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To think this is torturing single people?

(477 Posts)

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VirtualHugsAllRound Thu 26-Mar-20 08:55:37

Even if it's intermittent lockdown and social distancing... Both mean you're not supposed to meet with family and friends.
If you live alone this is torture. Isolation is used as torture/punishment fgs!
We're always being shown that families are more important, that we've failed by not having a partner and reproducing. Now we are expected to live in isolation for months on end.
And at the end of it, no one is going to say "well done for undergoing months of torture to protect others" or support us with healing from the trauma this will cause. As usual, just expected to suck it up.

I cant do this.

NastyOldBag Thu 26-Mar-20 08:58:14

It’s shit for everyone. I’m sorry but I don’t have much empathy to spare when I have a Dh who is genuinely risking his life at the moment and I’m incredibly ill, stuck inside with 2 young dc and no chance of a break for the foreseeable future.

PurpleDaisies Thu 26-Mar-20 08:58:20

It’s really hard. flowers

The key thing is to find other ways of interacting socially.

I’ve done virtual coffee meet ups with friends over zoom, FaceTime with family, WhatsApp chat and a lot of phone calls. It’s not the same as seeing people in person but it’s better than nothing.

SudokuQueen Thu 26-Mar-20 08:59:19

I think yabu referring to it as torture. Have you ever been locked in a small cell with literally nothing to do, no one to talk to at all?

You still have phones. You have email. You can watch TV, play games, learn a new language, go for a walk. You aren't completely isolated, you aren't completely locked in.

PurpleDaisies Thu 26-Mar-20 08:59:52

Living up to your username nasty. No need for that.
It’s hard for you, yes. It is also obviously very hard for the op. It’s not a competition.

NastyOldBag Thu 26-Mar-20 09:00:21

I know it’s not a competition. Which is why I said it’s shit for everyone.

Falangalangadingdang Thu 26-Mar-20 09:00:23

I don't imagine it's much fun for those shielding either being isolated away from anyone else in the house.

lubeybooby Thu 26-Mar-20 09:01:03

better than being asked to go out and fight in a war, or being a doctor or nurse on the front line right now having the trauma of people dying all around you, some that can't helped.

We have internet, skype, zoom, facetime, tinder plenty of ways to chat and make connections to tide you and anyone over, that anyone in punishment isolatyion would not have. A good time to put as much mindfulness into your day as you can, focusing on the good things and things you are grateful for (presumably you are grateful you don't have to watch anyone die, that's a pretty big one)

Crystal87 Thu 26-Mar-20 09:02:48

Can you not meet a friend for a walk? The rules are that no more than 2 people be out together in public, excluding those who live together. I took this to mean you can meet one person you don't live with.

Mistystar99 Thu 26-Mar-20 09:03:11

I always thought being in a happy relationship was best, being single second, and stuck in a shitty relationship third. So you have it second best. You like a professional complainer.

clareOclareO Thu 26-Mar-20 09:04:05

To be fair I think the isolation actually helps some people. The fact that I can't got out and socialize means I don't beat myself up over the fact I am not going out. Suddenly staying in and watching a movie or ten by myself isn't me being antisocial, it's me saving lives.

I've not been in prison so can't comment really on isolation there, but I've always thought that if I were inside I'd feel happier in a cell on my own than if I were sharing with people who, quite frankly, are probably a bunch of criminals.

Disposableplates Thu 26-Mar-20 09:06:03

@VirtualHugsAllRound it's horrible! I'm going on a three week basis, cant cope thinking further ahead than that.
Yes we have phones, whatsapp calls and house party apps. But the idea of not having proper human contact for a few months is a killer.
I totally understand nobody thinks of the single people, we will just be told if you weren't so fussy you wouldnt be in this situation, cause that is how it works...

NotEverythingIsBlackandwhite Thu 26-Mar-20 09:06:30

I'm sorry you are struggling with this.

Can you not Skype/facetime/video call friends and family to keep in touch with them? I know it isn't quite the same but it could make you feel less isolated.

What about your daily exercise period - would the rules allow you to do one walk each day where you meet up with one family member while doing it but keep to the 2 metres distancing rule while you walk and catch up together?

Just remember, this too shall pass. We'll look back in a couple of years time and say "Do you remember when...."

viques Thu 26-Mar-20 09:06:56

I think lying on an intensive care bed hooked up to an oxygen source is my idea of lonely isolation.

This situation is going to force people to dig deep into their own emotional resources and strengths, I think and hope many people will be surprised at how strong they can be.

Just don't get fixated on a Tom Hanks /Wilson object is my advice.

VirtualHugsAllRound Thu 26-Mar-20 09:07:08

NastyOldBag
I wish I had skills useful on the front line. I'd be an HCA if they'd have me... cos it doesn't matter if I get it and die.
I am more likely to die of suicide now though. I was near the edge anyway and coping by having nice times with friends.

Purple I've done loads of video calls already. it's just not the same though. Not just the lack of physical contact, but mainly other aspects - eg. meeting in a group is quite casual, seeing a few people at once, compared to a call where it's one-on-one and so more demanding of their time (and those whith children are obviously really busy right now). And phoing up for a conversation is not the same as just hanging out... just being around someone else.

Plus the stark reminder that I don't have my own family. That ultimately it doesn't matter if I die.

FuckOffCorona Thu 26-Mar-20 09:07:33

I’m so sorry. It’s incredibly difficult, and I think single people do deserve credit for bearing the brunt of this lockdown.

All I can suggest is that everyone tries to keep up contact online and by phone, but I know that isn’t an easy option for everyone.

I hope you’re ok. This is really brutal and difficult, and there’s no shame in recognising that.

Purplecatshopaholic Thu 26-Mar-20 09:08:19

I too am on my own op. My take on it is that this situation is shit for everyone, just in different ways. Many others have it far worse than I do, and I remember that.
I struggle with MH and am working hard to stay healthy by keeping in touch with family and friends remotely. If anything I am speaking to them more than normal. I am working from home but am situating myself in my front room rather than my home office, is it faces the front of the house so I get to see the occasional person walking past and I feel more connected.

azaleanth90 Thu 26-Mar-20 09:08:20

It's beyond shit. Could you possibly move in with a friend? If it's any comfort, I loathe living with my own family 24/7 and miss my single friends horribly. Do you have friends nearby, could you walk to their houses and shout at each other from the gate or whatever?

Duchessofblandings Thu 26-Mar-20 09:10:03

Yes you can do this because you have no choice. If you don’t, you may kill someone.

It’s hard for everyone.

AvoidingRealHumans Thu 26-Mar-20 09:11:21

It's not nice at all but it won't last forever. I had the realisation yesterday that I don't know the next time I will see another adult and have a conversation.
I have my 2 kids to keep me company but all they like talking about is fortnite and other shit hmm
I'm stressed about it all and have just been laid off work and waiting to hear about the 80% wages thing.
I am trying to think of the positives, we have our health and a roof over our heads, all this will pass and I think we will all have a new outlook on life. It's made me realise how much I go out and buy stuff and do stuff unnecessarily. I will definitely not be wasting money as I once did.
This isn't personal to any of us, everyone is in the same boat. Just take each day at a time.

InTheSummerhouse Thu 26-Mar-20 09:11:39

Do not be ridiculous. It is terrible for a lot of people.

Try being elderly, ill and reliant on carers - who don't come. Try being the mother to a disabled or autistic child and unable to go out. Try being the sole carer for your demented father who does not understand why he cannot go out and has to be told again every five minutes; or the wife of an abusive , bullying partner; or the mother of a young NHS front line doctor - or indeed a frontline worker yourself.

Please get some perspective. I would much rather be single than any of the above. Maybe think about what you can do to help others instead.

userxx Thu 26-Mar-20 09:11:39

@NastyOldBag That was uncalled for.

Op have you got any friends in the same situation you can go and stay with?

Wineislifex Thu 26-Mar-20 09:14:31

I think you just have to think of the bigger picture.

You are literally been asked to stay indoors for a while, it’s not the end of the world, you’re not going to work for the nhs risking your health, having to face horrendous moral dilemmas daily, comforting distraught relatives, telling people their life saving surgery is cancelled etc you just have to stay at home, that’s it

I get it must be boring but there’s plenty things you can do to fill your time, all this woe is me attitude wont do your mental health any good, find pleasure in the little things and be thankful for what you have got not what you haven’t

eaglejulesk Thu 26-Mar-20 09:14:56

I'm single and I'm more than happy to be here alone. We are all different - I think I would go mad shut at home with someone else!

We just have to deal with it, and we are lucky to live in a time when it is easy to stay in touch with others. It's not forever, you just need to be resilient - there are much worse things in life you could have to deal with.

fairislecable Thu 26-Mar-20 09:15:41

It is a difficult time but your solitary state is infinitely better than the people who are trapped in their homes with abusive partners.

Yes you are lonely but this WILL end and whatever is your normal will return but in the meantime you are not being tormented or battered.

Sometimes silence is golden.

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