to expect my DH to come home when DS has had a head injury and been rushed to hospital in an ambulance? (bit of a rant)

[alycat]

Yesterday my 3 yr old DS (who has SN including mobility problems) fell and gashed the back of his head around 3pm, blood everywhere.

I called an Ambulance, called 2 pals (left messages on answerphones) to collect my DD along with theirs from school at 4.30pm, then called my Dh's office. He was in a meeting so I said "Don't interupt it, but when it ends tell him DS is going to hosp in an ambulance with a head injury"

At 4.40 I called school to check on DD, had not been collected so spoke to her, she went to late class. Called friend who had not got message before school run and she went back to get DD.

Called my DH's office to be told 'in a meeting' "Same one?" I asked. " No he came out of that one and has gone off with a journalist." (most meetings with journo's take place in pub!) So I called his mobile to aske what time he was coming home, "7pm" was his reply. We then Had A Few Words.

He runs/owns the co. so no asking for time off, has 9 staff so cover not a problem.

Is that normal to not bother to even call when your child has a head injury - bearing in mind his SN condition means that the arteries over his brain are abnormal and likely to cause a bleed or stroke?

[TotalChaos]

YANBU, as you said he should at the very least have called to check how DS was. How is DS?

[2shoes]

YANBU
I would expect my dh to drop everything. and he has in the past(along with the person who was driving him.
(dd has been rushed to hospital with blues and twoes going)

[controlfreaky2]

i think the important thing isnt what's "normal" but that your (in my view) wholly realistic expectations aren't shared by him. you need to talk to him. what did he say? that he didnt care / didnt realise it was serious / that he didnt get the message / was too busy......? how is he as a parent normally? how is your relationship generally?

[gess]

I'd be livid. Dh has always dropped everything when one of the kids has had to go to hospital. When ds3 had his seizure he had to leave a course he'd waited a year to go to.

What is his explanation?

[JodieG1]

YANBU I would have expected him to leave the first meeting. My dh was at the airport and his flight was leaving in under an hour when I had to rush ds2 to the hospital with a head injury. I called him up and he left the airport right away and met us at the hospital. This was a few months ago when ds2 was about 5 months. He called work and explained and his trip was rearranged.

They even got the shuttle to come just for him at the airport when he told them why he needed to leave and it went straight to where he needed to go without making the normal stops. They were very helpful.

Ds2 ended up ok but with a concussion.

[BecauseImWorthIt]

Not sure - I suspect you gave off a bit of a mixed message by telling whoever took the message not tin interrupt him in his meeting. If it was an emergency that you wished him to attend with you then you should have interrupted the meeting.#

Sorry!

[WotsZePoint]

YANBU
However, I know your DH is not unique in his reasoning.

How is your ds?

[saltire]

I'd be livid as well, DS2 cut his head onc eand needed stictches. DH was supposed to be at a meeting with Very Important Military People and he just said to them "My DS has cut his head open, my wife is verging on the hysterical, I have to go". And he did.

[chopster]

Id be livid given the possibility of extra complications, and that he hadnt even called. Have to agree with the others too, my dp rushes home even for minor injuries where a&e is required.

[brimfull]

YANBU

I would be furious and hurt for your ds.

[alycat]

He got the message, but I'd said not to panic - meaning that DS wasn't at death's door.

He has tried to blame the message giver for downplaying the event. To which I countered, "did you know ds had hurt his head?" yes"did you know he'd gone by ambulance to hospital?" yes. Then I told him that I felt he had enough imformation to make a decision to call or come home. His reply "you didn't tell me to".

DS is fine, a little whingy and has had his head glued back together.

Generally he is a loving father but not very practical person. I do everything for the children, he doesn't see them a great deal due to working in the USA/Australia quite a bit and his working day (in the UK) being longer than they are awake! As for our relationship I feel generally unsupported in all aspects of parenting, so I suppose I shouldn't have expected anything else.

[Charlee]

I would have kicked his ass!

I remeber ringing up to DP's office in tears from the hospital when DS was in resus with Men C. His boss was lovley and he came screaching round the corner like a bat out of buggery within minutes.

[WotsZePoint]

I think you need to talk to him about how let down you feel and try and work things. Some dp/dh's can be quite thick at this kind of thing. Don't judge him too harshly until you have spoken to him. The message given to him at work, my not have been passed on correctly.

[WotsZePoint]

alycat, what I am trying to say is not to feel depressed about this and all the post saying how they have supportive partners. Dh/dp's are not all the same, there are lots like your dh. Doesn't mean he loves his family any less.

[Charlee]

Sorry that was insensitive for me to say how wonderfull my dp is. i am sorry

I really think you need to speak to him about how you think he should have delt with it and come to some sort of agreement about what he should do if the situation should arise again. My dp does things to annoy/upset me and usually has no idea but when i talk to him he realises and we compromise (somtimes)

[alycat]

Thank you all, esp WZP

I know they are all different, I suppose he is just used to me dealing with all emergencies and thinks I am a superwoman.

Well somedays I'd just like to be allowed to sob in a heap and let him step up.

[BecauseImWorthIt]

I think Wotszepoint is absolutely right - sometimes men need to be told what they have to do!

Hope all is well now.

[WotsZePoint]

exactly Charlee. Sometimes they are just complete idiots

[gess]

hmmm he sounds rather 'looked after' (not by you, did his mum do everything for him? met quite a few men who have always been told what to do by their mums isywim) by which i mean he wasn't being intentionally uncaring just a bit gormless. If you can do it without getting cross (I'd struggle ) probably worth trying to explain why you feel let down.

[alycat]

G, him mummy did his ironing until he was 30 - even though he'd left home to go to uni and never gone back to live!

[WotsZePoint]

alysuperwomancat

[gess]

PMSL. I once went out with someone who posted his dirty washing to his mum once a week (who would wash, iron and send back). Actually he was an independent thinker, it was his mum who insisted. Dh needs a bit of help thinking things through sometimes

I remember the story of my friend who was manning the phones during clearing. She said all the girls would ring for themselves and loads of boys mum's rang 'ooh he's such a lovely boy I don't know what happened during his A levels, he must have got in with the wrong crowd'.

I have 3 boys. Am trying to esnure they will make good dh's and trying to teach them to think for themselves! (well the younger 2 anyway).

[Hulababy]

YANBU. I would expect DH to have come out of the first meeting, to drop everything and to get straight over to the hospital to support both DD and me.