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To be fed up with shop shamers on here

(175 Posts)
MonaLisaDoesntSmile Wed 01-Apr-20 10:05:49

Firstly, please dont think I encourage people going out three times a day to get some chocolate or ice cream or whatever. The guidance is clear to go as infrequently as possible (although unlike some people think, it's NOT to go shopping once a week or fortnight). However, the amount of people saying stuff along the lines - your shopping is not essential/ we did it, therefore everyone else can do it/you don't need this or that/ you can make your own bread* (whatever other item) is a bit shocking. In times when empathy is particularly important too.

So just to say, the reason while some people cannot just go out to shop once a month like you:

- some people have multiple food allergies and/or have limited diet, making shopping and finding the items needed more difficult.
- some shops around are not well stocked as those in other areas and essentials are not always available the time they go shopping
- not everyone has an industrial size fridge and freezer. I for one have no space to freeze 4 gallons of milk or 2 loafs of bread
- not everything people may need freezes well
- some delivery shops offer fresh produce which expire quickly. Our only delivery which we managed to sort out over the last two weeks had everything expiring within 2/3 days, with the bread expiring the next day, not a week like we hoped, we were not able to freeze all the stuff we wanted either. My two local small shops are notorious for selling fruit and veg which lasts 2-3 days is we're lucky
- not everyone had an amazingly stocked pantry before, nor space to buy a lot of items with long shelf life
- one's person essentials are not the same as other people- the fact someone do not consider something as essential does not mean it is also not essential for other people and the other way round
- not everyone has a car and can do a huge shop infrequently
- not everyone has an amazing support network
- not everyone is lucky to have enough money to make one big shop a fortnight
- not everyone has local shops which deliver to your doorstep- we have nothing in our area, no butchers, no corner shops do home deliveries so we depend on ourselves having to go out and actually hope we can buy what we need
- not everyone has equipment, know how and/or ingredients to make lets say bread or whatever else people think you can magically whip up on the spot.
- some people do not have a great support network, and asking strangers to do a huge shop is not always possible

I'm sure there are other reasons too, we all have different needs.

I think isntead of shouting at others that they dare to go out shopping, maybe lets just accept that without knowing the circumstances it may be best not to judge? Everyone is doing their best with what we have.

LoveLongLife Wed 01-Apr-20 10:12:04

You shop as much as you need to OP. But do it safely, as I'm sure you are.

MonaLisaDoesntSmile Wed 01-Apr-20 10:18:33

@LoveLongLife I am, or rather my partner is these days, but we have an extremely fussy toddler who eats very limited foods, and has allergies, and unfortunately getting the stuff we need is not always popssible in one go; I am just fed up with reading 'you don't need this or that' on so many posts around knowing we don't have much choice- and still I think we are doing well leaving very infrequently!

Bathroom12345 Wed 01-Apr-20 10:20:00

My DS works full time at supermarket. He says he sees the same faces every single day and bravely asked one elderly lady as he knew her as a regular and she said she always shopped every day because she liked coming out and what else was there to do.

Another family - Mum, Dad and 2 kids was asked very nicely by the store manager why they were in every single day and allowing their child to run around and was told they were going mad at home and the sm was the only place open!!

MonaLisaDoesntSmile Wed 01-Apr-20 10:27:01

@Bathroom12345 Obviously I am not talking about people who could do a bigger shop once but prefer not to, but people who actually need to go out more often than others because of the circumstances, despite prefering to stay in.

slipperywhensparticus Wed 01-Apr-20 10:30:45

Your talking to a wall here I'm afraid people will come up with 101 anecdotes of he said she said they said my mate said etc

LoveLongLife Wed 01-Apr-20 10:31:43

I think, OP, you need to quietly get on with what you need to do and not worry about coming here for Mumsnet to give you permission.

Off-licence, hardware stores and newsagents are allowed to be open and you can't buy a weeks worth of groceries at any of them, so it's a matter of common sense.

You don't sound like you're taking the piss so I'd just relax a bit more and do what you need to do.

Depending on which way the wind blows will depend on what responses you get here. Honestly, start this thread again tomorrow and you might get completely different answers.

You are not owned by Mumsnet or anyone on it, so do your own sweet thing and it will be alright. Unless the government say you can't buy less than 5 items a pop, which they haven't done.

Jellybean27 Wed 01-Apr-20 10:34:15

Agree. Completely. @LoveLongLife

Deux Wed 01-Apr-20 10:40:45

I think it’s only on mumsnet that people are so concerned with what others are doing whilst telling themselves how great and virtuous they are. I don’t see it or hear it irl.

I bought 3 Easter eggs yesterday and it felt like an act of rebellion.

PhilCornwall1 Wed 01-Apr-20 10:41:58

* Your talking to a wall here I'm afraid people will come up with 101 anecdotes of he said she said they said my mate said etc*

Agreed. It's almost like we should never think for ourselves over this and the Government must now tell us exactly how we should live every second of the day. They've told us a certain amount what we can do (whatever your view on that maybe), but people must do what they feel they need to. If others think it's unreasonable, well that's down to them, but don't start having a go. People are turning against each other after a week and a half and if that continues, there is going to be severe trouble.

If a shop is open, I will use it and others view of "essential" isn't necessarily mine and they should mind their own business.

goose1964 Wed 01-Apr-20 10:43:30

Deux I'll see your easter eggs and raise you 6 unicorn cup cakes.

BearSoFair Wed 01-Apr-20 10:52:42

I'm just back from Asda, along with my essentials I bought 2 tubes of Pringles and a packet of Kit Kats, I did think of MN as I was scanning them through! Half expected someone to leap out at me frothing "they aren't essentials!" grin

Tableclothing Wed 01-Apr-20 10:54:17

You can't win, OP. Buy a few groceries and you shouldn't be shopping so often. Do a big shop and you're selfishly stockpiling. God help you if you have a delivery slot.

PhilCornwall1 Wed 01-Apr-20 10:57:01

* God help you if you have a delivery slot.*

We have one or two of those booked up grin

Boulshired Wed 01-Apr-20 10:58:55

According to many topics I read I am selfish no matter what I do. If I send DS to special school I’m selfish, if I keep him at home (which I’ve done) and book delivery slots I’m selfish. If I keep him indoors he makes too much noise and if I let him in the garden the same. The sad thing is this lock down is no different for me than every weekend and school holiday with a 5ft 6 violent child. The thing is to read all posts with a pinch of salt because no one knows someone’s real circumstances. But this is aibu take it for what it is.

NewYearNewJob123 Wed 01-Apr-20 11:01:05

I live alone and was depressed anyway. What used to help a lot was having a couple of things a week to look forward to involving family/friends.

That's all now not possible. I spend 24/7 alone and don't know how many weeks or months it might be till I get a kiss, a hug or even just touched by someone.

Yes, i'm going out for non-essentials. Not even every day but non-essentials none the less because my shopkeeper asking how I am or that bottle of wine I buy is literally the only thing preventing my suicide right now.

The idea that someone would see me and then post on an internet forum about me being a selfish twat or a murderer or stupid is just so, so awful.

ilovecakeandwine Wed 01-Apr-20 11:01:44

You don't need permission from anyone . Your right people have many reasons but for some if you are leaving the house less than once every 2 weeks you are selfish.
I actually just commented on another thread that someone said because a couple of people had commented that you should only go out a minimum of once a fortnight then that is what you should do . Some people genuinely believe what others are saying .

AlternativePerspective Wed 01-Apr-20 11:05:13

Never ceases to amaze me when people say things like “just make your own bread.” Okayyyy. Well, given that bread flour and yeast appear impossible to come by at the moment, good luck with that then.

I already had a couple of bread mixes in the cupboard because I often make them to go with soup.

I am generally industrious in terms of I make my own soups, have a pasta maker etc so if it came to it I could find ways around most issues, but not everyone is like me.

I do frown on people who have more than one delivery slot booked though because at the moment even the vulnerable are struggling to find slots. Sainsburys now have it right in that they only allow you to shop there if you’re on their vulnerable list and even then you can only book one delivery slot per week. Ocado I believe are going in a similar direction and have no idea what Tesco’s are doing because while they’ve been crowing about how many more drivers and slots they have available, the evidence I see from others trying to book with that doesn’t bear that out.

Port1aCastis Wed 01-Apr-20 11:07:46

Well there seems to be an awful lot of perfect posters judging others and the ageism is getting beyond foul, I think brain in gear before posting is a good mantra to go by.

AlternativePerspective Wed 01-Apr-20 11:08:50

And tbh I can see why people are going out to the supermarket.

I am at-risk (although not on the government list) but have serious heart problems meaning that if I catch the virus the outcome is likely to be inevitable. I have been told by medical professionals that I need to stay at home completely other than the ten minute blood test I need to have every couple of weeks to test my INR levels.

As someone who hates shopping, I would love to go to the supermarket. grin so I genuinely can see why people go shopping just to be able to get out of the house.

YgritteSnow Wed 01-Apr-20 11:09:06

I think quite a few MNetters will quietly name change when things calm down as they will cringe at how they posted and what they became during this crisis.

Judystilldreamsofhorses Wed 01-Apr-20 11:09:18

I agree. M&S is our closest supermarket, and is quiet and well stocked. I went yesterday, which was the first time I had been in a shop in over a week. My DP was horrified when I came back with some daffodils and a packet of praline eggs. If I am in a shop, and I can buy a non-essential item which will bring me pleasure, I will.

MonaLisaDoesntSmile Wed 01-Apr-20 11:09:33

@LoveLongLife It's lovely to see reasonable posts here. But yesterday someone told me I don't need bread and anyways can make my own. I am lucky to have a breadmaker but no flour (unless someone can come up with a delicious bread recipe made with mainly potato starch grin )

@Deux I think it's happening a lot on FB too, seen loads of people screaming down in caps lock on others for daring to buy something non-essential BECAUSE WE'RE IN LOCKDOWN. Don't know what these people do in real life (do they stick their heads out of their wondows and shout at passerbys with shopping bags?) as we're not leaving house often enough to experience that^^

@NewYearNewJob123 I am so sorry to hear that. It's tough in the best of times, not even mentioning a situation like this... I know this is not available everywhere, but a local FB group is doing an e-pal scheme of sorts where you get paired up with someone to chat/write- maybe something similar is available where you live? It will not replace human contact which I think is so important

AlternativePerspective Wed 01-Apr-20 11:09:37

I do think that people should keep their children under control though. But I think that regardless of whether we’re in lockdown.

kilisibird Wed 01-Apr-20 11:12:20

He says he sees the same faces every single day and bravely asked one elderly lady as he knew her as a regular and she said she always shopped every day because she liked coming out and what else was there to do.

This is so sad sad

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