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To not tell my aunt that DD shares her name?

(80 Posts)
Dabdabdabdab Fri 10-Apr-20 11:20:33

Sorry, this is extremely convoluted. Also, NC as it's a bit identifying.

I've just realised my DD has the same first and middle name as my aunt. My aunt doesn't know this and I haven't told her, because DD is not named after her. She only knows my baby is named after her mother (my grandmother.) I don't know whether to tell my aunt as I don't know whether she would think it was a nice thing or slightly offensive.

Let's pretend my DDs name is Maria Georgina. Maria is after my grandmother (auntie's mum). Aunt is called Georgina, which also happens to be the feminine version of my DHs father's name, George. (In his culture, people name their children after their parents.) Aunt lives in another country and has never met DD. However, we keep in contact over email and meet up maybe every five years or so. Nobody in my family has a particularly good relationship with my aunt and her behaviour can be difficult sometimes, but I like being in touch with her as I don't have many relatives.

Aunt has just told me in her last email that her full name is actually Maria Georgina, i.e. that she shares a first name with her mother. (It's normal for people from my country to be called by their middle name instead of their first.) Aunty told me this because she knows my baby is called Maria and I guess she's happy that they share this in common. She doesn't know they share the exact same two names.

Aunt has no children or close family and I think our relationship (scant though it is) means a lot to her. I don't know if I should tell her "oh, incidentally, DD is called the same thing as you because of DH's dad". Or is it slightly offensive to have called her this even though this is my aunt's name and she isn't named after her? (I didn't really want to do this, for this reason, but it was important to DH to honour his dad.)

Dabdabdabdab Fri 10-Apr-20 11:24:01

Forgot to say DD is 10 months but they've never met.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Fri 10-Apr-20 11:24:03

How can you keep your dds name a secret.
I don’t understand

peachypetite Fri 10-Apr-20 11:25:45

So confused. Doesn’t she know your daughter’s name?

Calvinlookingforhobbes Fri 10-Apr-20 11:25:54

Tell her. She will be dlwighted

Archewell Fri 10-Apr-20 11:26:07

I don't understand.

Doesn't your aunt know the baby's name then?

Igmum Fri 10-Apr-20 11:26:42

I think it's lovely. I think she will be pleased and her letting you know her full name is a great opportunity to tell her.

Archewell Fri 10-Apr-20 11:26:49

And what does it matter, if you only see her every five years?

Minesacider Fri 10-Apr-20 11:28:03

If she values the relationship she wont find this offensive at all. I'm not sure why you would even think she might.

IVflytrap Fri 10-Apr-20 11:28:23

I would just tell her, but in a way that makes it clear you didn't name your DD after her. Just talk about it being a nice coincidence, explain why you chose the two names for your daughter and mention you didn't realise Maria was your aunt's actual first name too.

LittleBearPad Fri 10-Apr-20 11:28:25

confused

Dabdabdabdab Fri 10-Apr-20 11:28:31

I'm sorry, I must have expressed myself really opaquely!! Aunt knows my baby is called Maria, after her mother. She doesn't know she's also called Georgina, same as her.

Aunt has also just informed me that her full name is in fact Maria Georgina (because she was also given her mother's name as a first name.)

NoMoreDickheads Fri 10-Apr-20 11:28:59

Aww, I think she'd like it, and where's the harm in that if you care enough to keep in touch with her?

You could be careful how you word the second bit of the sentence. Maybe 'as DH's dad is called George.'

I'm sure she wouldn't mind much that you named your daughter after DH's dad rather than her, as it's a closer relative, plus you see him more often.

Fifthtimelucky Fri 10-Apr-20 11:29:14

I really don't understand the problem. Just reply 'gosh, what a coincidence. My Maria is also Maria Georgina. We chose that name because...'.
As she has only just told you her middle name she can hardly be surprised that you didn't know it before.

And better to tell her now than have her find out accidentally in five years time.

NotEverythingIsBlackandwhite Fri 10-Apr-20 11:30:18

Sounds like your aunt would be very pleased. I would tell her. I can't imagine why you would have told her your baby's first name but not her middle name.

Smelborp Fri 10-Apr-20 11:30:34

Just tell her! It’ll be weird if she discovers when DD is 10 and you’ve not mentioned it. Just be pleased at the coincidence in your reply.

GrumpyHoonMain Fri 10-Apr-20 11:30:52

Why does it matter even if she thinks baby is named after her? Regardless of her relationship with your family she seems to love you - might be a nice thing

Dabdabdabdab Fri 10-Apr-20 11:31:44

As she has only just told you her middle name she can hardly be surprised

Yeah but I didn't tell her they share any name at all.

Hugt Fri 10-Apr-20 11:32:23

I dont know why you wouldnt just say what a coincidence, Maria is Maria Georgia as shes named after Dps dad who is a george.

Is there a reason you wouldnt want her to know ?

My next door neighbour had given their baby my (unusual) name, and for some reason felt they had to clarify she wasnt named after me. I wasnt bothered!

TeensArghhhh Fri 10-Apr-20 11:32:48

I don’t understand the problem either. You’re dd has the same name as your aunt. Why would that be a problem for you, your dd or your aunt? Sorry but I don’t understand your angst

Hugt Fri 10-Apr-20 11:33:14

Have you not told any of dd's name? Why? (Genuine question)

TrollTheRespawnJeremy Fri 10-Apr-20 11:33:19

I don’t think it matters. It’s a nice talking point for about 5 seconds.

Dabdabdabdab Fri 10-Apr-20 11:33:29

My dad and aunt fell out recently so he hasn't passed on the info. She knew I had a new baby but she's not on social media or anything so didn't see any birth announcement on there.

Dabdabdabdab Fri 10-Apr-20 11:35:52

Is there a reason you wouldnt want her to know?

She's a bit intense and very emotional. But her, I named my baby after her mother so she can't really be upset about this, can she?

I'm gonna tell her. Hey - funny coincidence!

WickedlyPetite Fri 10-Apr-20 11:36:44

Bloody hell, I thought I was an overthinker.

This is such a non issue, as a PP said it would have been a 5 second talking point.

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