Friend irritating about baby name

(200 Posts)
Nottodaysatan0 Tue 10-Mar-20 09:10:40

Posted a while back that one of my friends had chosen the same name as me after I had mentioned it as being my top choice.
It’s a fairly common name so I said to her that I wouldn’t mind at all if she used it too as I’m not going to be petty about a baby name I have no rights to. Her response to that was that she doesn’t want to look like she copied me and I should think of something else!

At least once a week for the last six weeks or so and every single time I see her in person she has made comments like the name goes with her other children’s names but doesn’t match my child’s name so I should really look for something else etc etc followed by screenshots of lists of baby names online. then last night she messaged me to say “have you found a new name yet?” This pissed me off to be honest as it was basically her saying “I’m using the name so find something else” so I just firmly said I’ve chosen the name I picked to begin with and that’s that, she was welcome to use it but if she didn’t want to have the same name then she should choose something else. I then changed the subject and asked for an item of makeup back that she had borrowed a few weeks ago (not to be petty but because I genuinely needed it back) and she said her husband would drop it round in a couple of days - I thought this was pretty bitchy too as usually she would say yeah pop round for a cuppa etc
I’ve been decided on this name for two months, we have been calling the baby by the name and all of our family have too. I even have a blanket with the name on it for gods sake.

This friend seems to be the type to always get what they want and seems to think I’m going to just choose another name so she can have this one even though I had said i wanted the name before her (I’m due two months before her!).

What would anyone else do? She’s just not getting the message. And to be honest I don’t think our friendship will be the same after this purely due to the way she’s behaved about it - like a child!

OP’s posts: |
Nomel Tue 10-Mar-20 09:13:38

I’d just say look first come first served

NeverGotMyPuppy Tue 10-Mar-20 09:17:45

You just need to tell her to stop.

'I will call my baby what I like. This is not ok and if you carry on I think I will need to end our friendship'.

She sounds batshit.

LolaSmiles Tue 10-Mar-20 09:18:19

YANBU Nobody owns a name. You know this and are reasonable. If she chooses to ask like a spoilt child then that's up to her.

LochJessMonster Tue 10-Mar-20 09:19:59

Who is due first?

Either way, use the name, lose the friend

namechangedforthis1122 Tue 10-Mar-20 09:20:18

Omg absolutely call your baby the name you want! She is panicking because you are due first. If she doesn't want your babies to have the same name then she can choose a different one

puds11 Tue 10-Mar-20 09:22:00

She’s trying to stop you because she will look like she’s copied you. If she likes the name enough it shouldn’t matter.

Wubbawubba Tue 10-Mar-20 09:23:34

Use the name. Tell your circle of friends and put it on all of your social media. Also use the name as the baby's middle name, too.

Not that I'm petty.

Lazydaisydaydream Tue 10-Mar-20 09:24:10

If you're due before her then just go ahead and use the name and then she'll finally realise she can't just push you around.

mycatsmellsbad Tue 10-Mar-20 09:24:45

I don’t think you should say to her ‘you’re welcome to use it’ as if you’re somehow giving her permission. She can call her baby what she likes as can you. I would just say call your baby what you like but I’m calling mine xyz.

username1724 Tue 10-Mar-20 09:25:41

She sounds very entitled and self centred. If she wants to get upset about it it's simply HER problem, not yours.

EL8888 Tue 10-Mar-20 09:25:44

Total CF behaviour by her. If she is used to always getting her own way then tough. She won’t with this!

pipsqueak77 Tue 10-Mar-20 09:27:42

You are most definitely not being unreasonable! Your “friend” sounds like she’s badgering you to the point of mild harassment! Keep your chosen baby name and cut her loose... doesn’t sound like the kind of mate you need...? Is this out of character for her (is she mega stressed about something and acting out)? If it’s inline with previous behaviour I’d start putting a bit of (quite a lot of) distance between you..(!!) xx

NorthEndGal Tue 10-Mar-20 09:27:51

There is nothing else you need to do, you've said where you stand.
If she brings it up again, just say, we've talked about this, I'm decided.

OrganicSmorganic Tue 10-Mar-20 09:30:02

I’d lose her as a friend to be honest and call your baby whatever it is you like.

I can’t stand cheeky, entitled behaviour and bitchiness so I’d rather not have her as a friend.

FizzyGreenWater Tue 10-Mar-20 09:30:09

She’s just not getting the message.

No. But there's nothing you can do about that, it's a big old case of tough shit. She thinks if she keeps bullying, you'll cave. She's gonna be one unhappy lady the day after you give birth (by the way, I'd definitely block her or screen her calls/messages around then!)

And to be honest I don’t think our friendship will be the same after this purely due to the way she’s behaved about it - like a child! No it won't - but by then, you won't want it to.

dottiedodah Tue 10-Mar-20 09:31:18

Just say to her thats the name you have chosen and had in mind for several months now .Tough Shit if she doesnt like it ! Not your problem .I would cultivate your other friends for now. We didnt tell anyone of our second DC choice of names until they were born !

Sypha Tue 10-Mar-20 09:31:27

Don’t engage. Blank the whole issue, you don’t need this childish crap.
“Have you chosen a new name yet?”
“Haha. Can you bob that eyebrow pencil back, I need it tomorrow.”

SleepingStandingUp Tue 10-Mar-20 09:34:36

Agree with Sypha. Literally don't discuss it. Every tike she mentions it change the subject. If she pushes it say you live discussed it all you're going to.

How far are you both?

Will either of you use a diminutive?

GinAndNightnurse Tue 10-Mar-20 09:36:54

Posted a while back that one of my friends had chosen the same name as me after I had mentioned it as being my top choice.

Did she immediately say ‘Oh no! That’s what we’ve picked! Did you know she really liked the name when you announced it was your first choice? Is she due before or after you?

I think if deep down you knew she already wanted it then YAB a bit U but I accept that no one has exclusive rights to a name, especially not an already common one.

If you had no idea then she’s being ridiculous. In the end this comes down to which one of you gives birth first and how much she cares. If she cares that much she’ll change her choice. That’s what I would do, regardless of who mentioned the name first.

DesLynamsMoustache Tue 10-Mar-20 09:38:11

Well your baby will most likely arrive first anyway so it's tough shit for her. If she doesn't want it to look like she copied you maybe she shouldn't, you know, copy you. Your latest message was pretty clear so I don't think you need to say anything else. If she keeps going on about it I'd just stop talking to her!

Snaketime Tue 10-Mar-20 09:38:12

End the friendship, then it wont matter if you both use the name, she is batshit.

starlight86 Tue 10-Mar-20 09:38:21

She sounds like a pain in the arse tbh

I think its very rude of her to suggest you change your name after she knew it was the name you were choosing.

I would just say listen, thats the name we are choosing so stop going on about it!

Out of interest whos due first?

shinyredbus Tue 10-Mar-20 09:38:46

So your giving birth first? Use the name - you chose it. Let her use it - and then watch her tell everyone ‘she’ told you the name first and you copied her. Lose the friend. She sounds strange.

Teenagemaw Tue 10-Mar-20 09:39:39

It won’t matter if your children have the same name as tbh I cannot see your friendship lasting if she is so bonkers around the name. Next it will be what pram, what baby group who’s kid is better at what...

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