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To leave husband during lockdown

(620 Posts)
MWallsb Sun 29-Mar-20 21:53:57

Currently living with my husband in a remote area far away from any of my family and friends, who are all in London where I’m from originally. Since getting married last year and subsequently moving to my husband’s hometown, he’s become abusive both physically and mentally. Prior to lockdown, things were just about manageable as he’d spend long hours at work and often worked away for extended periods of time. For the last two weeks, he’s been WFH and things have become unbearable. My anxiety is through the roof and I don’t feel able to cope in the home. It has dawned on me that I need to leave the marriage sooner rather than later. I’m lucky enough to have a great support network of family and friends, however, all are in London. My sister who lives in central London and has asked me to pack my things and travel up to stay with her for my safety until the lockdown is over, after which time I can then look at a longer term plan.

I’m of course aware of the very strict rules in place at the moment with regards to non essential travel. From what I’ve read, it’s acceptable to leave home if travelling to a refuge, but it’s not permissible to leave home to stay with family elsewhere. I have both a car or a train station nearby to get me in to central London, but it’s a 2 hour journey and I’m seeing all over the news about the police stopping people to ask for evidence as to why they are travelling and issuing fines/forcing them to return back home if their reason for travelling is not permissible etc.

If I were to leave, it would have to be without my husband knowing (in the night or making a quick getaway whilst he’s out of the house). I’m terrified I might attempt to travel in to London and be stopped or forced to return home again which would have awful implications for me. I suppose I’m just looking for some advice really in terms of what to do or what others would do in my situation. I feel in desperate need of family support, but at the same time the last thing I need is to get in trouble with the law. TIA

OmgThereAreNoPlanesAboveMeNow Sun 29-Mar-20 21:55:37

Go. No one will send you back

MsChatterbox Sun 29-Mar-20 21:55:58

I would phone the police non emergency number and let them know your plan. Best of luck. Hopefully you will soon be safe with your sister.

Cherrysoup Sun 29-Mar-20 21:55:58

There was a thread earlier saying you can leave/travel to escape a domestic violence situation. Go, girl, go.

MasterMargarita Sun 29-Mar-20 21:56:23

I'd say leaving an abusive arsehole can be classified as essential travel. Go for it before it's too late.

OmgThereAreNoPlanesAboveMeNow Sun 29-Mar-20 21:57:18

I would phone the police non emergency number and let them know your plan.

I wouldn't. It's just added risk of him finding out.

Just go. If you get stop you, IF, you tell them the truth

RandomMess Sun 29-Mar-20 21:57:32

You are leaving due to abuse. I suggest you ring the domestic violence helpline and local police and report the violence and tell them you are leaving.

Worst they will do is fine you.

It's clear you can't stay.

Be safe thanks

Collision Sun 29-Mar-20 21:57:53

Absolutely go.

Go tomorrow.

The police would probably help you if they knew.

Baluchistan95 Sun 29-Mar-20 21:58:32

You already know the correct thing to do. Good luck.

PanicAtTheDiscLo Sun 29-Mar-20 21:58:38

Hi.
We have been given guidance at work on this.

You go. If you are stopped you tell them you’re leaving an abusive marriage.
You can present at a police station or 999 and you can ask for a refuge too.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall Sun 29-Mar-20 21:58:41

I saw something today in the news and people on here have also been talking about it. It's ok to leave an abusive/controlling relationship

Can you leave safely if he's wfh? Maybe email or ring non emergency police number for support

SkaLaLand Sun 29-Mar-20 21:59:30

I would go OP if you are stopped, you explain where your re going and why. Police are human like us (as I was told on another thread) and remember they will have come across your situation before and will not turn you back. If anything they would help you.

MelbaToast Sun 29-Mar-20 21:59:30

I would consider it to be essential travel. If you get stopped tell the truth. No police officer in their right mind would send you back to the house of sn abuser. Just do it.

tensmum1964 Sun 29-Mar-20 21:59:44

Think of your sisters house as a refuge. You wouldn't get in to trouble as no Police officer worth their weight would criticise your decision. You really should get to your sisters as soon as you can. Ring womens aid if you need advice. Good luck and I really hope you get away from this awful situation.

browzingss Sun 29-Mar-20 21:59:54

Yes you should go

EveryDayIsADuvetDay Sun 29-Mar-20 21:59:56

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-52081280

Priti Patel made an announcement today on this subject, stating that even in lockdown, no one is expected to stay in an abusive relationship or at threat of abuse.

Lots of luck with whatever you decide to do, an awful situation to be in.

ADreamOfGood Sun 29-Mar-20 22:00:08

Priti Patel has said women leaving abusive situations will not be penalised. Please go if she can offer you safe haven.

ilovedjerrymore Sun 29-Mar-20 22:00:19

Go!!!!! Please for your own safety just go. If you are stopped deal with it then either tell them the truth which hopefully they will understand or a
Little lie (yes shoot me now I said lie, but being locked up with a violent partner is so dangerous) please op go! flowers

Embracelife Sun 29-Mar-20 22:00:40

Go.

Greenkit Sun 29-Mar-20 22:02:11

Please just go xx

AGoodPodcastAndANiceCupOfTea Sun 29-Mar-20 22:02:56

Priti Patel has said today that this is not an uncommon situation and that whilst official advice is to stay in it is important to be aware that not everyone is fortunate enough to live in a place that allows us to be safe. She said that people who are unsafe have to be allowed to leave dangerous situations.

"Whilst our advice is to stay at home, anyone who is at risk of, or experiencing, domestic abuse, is still able to leave and seek refuge. Refuges remain open, and the police will provide support to all individuals who are being abused - whether physically, emotionally, or otherwise," she added."

Please leave and get to a place of safety as soon as possible. No one takes this virus more seriously than I do but you cannot stay. Good luck

GreenTulips Sun 29-Mar-20 22:03:07

Think about your paperwork
Certificate birth and marriage
Payslips
Passport

Start loading the car whilst gardening
Hide stuff in the garage

You can do this

Laurendelight Sun 29-Mar-20 22:03:40

Just go. If they stop you give your sister’s address as your home address.

Wynston Sun 29-Mar-20 22:06:25

Stay safe op......leave as soon as you can.

QuacksInTheDark Sun 29-Mar-20 22:06:43

Absolutely go, escape! You’re so fucking brave well done OP for getting to this stage. Run like the wind and don’t look back.

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