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to walk away from a crying 6 year old because 'I can't do it'

(14 Posts)
Twiglett Mon 10-Sep-07 12:57:57

he wants to make a sword out of paper
I suggested cardboard - he said ok

I said draw the picture of it then cut it out and drew one for his sister and cut it out

I offered to draw one for him - he refused

he started drawing squiggly complicated patterns then moaning -

I suggested he drew a simple shape LIKE HIS SISTER'S on a piece of paper then cut it out and showed him the type of shape

he drew another squiggle .. started whingy crying 'I can't do it' .. I said of course you can, you can do anything if you think about it

he cried again (no tears) and said 'I can't do it'

so I just said 'then don't' and walked away

Twiglett Mon 10-Sep-07 12:59:40

now he's crying in front of me and asking for more cardboard when he knows there isn't any

I can't stand this 'I can't do it' frame of mind

am I doing the right thing making him work it out for himself .. he's year 2 fgs .. its not feckin' rocket science

evilreturns Mon 10-Sep-07 13:03:32

no - you are doing the right thing - ds wouldn't do ANYTHING for himself if i didn't "make" him and he is 8. he always moans "i can't DO it" and makes a half-arsed attempt, but does it eventually when he realises the only fun he is spoiling is his own .

be strong grin

Blu Mon 10-Sep-07 13:04:23

mmm. We have a lot of this. Very very ambitious plans...followed, predicatably, by tears, doom, frustration and 'I can't do it'. Along with all that crossing out and rubbing out and giving up in frustration when trying to write or draw cards for people, etc.

I think it's a phase, when they are trapped in between a fixation on grand designs and capability. When I work with actors it's very much like the phase when they are almost 'off the book' but still struggling for words. Very creative the week while still 'on the book' but knowing it through and through, but hopeless, frustrated and unproductive in the first week struggling to remember lines.

Unpressred background support is the only way.

slim22 Mon 10-Sep-07 13:05:07

chill twiglet!
make an extra special one for him today and let him decorate it.

AbRoller Mon 10-Sep-07 13:08:18

oh I still have this with dd. It drives me bonkers. I have tried so much to be positive "of course you can, you can do anything you put your mind to" but there's only so much of the defeatist I can take. She will have to learn patience and perseverance (sp?). She started saying she was stupid when she couldn't do something after only trying once - that was hard because I was caught between assuring her she was not stupid (a word I hate) and loosing my mind because of her lack of effort to do anything.

I'm afraid I have no advice as I have walked away too. You're not alone though grin

throckenholt Mon 10-Sep-07 13:08:32

no school today ?

I would say - I have explained what to do, I am sure you could do it if you really tried, if you choose not to that is ok. I am not going to do it for you.

And then add - I don't want to hear "I can't".

Probably followed by major tantrum from my 6 year old grin.

evilreturns Mon 10-Sep-07 13:12:50

oh yes = variations on throckenholt's encouraging speech help (they help you feel less guilty when child still throws a tantrum anyway!)grin

meandmy Mon 10-Sep-07 13:16:07

you did the best thing for both of you!

Twiglett Mon 10-Sep-07 13:25:41

inset day

he has sword now .. he worked it out and then asked for help when it was too tough to cut in part

he's such a PITA

throckenholt Mon 10-Sep-07 13:27:41

he is 6 - it is a phase <I hope>.

We have an inset day on the 28th - I shall not mention swords at all.

MrsMarvel Mon 10-Sep-07 13:33:34

Try thinking of your first driving lesson. What did you want the instructor to do?

Doodledootoo Mon 10-Sep-07 13:33:57

Message withdrawn

Budababe Mon 10-Sep-07 13:35:33

He's 6 - therefore he is (at times) a PITA. Ideas beyond their capabilities!

We have an inset day on 28th too. And a children's inset day on 27th. Caused great consternation till we were told it just meant that the person doing things with teachers on their inset day will do things with children on THEIR inset day!

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