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To want to withdraw as a volunteer?

(319 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

ladylovesmilktray Tue 31-Mar-20 23:18:38

I am working full time but have contacted my local council who delivered leaflets asking for people who may help the vulnerable and elderly. For the last two weeks I have been helping with the shopping for an elderly lady distant from her family but it is getting too much. I am going three times a week to the shops for her but each time she gives me a list of multiple shops - today was boots, home bargains and aldi - all with individual long queues for really specific items that just aren't available. When I get the next best thing, say strawberry yogurt because cherry is sold out for example, when i take them back she refuses to pay as it wasn't what she wanted. This has happened lots of times now! I just end up having these items. Like flash spray not Dettol spray because she hates bleach when on the list it just said cleaning spray! This is becoming a nightmare with my job and my own jobs and health but I don't want to leave her in the lurch. The original councillor is no help!

BIWI Tue 31-Mar-20 23:19:50

YABVU and horrifically ageist.

You have a problem with the person you're shopping for. You can't use this one person to define all the elderly.

Apirateslifeforme Tue 31-Mar-20 23:21:41

This isnt an elderly problem, this woman is an ungrateful cow, regardless of what age she is.
I wouldn't be helping her again in your shoes,
But also, if you choose not to help anyone else then that's you're prerogative.

You did something nice, sad that shes ruined that

SharonasCorona Tue 31-Mar-20 23:23:21


OP hasn't made even one generalised comment about the elderly confused

OP, YANBU. A few questions:

- if you stop, are the council likely to find someone easily?
- can you set clear boundaries (one shop per week)
- If they don't have the item she wants, don't buy it.

TheArchSorcererofContwaraburg Tue 31-Mar-20 23:23:58

Please tell whoever is organising this.

MissConductUS Tue 31-Mar-20 23:24:01

If she was 40 years younger you'd have the same issues with her, it's nothing to due with being elderly.

Set some limits - one shop per week, essential groceries only, cash up front, substitutions as needed. If those aren't acceptable her it's her choice.

ladylovesmilktray Tue 31-Mar-20 23:25:04

I think my subject may be a misnomer them. It is this lady rathe than all elderly people.

chocolatespiders Tue 31-Mar-20 23:25:15

I do shopping for a lady and can feel the pressure sometimes especially in the current shortage.
Could you discuss the list with her and say what would be your next choice if they dont have strawberry yogurt.

BIWI Tue 31-Mar-20 23:25:45

@SharonasCorona look at the title of her thread

JanewaysBun Tue 31-Mar-20 23:25:48

Fuck that she seems like a nightmare...

So is this how these scenes work you get the stuff then they pay after? Seems to me it should be money upfront then change refunded or whatever otherwise loads of people will be out of pocket!

JKScot4 Tue 31-Mar-20 23:26:18

Feck that, you’re a volunteer not a slave. It’s prescriptions and one stop Tesco or Sainsburys, not a tour of the town.

saraclara Tue 31-Mar-20 23:26:25

OP hasn't made even one generalised comment about the elderly

@SharonasCorona, read the title of the OP

Starlight1243 Tue 31-Mar-20 23:27:26

Shes taking advantage op, I wouldn't do it anymore.

ladylovesmilktray Tue 31-Mar-20 23:27:56

Sorry the title is badly worded. This is not my view.

TheMustressMhor Tue 31-Mar-20 23:29:08

Just don't get an alternative if the shops don't have exactly what she wants.

Oakmaiden Tue 31-Mar-20 23:29:12

#YEah, your title is going to get a lot of knee jerk reactions about being unreasonable, while your actual post is very reasonable. Maybe see if MNHQ will edit the title for you?

ladylovesmilktray Tue 31-Mar-20 23:29:57

Thanks oakmaiden

RaininSummer Tue 31-Mar-20 23:30:50

What a shame that this lady is a shopping horror. I actually think it's too much to expect you to go to multiple shops. It's putting you at risk as well as others.

SharonasCorona Tue 31-Mar-20 23:31:02

look at the title of her thread

OP has had a bad experience with volunteering. It's natural that she is reluctant to help again. That is NOT ageist.

Her title doesn't say 'AIBU to hate the elderly'.

My mum is elderly and I adore her, but we have to push back when she is being unreasonable with some things she wants. For example, she wants fresh meat and bakery bread regularly, whereas we have suggested 1 shop per week and she can put meat in freezer.

WineAndTiramisu Tue 31-Mar-20 23:33:45

YANBU, the first time she refused to pay for an item that was the wrong flavour I'd have given up. It's one supermarket, one trip and she has to accept whatever is closest to what she's asked for!

shinyredbus Tue 31-Mar-20 23:35:04

Just withdraw as a volunteer then 🤷🏻‍♀️

oncemorewithfeeling99 Tue 31-Mar-20 23:35:24

I'm volunteering with a charity and we have rules that people can request generic basic items only.

I thought the policy was a bit harsh but I can see how the need for the policy arises with people taking advantage.

SharonasCorona Tue 31-Mar-20 23:35:55

Just withdraw as a volunteer then

Really helpful.

TrainspottingWelsh Tue 31-Mar-20 23:36:13

Tell her it's a once a week shop, to whichever you normally go to. Either she agrees to substitutions or goes without any missing items.

I'm shopping for several households at the moment, all people I know anyway. Under normal circumstances if one was unwell I'd happily go round wherever, but at present, and for more than one, it's a case of a weekly shop bar emergencies.

Blitzen2 Tue 31-Mar-20 23:37:04

If it was me I would be giving her one last chance but making it clear she accepts what’s available. Its not like your doing it on purpose, the shops are mental just now.

If she does it again I’d tell her to find someone else to help her

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