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To be sick of neighbours shopping

(211 Posts)
TriangleBingoBongo Sat 04-Apr-20 07:01:50

Just that really. Neighbour is early 80’s and extremely nimble, me and my DH really feel for him. He has no family but plenty of friends and a usually active social life. Problem being all his friends are a similar age. He is shielding himself.

At the beginning of this whole thing we asked if he needed any help. He readily accepted and asked us to nip to the post office (for stuff that needed to go to the counter), post letters. I did some shopping. DH was going to ask a few more neighbours if they needed help but decided against it as we soon realised how time consuming it is.

He’s totally computer literate and fortunately I introduced him to a milk delivery service which he seems to be using.

Now we’re a bit further into this crisis, DH is still working, I’m at home with a one year old and trying to work in a job which requires a lot of attention to detail. My boss is fantastic and I’m picking my hours up in the evening. Also have a DSS who is here on DH’s days off and has extra needs so quite full on. So there’s no spare time.

I keep letting the neighbour know when we’re picking things up and including him in our shop. He added some items to our online shop but of course I can’t get anymore slots now.

We had a shop delivered Tuesday, I let him know I was going to the local supermarket Friday, he said he didn’t need anything but he would give me a list.

He’s now given me a list. I don’t want to go shopping again. He seemed disappointed I don’t have any online slot. There aren’t any online slots! I’ll have to take DS, DH is at work and I only went the day before last. I have underlying health conditions, as does DSS and we’re trying to avoid going out more than we need to.

I think the elderly don’t appreciate the gravity of the situation and think we’re immune rather than less at risk.

Alsohuman Sat 04-Apr-20 07:07:05

Here we go, another “elderly” bashing thread.

plunkplunkfizz Sat 04-Apr-20 07:08:07

Have you extrapolated your experience of one neighbour to every single elderly person? Or do you have some other experience?

Potionqueen Sat 04-Apr-20 07:08:53

Just tell him you’ll only shop for him when you do your own shopping. Don’t risk another trip for him.

TriangleBingoBongo Sat 04-Apr-20 07:09:40

Obviously I’ve met other elderly people plunkplunkfizz what sort of a stupid question is that?

Goawayquickly Sat 04-Apr-20 07:09:41

Everything you have written suggests this man is very capable but is taking you up on things you have offered and now you’re moaning about it.

PippaPegg Sat 04-Apr-20 07:10:15

You told him you were going shopping on Friday and offered to get him items.. now you're annoyed he said yes and gave you a list?


Put boundaries around helping if it's pissing you off. E.g. we are doing a weekly shop at <name of shop>, give me a list and we will try to get things for you. Make it clear you are not able to go to multiple shops.

Also signpost him to whatever local groups exist to support him.

Bananacloud Sat 04-Apr-20 07:11:08

What actually seems to be the problem?
You offered help, he accepted and now you’re pissed off because... why? hmm

Mumdiva99 Sat 04-Apr-20 07:12:05

Yesterday was Friday - when you told him you'd be going shopping. So he gave you a list as discussed. Why didn't you pick his stuff up like you agreed? I'm confused. Sorry. It's only 7am so I don't think he's bought you the list this morning....

TW2013 Sat 04-Apr-20 07:12:26

Can you suggest that although you can't get delivery slots he might be able to and get him to register for a supermarket prioritising older people?

TriangleBingoBongo Sat 04-Apr-20 07:12:36

I’m happy to do some shopping for him. But not happy to have to do extra trips when I’m not already shopping. I asked on Friday. It’s now Sunday. He’s had two opportunities in a week, surely a third is unnecessary.

I am moaning, I’m fed up now. As we all are. I will of course carry on doing his shopping rather than see him starve but shall moan because it’s all getting on top of me!

Do I take my one year old today? I won’t have another opportunity without him.

TriangleBingoBongo Sat 04-Apr-20 07:13:45


I asked him if he needed anything Friday, he said no. But would organise a list. I think it’s stretching when someone offers on a Friday and you ask them to again on a Sunday.

Mumdiva99 Sat 04-Apr-20 07:14:37

It is not Sunday. It is early Saturday morning....

Goawayquickly Sat 04-Apr-20 07:15:37

Well, it’s Saturday not Sunday, just tell him you’ll add his bits to the next shopping trip.

TriangleBingoBongo Sat 04-Apr-20 07:15:45

I don’t even know what day of the week it is confused

It was the day before last. So must have been Thursday. I too have been up since 430 with a grotty toddler!

Jokie Sat 04-Apr-20 07:16:16

@TriangleBingoBongo: today is Saturday if I'm not mistaken?

Chemenger Sat 04-Apr-20 07:17:20

It’s Saturday, yesterday was Friday, the day you said you would go shopping for him. I’m not following your story.

GoldBoo Sat 04-Apr-20 07:17:58

This is brilliant. It is definitely Saturday today OP.

TriangleBingoBongo Sat 04-Apr-20 07:18:22

Yes I’ve gotten mixed up with my days.

Thursday I went to the shop, today is Saturday.

Mumdiva99 Sat 04-Apr-20 07:19:05 you don't know what day it is. Let's review the message. You told him you would shop Friday (yesterday) - so the gave you a list (yesterday) expecting that you would do as you said and get his shop with yours. I don't think your neighbour is being unrealistic or overly demanding. You offered and he said yes.

TheTrollFairy Sat 04-Apr-20 07:19:25

If he’s computer literate then get him to apply for the shopping help through the government website. I’m sure places like tesco are prioritising their slots for people who are shielding!

Troels Sat 04-Apr-20 07:19:35

Just tell him you are unable to go often, you can only go weekly as you and Ds have your own issues and you are working from home and need to complete it so you don't lose you job and income.
Give him a day in advance and say make a list for x day when I go for my own food, until then you won't be going anywhere. I'm doing this with my Mum who's 80. She can get milk and bread from the papershop delivered with her paper as needed by calling the shop the night before. (which she does)
Speak plainly I'm sure he'll understand.

FTMF30 Sat 04-Apr-20 07:19:46

Maybe next time give him a bit more time to put a list together. It might be difficult to think of things on the spot. Also, it's not Sunday.

Mumdiva99 Sat 04-Apr-20 07:19:46

Typo...he gave you a list. ( Not the)

Lefkosia Sat 04-Apr-20 07:19:58

Just tell him you can't be arsed with him anymore. Simples.

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