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to expect for my girls to be treated the same as my sisters...

(14 Posts)
pinkdolly Fri 07-Sep-07 18:57:04

i live in the same town as my mum and dad. my sis lives a couple of miles away. her oldest dd is the oldest of 7 grandchildren. but sometimes you'd think she was the only one.
my mum and dad treat her so diffently to all the others. she stays over every weekend, she gets taken everywhere, meals out, days out. my parents pay for an awful lot of stuff for her, even her school stuff.
my dad dotes on her and everything that she wants she gets.
my girls are getting older now and starting to see that she gets treated differently and i feel so sad for them.
this week, for instance my mum promised to have my girls over twice to stay. the first night she said she was shattered and could she have the them the next. so i packed all their stuff for them the next day and she didn't want them then either. so i said why dont you wait and have them on friday. well, today she came home with my sis daughter again.
so my girls have lost out again.
she says she will have them again. but i really dont know if i want to bother with it anymore.

all i wanted was for the same treatment for my girls. but because my sis dd thinks she has to be everywhere and do everything, my girls get pushed aside.

i'm sorry for sounding so ranty, i just despise favouritism. i really dont think it's fair to be brought up thinking your not as good or as special as everyone else.

NineUnlikelyTales Fri 07-Sep-07 19:08:07

I think your DD sound fortunate to have a caring mum who spends time with them and doesn't palm them off on their grandma at every opportunity. It sounds like their cousin is having to settle for her grandma when really I am sure she would prefer her mum.

Your mum is behaving badly by the sound of it, but maybe she is genuinely shattered from having to be a second mother to your niece. I imagine she is the one who feels she is not as good or as special. It might be worth explaining that to your DD if they get upset.

michie40 Fri 07-Sep-07 19:12:03

Have you spoken to your Mum & Dad about this? They may not realise what they are doing or how it appears to others. Did they treat you and your sister differently. I am the oldest and my younger sister always felt we were treated differently.

pinkdolly Fri 07-Sep-07 19:26:00


yes i spoke to my mum about this for the first time a few weeks ago. at which point she asked to have my girls stay for the night. guilt i think. however, when it came down to it i was really dissapointed as my sisters girls had to be there to. she is very demanding of attention and very bossy. i was expecting for my girls to have some quality time with my parents without her, but they couldn't do it in the end.

i cant really say alot about the bond between my neice and my sis. except that i do think they both struggle to get on with each other. my niece is 8 and has spent so much time being spoilt be my parents that she doesn't have much respect for my sis.

pinkdolly Fri 07-Sep-07 19:26:33

sorry that should have been sister's girl, not plural

evenhope Fri 07-Sep-07 19:39:50

Is she an only? We had a similar problem with an aunt who would happily babysit the 2 children of a friend but refused to have any of our 4.

My own grandparents and another aunt had nothing to do with me or my brother who lived near them, but would regularly travel hundreds of miles to see our cousin. It isn't very nice but there is nothing you can do.

tribpot Fri 07-Sep-07 19:43:10

I have to agree with others, that although this is annoying for you, your poor dniece is the one suffering by this, in that her parents can't really be arsed taking care of her. Whereas you can. Ultimately it will all come out in the wash, and you are doing the right thing.

3andnomore Fri 07-Sep-07 19:44:12

I can understand your feelings....however, for some reason teh first ever grandchild seems often to be the most special oners to es was my mums first ever grandchild, my sister hasn't got any children and well, the only other grandkids she has is my younger 2 sons....and my es is most certainly extra special to her.
To my FIL my es was also the first blood related grandchild, and I know he is very special to him, too...although, he does not differentiate between my MIL my es came many years after her own daughters children along, and she has a very special relationship to one of her daughters children, however, again my es, out of my 3 is the one who seems to be the most precious to her...and she does show it...however, sometimes I think it is maybe due to the age difference....because my es is a fair bit older then his younger siblings, and therefore out of the age where he is to difficult for others to handle....unlike my pre schoolers, lol....

however, it is out of order for your mum to break her promise...does not set a great example and will lead, possibly, to your girls feeling rejected...which would be a shame....

Is it that they choose to spend so much time with your sisters eldest or is she being pushed onto them a bit?

pyjamagirl Fri 07-Sep-07 19:45:40

YANBU I am having similar problems with MIL it all belw up this wek when she totalli ignored both my DD's birthdays I mena no gifts ,cards or a call to say HB whereas she lavishes attention on her other grandchild
dp had a row on the phone with her and acused her of favourtism <sp>
she did say she was coming to see our DC today s far she has been nowhere near x

pinkdolly Fri 07-Sep-07 19:55:11

no she is not a only child. my sis has 2 more aged nearly 5 and 8 months. my sis is also annoyed as her dd2 doesn't get treated the same as her dd1.

i think the problem stems from the fact that my sis left her not so dh when dd1 was just 6 weeks old. due to him being a lazy good for nothing. anyway she moved in with my parents and stayed there till her dd1 was about 3. so her dd was used to being spoilt by my mum and dad. my dd1 didnt come along until my niece was 3 and 1/2. so she'd had that much time of being the only grandchild.

my neice has seen a few different men come in and out of my sis life. resulting in her 2 sister's. non of these men stayed and i think she sees my dad as her father figure. being the only stable man in her life.

my parents definately treat her more of a daughter then a grand daughter.

i do wander whether i am being unreasonable at times, my girls have a stable family life that she doesn't have.

pinkdolly Fri 07-Sep-07 19:56:39

pyjamagirl- my mil is also like that, completly ignores my girls birthdays and then spends tons getting her house done up when it doesnt need it. but thats another story, dont get me started on that one...

pinkdolly Fri 07-Sep-07 19:58:09

i also feel sometimes that my parents do feel that they have to have my niece. just because they've done it for so long that they dont want to let her down by not having her.

pyjamagirl Fri 07-Sep-07 21:00:29

I cant even talk about my MIL it hurts my head to go into deatail al the awful things she has done and said
Dp is coming close to completley cutting her off but it's his decision not one i can make for him

PTA Fri 07-Sep-07 21:36:54

Pinkdolly, I though you were right when I read your first post, your m & d were not being at all fair, however, having seen all the circumstances, perhaps they need some help with your neice? It won't do her any good in the long term if she has no respect for her own mother and is demanding and bossy. Not sure what help would be available, perhaps other members of the family to share the care of your neice so that your m&d can spend more time with their other g/children including your neice's siblings. Are they treated in the same way as your children?

pyjamagirl, we could have a contest on rotten MIL's! wink I could write a book on mine but it would have to be classed as fiction as no-one would ever believe the rotten, stupid, insensitive things she and my FIL have done!

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