Oh dear God - in addition to what we're all worrying about - here I am on the laptop- in shock and feeling quite sad. Really not sure what the right thing to do is - So I am turning to the Mumsnet Community for help...
I am in a relationship for the past year or so. A lovely older man - (ten years older than I). His ex and he split up almost 30 years ago. Acrimonious split - he was the one who left - there were a lot of problems and I have been told he felt that was the best decision for the family that he leave - but as a result she did not allow him to see the children thereafter - they (namely his stepson) lost touch until about ten years ago - when someone contacted his stepson (who he calls his son). They were able to get together on numerous occasions - I don't think she (his ex) initially knew they'd been in touch for the longest time. But something happened and I believe she found out - for they lost touch once again - he tried to contact his stepson many time but never any reply - so I have been told and yes, I believe that to be absolutely true.
Anyway this evening, I was cruising on Facebook and looked at the stepson's FB page to see how he's been and saw- his mum passed away just before Xmas!?!
Other than feeling really shocked and saddened I'm truly at a loss - she was quite a few years older than my partner. I don't know if it was sudden or due to illness - I must also say my partner mentions them from time to time - always in a fond manner and always respectfully - lately I had thought of quietly contacting the stepson as maybe he felt split into choosing loyalty to his mum - which is understandable but life is short and it saddens me that some families function this way - but I haven't.
I did not feel it fair to do this to my partner without discussion - also the relationship is quite new.
AIBU not to say anything? Keep this quiet? Make like it never happened?
I now wonder what would the repercussion be if I don't say and he somehow finds out- I feel I'm damned if I do or if I don't?
One side of me feels it would be intrusive, it's not my business and it would cause pain - which is the last thing I want for anyone.
It's just really sad the mum (his ex) has passed away and he (my partner) is oblivious to that fact.
The only reason I knew where to look on FB was because my partner actually went online and showed me one evening when we were chatting about family and past lives.
Thanks everyone for reading.
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AIBU?
Just found out his ex passed away - he doesn't know
60 replies
CatonNZ · 02/04/2020 02:21
OP posts:
Am I being unreasonable?
56 votes. Final results.
POLL
You are being unreasonable
63%
You are NOT being unreasonable
38%
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