Generally get on with my ex and his partner. We’ve been split for around 7 years and share DD age 8 together. Both moved on, he and his partner have a son together and me and my partner have a daughter as well. All very amicable, until tonight. We’ve had a huge disagreement.
They normally have DD every weekend during term time (not my choice but ex works away during the week so it’s the only time he gets to see her) and then every other week during the holidays. DD has been at their house for over a week now and was suppose to be coming back home today. I didn’t get to spend Mother’s Day with her (which was crap) but I reluctantly agreed to it as I thought that she’d be home today.
I spoke to his partner last night and she asked me if they could keep her for the foreseeable future, until all this blows over. I voiced my concerns and explained that wouldn’t really work for us as it could mean we might not see DD for months (god knows how long this will go on for). She said that was fine and that she’d leave it up to me and my ex to discuss as it wasn’t really her place to say anything (not sure why she mentioned it in the first place then?). Fast forward to today and I’ve received a text from my ex basically saying the same thing, which leads me to believe it’s his partner using his phone. The tone of the message also comes across quite aggressive/rude which isn’t really like him either. He’s normally a very laid back person as where she tends to be quite abrupt.
They’ve again asked if they can keep DD for the foreseeable future until COVID-19 is over and there argument is based on the fact that I work in a nursing home 2 days a week. I’ve tried to reassure them that we all wear PPE and disinfect the place 24/7, it is absolutely spotless. The residents are also not allowed visitors in at the moment and it has been that way since all this began. I’ve also explained that there is probably more of a chance of them contracting the virus from going to the supermarket/out on a walk as a family but they just won’t accept it. Anyone can catch the virus, just because I work in a home doesn’t necessarily mean I will catch the virus. I absolutely take this seriously (as does the rest of my family - we have been washing hands thoroughly, staying at home unless going to work) but IMO his partner has gone absolutely OTT, she is definitely one of the panic buyers that you see in the shops.
I’ve tried to compromise and have even suggested that they have her for two weeks, we have her for two weeks and so on, in order to minimise the going “back and fourth”. Ex has now replied stating that they will keep her for another two weeks (even though they have had her for a week already) meaning I won’t get to see my daughter for 3 weeks. I asked them how would they feel if they couldn’t see DD for over a month and they haven’t responded. My youngest DD misses her big sister too so it would be nice for them to spend some time together. I’m not normally one to argue and I absolutely hate confrontation. I tend to just let them have their way as it makes for an easier life, plus I want DD to have a good relationship with her dad, but AIBU in thinking that their being bloody awkward and just want it “their” way?
(I know I have every right to go and pick my daughter up but I would rather it not get to that stage). I am trying to come up with a solution that works for both of us but also keeps DD safe.
What do you guys think?
AIBU?
In thinking that my ex and his partner are being extremely awkward during COVID 19?
Newyorkcitybaby · 28/03/2020 21:26
I would actually state that you will go to court if they don't return her/release her to you. If they then want to suspend contact to reduce contamination risk you understand and they can let you know when they are ready to resume contact.
I have said I'm happy for them to keep her for another week (they've then had her for two weeks) but ideally I don't want to go 3 weeks without seeing her. I asked how they would feel if the shoe was on the other foot and ex has just responded to say that they wouldn't care as long as DD was safe, it's their main priority apparently and they will go without seeing her if it means she doesn't catch the virus (earlier they've were afraid I would have the virus 
). I want to call them bluff by picking her up and keeping her with me for a month and see what their response is then.
Your ex has no obligation to hand her over when you get there so I think you're being sensible in that turning up and expecting to take her back to your house probably isn't the best option. My best suggestion would just be try talk it out more with her father, easier said than done I know. 
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