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Incredibly selfish son!

(111 Posts)
AsiaEbene Thu 26-Mar-20 10:42:24

Hi,

I really don’t know where to start, please bare with me.

1. DS18 is refusing to self-isolate, in his own words he doesn't understand why there is so much commotion and uproar regarding the coronavirus and he needs to go out and carry on as normal because it is going to have an huge impact on his mental health.

2. A few days ago, I received a phone call from his girlfriend (very lovely girl, beautiful inside and out) who was in distress (crying) he has been cheating on her, I am disgusted with him. I have confronted him, he has said that doesn't know why he ”does” it and he doesn't have no particular justification and that he doesn't want to speak any further on the matter. This morning I received a phone call from her mother informing me that DS has given her an STI, DS is claiming that it is a lie she is trying to gain his attention.

3. DS10 suffers from Aspergers and anxiety, his anxiety is very bad at the moment, he believes that DS18 is going to catch coronavirus and die.

AIBU for wanting to leave the house and go and stay with his father?

Mrsjayy Thu 26-Mar-20 10:45:26

He sounds a pain in the arse an entitled sod ! Send him to his fathers you don't need him in the house swanning in and out.

Mrsjayy Thu 26-Mar-20 10:47:30

I do think you should stay neutral with the girlfriend whatever you do will be wrong so don't take sides.

AsiaEbene Thu 26-Mar-20 10:54:33

@Mrsjayy

Hi, I will not take sides even though what my son has done is completely disgusting, I never ever thought he would grow to be like this. It's almost as if he doesn't care about mine and his little brothers health.

blackcat86 Thu 26-Mar-20 11:00:25

Your eldest needs a kick up the arse whatever that looks like for you. He sounds very entitled and disrespectful. You're getting tearful phone calls from his ex and then the humiliation of STI news from her DM and he doesn't want to talk about it anymore?? Your youngest may be right. Perhaps the virus will affect him or maybe he'll just spread it around. Tell him to move out.

MatildaTheCat Thu 26-Mar-20 11:01:59

If his father will be able to control him and it keeps your younger son in better health, yes, send him.

He doesn’t deserve to have a choice if he is breaking the rules.

NewYearNewJob123 Thu 26-Mar-20 11:04:34

He's an adult. You need to tell his GF and her Mum not to call you to complain about him. It's very weird that they did.

Porcupineinwaiting Thu 26-Mar-20 11:05:30

Well luckily for him he's unlikely to die but he's hugely likely to catch coronavirus. So which household is best for that from a safety point of view? Who's most vulnerable? If it's you then send him to his dad's today.

Porcupineinwaiting Thu 26-Mar-20 11:06:52

And yy wrt his girlfriend and her mum. They need to deal with him not you (or in girlfriend's case, bin him asap)

Greybutterfly Thu 26-Mar-20 11:08:58

Send him to his father. You need to protect yourself and your other son. Likewise you also need to make it clear you are not taking sides as you will always be on his however you are disgusted with his behaviour. It sounds like this goes deeper and he may need to talk to someone about why he acts in this way

AsiaEbene Thu 26-Mar-20 11:10:56

@blackcat86

I don’t want him to go, but he is fully aware of his brothers condition and is refusing to take that into consideration.

@MatildaTheCat

Thank you, I had a feeling that people here would think I’m being unreasonable. When he does come home, I will tell him he has to go.

AsiaEbene Thu 26-Mar-20 11:12:44

@NewYearNewJob123

Yes, exactly it was very strange of them to call me. I can understand that she/they are very upset but my son is 18, I don’t have much control over him anymore and he knows that, that’s why he is behaving like this.

Mrsjayy Thu 26-Mar-20 11:13:28

He is 18 full of himself thinks he is invincible, let his dad deal with it, he is putting himself in danger his behaviour is appauling.

AsiaEbene Thu 26-Mar-20 11:14:11

@Porcupineinwaiting

I don’t know... I think I am more embarrassed than he is.

QuestionMarkNow Thu 26-Mar-20 11:14:13

One question about him staying at his dad.
Did he learn that sort of behaviour from his father? Would staying with his dad make his behaviour even worse (the not isolating, cheating etc...)?

LoveFameTragedy Thu 26-Mar-20 11:14:46

He may be 18 but he is certainly not acting like an adult so can’t expect to be treated like one!

GreenTulips Thu 26-Mar-20 11:16:47

I don’t see a problem with them calling you because he may already know and hasn’t been bothered to get tested or receive treatment for himself. Has he?

Is he still passing in the infection seeing as he has no regard for the CV?

I’d pick his bags for him and leave them on the door step

QuestionMarkNow Thu 26-Mar-20 11:16:48

Btw, I’m nit sure that his dad will have more chance of ‘controlling him’ as you do. After all, your ds is 18yo whether he is staying with you or his dad (unless we are going back to the fact he has more respect for his father, because he is a man, then he has towards you, because you’re a woman. This could explain his lack of ‘issue’ about cheating, wo even bothering with a condom!!)

But him going means you have more chance to be there for your younger child. You need to do that for him and for yourself.

penisbeakers Thu 26-Mar-20 11:17:36

Wow. What an obnoxious little shit.

If he refuses to stay indoors and behave as everyone has been asked to do, you have two choices. One is to tell him when he leaves next that he is to go to his dad's. The other is to report him to the police for breaking the lockdown rules. One or the other of those things might shake him up a bit.

His girlfriend would do well to dump him.

heartsonacake Thu 26-Mar-20 11:21:02

He’s acting like an arse re. self isolating.

However, you shouldn’t be confronting him over relations between him and his girlfriend. That’s nothing to do with you; it’s none of your business and he doesn’t need to explain himself to you.

Your sons girlfriends mother also should not be getting involved. If they’re old enough to be having sex they’re old enough to sort out their own protection and their own problems.

AsiaEbene Thu 26-Mar-20 11:21:48

@QuestionMarkNow

Dad was a serial cheat, we spilt up 7 years ago. DS doesn't know the true reason why we spilt up.

Dad always said that both boys would grow up to hate me and as soon as they become of age where I can't ”control” them they'll leave me.

Yes, I can admit that I am protective over both boys, and did wrap DS18 in “cotton wool” because he was my first child, I wish I didn’t now, because this is why he is behaving like this, I believe.

AsiaEbene Thu 26-Mar-20 11:25:56

@GreenTulips

I have been finding condom wrappers in his jeans and joggers recently, it didn’t come across my mind that he was sleeping with other girls.

I’m sure if he thought he had something he would go and get tested, he never usually takes any chances when it comes to his health, but like I said above he is refusing to take Coronavirus serious.

AsiaEbene Thu 26-Mar-20 11:27:26

I am not really on talking terms with Dad, but I have sent him a text and he hasn’t replied as of yet.

AsiaEbene Thu 26-Mar-20 11:28:18

@heartsonacake

I agree with everything you’ve said.

heartsonacake Thu 26-Mar-20 11:32:40

I agree with everything you’ve said.

AsiaEbene That’s good. Although I’m confused as to why, if you agree, you confronted him about the cheating?

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