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To expect MIL to ASK me before taking my new baby out for a walk?

(66 Posts)
ChubbyScotsBurd Mon 10-Sep-07 12:29:28

OK, maybe IABU because MIL (who bought us an all-singing-and-dancing pram despite being told my Mum was going to get us one) has been staying this week and has been helpful because LO has been really colicky and it would have been tough had I been on my own. BUT the other day she said 'right, I'm going to the shops' and put my 7 week old baby in what she evidently views as HER pram and then left! He's never been away from me before, except with his dad. And he was crying when she got back (an hour later, I was almost in tears too by this point) and apparently had cried most of the time she was out. I'm not into leaving newborn babies to cry for any length of time so this upset me a lot.

Today I'm waiting for a workman to arrive so as soon as LO had finished his feed she said she was off out again and took him with her, knowing I couldn't come. I don't want bad feeling and she's very sensible and she's been a real help and she's also going home tomorrow [yay] so I won't say anything but I just needed a rant because if she'd just asked I'd have felt so much better. Hate that someone's strutting round with my baby as if he belongs to her, and I feel all possessive and maternal and stuff. I guess I just needed an unreasonable rant. Grrr.

She's just called to say she's bringing lunch back, god I'm such a bitch. sad

iCod Mon 10-Sep-07 12:29:50

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GoodGollyMissMolly Mon 10-Sep-07 12:34:19

Rant away smile

Nip Mon 10-Sep-07 12:34:19

Your MIL is just trying to help. If you dont want her to take DC out - then talk to her and tell her - but in the long run you'll be grateful of this. wink

cba Mon 10-Sep-07 12:34:55

no you are not being a cow face. You are feeling emotional and protective.

as you said mil just trying to help, she goes home tomorrow just grin and bear it.

my mil dosent do anything so encourage and enjoy believe me you will be thankful in time to come.

Saturn74 Mon 10-Sep-07 12:36:10

Thank her kindly for her help.
Send her home.
Flog the pram on ebay.
Spend the money on vodka.
All will be well.

FirstAtForty Mon 10-Sep-07 12:36:52

My MIL wouldn't presume to so much as change DD's socks without consulting me first if I was there (I've been quite lucky in the MIL stakes I think!).

That's as it should be IMO, especially with a very young baby.

newgirl Mon 10-Sep-07 12:37:03

she is trying to be helpful

you are exhausted and hormonal

def cut her some slack as she is doing what she thinks is giving you a break

you could say 'i need to go out' next time, and ask her to stay in for workman or whatever next time

mawbroon Mon 10-Sep-07 12:38:05

ChubbyScotsBurd - I would have felt exactly the same as you, so I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. I could hardly bear to be in a different room from ds when he was that tiny.

However, your MIL probably thinks that she's doing you a favour by taking your ds out and giving you a break, so you need to either let her get on with it or talk to her about it. She's not a mind reader.

And I don't think you are "being a cow face"

ChubbyScotsBurd Mon 10-Sep-07 12:38:14

I don't even mind her taking him, I just don't like that I don't get consulted. Same as when her sister comes to visit she offers him round her family to hold and stuff and tells them what he's been up to and everything as if she popped him out herself and I just get to make the tea and offer the biscuits round with a 'I've had 4 hours sleep in 30 minute chunks' smile plastered on my face. As for referring to him as "my little boy" ALL THE TIME, oooooh angry

IABU, I know, I know. Sometimes I just feel like shouting "He's MY baby, remember, NOT YOURS!". *unreasonable sigh*

LazyLinePainterJane Mon 10-Sep-07 12:39:39

It is unfair of you to say that she sees the pram as hers. That is clearly what YOU think is the case, don't give her evil intentions that don't seem to be there.

Your emotions are clearly running high, just relax and be grateful for her help. There are plenty of MILs who would be sitting on their bums asking for cups of tea!

ChubbyScotsBurd Mon 10-Sep-07 12:39:52

Can I just add that my own Mum wouldn't do anything without asking me, and anything she did do would be done MY way. She only offers advice when asked, and fully expects it to be ignored anyway. SO with a saintly mum I know I'm being horrid about MIL.

[slaps own wrist]

fransmom Mon 10-Sep-07 12:40:38

i can understand that your mil is trying to help BUT she should've asked you first. i used to hate even dp taking dd out without letting me know because i was protective of my new baby. however, things did change because we had a chat and sorted that out before it happened again.

maybe if you need to have workmen round again, your mil could do you a huge favour and stay in for you whilst you tkae your baby for a walk? i hope you manage to et things sorted out ((((((((((((((csb )))))))))))))))))

ScottishMummy Mon 10-Sep-07 12:40:39

awww easse up on ChubbyScotsBurd - hormones hormones hormones goin mental and a MIL sticking her neb in too. Gawd i would rant too what a pain in da ass

but yeah flog the pram once she goes tell her someone knicked it(what brand is it)

fransmom Mon 10-Sep-07 12:42:13

i had a similar porb with an ex friend who used to call my dd her little princess knowing full well that it upset me especially when i had pnd so i do understand how you are feeling. yanbu, just a protective mother smile

ScottishMummy Mon 10-Sep-07 12:45:20

Eugh creepy calling your bubba her little princess - uncalled for all round weird

fransmom Mon 10-Sep-07 12:46:00

i soon had words believe me!

FluffyMummy123 Mon 10-Sep-07 12:47:31

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fransmom Mon 10-Sep-07 12:48:19

she did that too cod

littleducks Mon 10-Sep-07 12:48:23

Honestly, i can see both sides....

she is just trying to help and obviously feels close enough to you to just step in and help rather than hover about.

i think the pram is a side issue, where she prob was a tad unreasonable

i do understand that you are feeling emotional, and very much that it is YOUR baby atm. that is normal

as for the crying, maybe you will have a better experience but ime, newborn babies do cry sometimes and you have to push them around hoping they stop, as nothing seems to help. In particular i remember some awful car journeys with dd screaming, us stopping getting her out and her starting again, eventually i learnt to breastfeed to comfort her with her tied in car seat but not til she was bigger and could latch on easily. your mil probably is more accepting of a colicky crying.

ScottishMummy Mon 10-Sep-07 12:50:16

o the bubba word causing consternation again i see

FluffyMummy123 Mon 10-Sep-07 12:50:27

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ScottishMummy Mon 10-Sep-07 12:52:18

LOL have a word with yourself bubba

can think of worse MN and colloqualisms to call rough - so nope bubba stays

harpsichordcarrier Mon 10-Sep-07 12:52:50

so, your MIL has been staying giving up her time to help you at a very difficult time. she has been very helpful, you say. she has bought you a very expensive pram. she has taken the (colicky) crying baby out for a walk (she didn't leave the baby to cry by the way, she was walking with him).
and her thanks for all this kindness is that she is accused of "strutting around" shock
how unfair and unkind of you.
when someone is giving up their time to help you, it is reasonable to expect a little compromise surely? I would be pretty profuse in my thanks when she leaves tomorrow if I were you.

fransmom Mon 10-Sep-07 12:53:52

leave her alone

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