patapouf Fri 08-May-20 19:04:21

The steaks are a separate thing to the rent and your husband didn't need to lose it over something petty. If someone asked me to get them something from the shop I'd expect payment.

The rent needs to be brought up, you could say:

Your circumstances have changed since we agreed to let you live in our property, now that X has moved in I think we need to have a chat about paying some rent. We feel that y would be a fair amount.

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