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AIBU to think parents in separate rooms isn’t that bad...

(53 Posts)
LoopyLou1981 Sat 29-Feb-20 00:22:33

My dh snores like a water hog. For many years we’d cuddle up romantically then I’d scoot of to a sofa, spare etc when the noise got too bad.
Once we had children, I’d take them into the spare room so that we’d all get some sleep. This has never stopped despite the kids being in their own rooms.
AIBU to want keep my ‘own’ bed so that I can get some sleep?

katy1213 Sat 29-Feb-20 00:28:56

No way would I ever share a bedroom again - fine when you're both young but once the snoring sets in, no thanks! Why shouldn't you have your own room? With a decent bed - not a 'spare' bed - and properly decorated as you'd like it - not pretending that it's some temporary measure. Actually, I'd give the snorer the spare room and keep the bigger room; but make sure he knows he's welcome back by invitation only.

katy1213 Sat 29-Feb-20 00:30:33

Looking at the time, I guess the waterhog is going full blast right now?

DingoDing Sat 29-Feb-20 00:32:09

YANBU we do the same and for the same reason.
DC have experience of trying to sleep in the same room as DH when we are camping or in a family room and would never suffer his snoring if they didn't have to so they can see why I feel the same.

LoopyLou1981 Sat 29-Feb-20 00:35:44

Oh the noise! We’ve had this arrangement for ages and it works fine with me but every so often I’m ‘unreasonable’ for not wanting to lay awake until the noise subsides at bit

bringincrazyback Sat 29-Feb-20 00:36:33

YANBU! I'm typing this just after DH has gone to bed in another room, I have a sleep disorder that keeps me awake until the early hours and he snores fit to wake the dead so we rarely share a bed. TBH I think it only works if both people have similar sleep cycles.

HollowLegss Sat 29-Feb-20 00:38:21

Why do you have to be the one to end up on the sofa or the spare room?

My husband is the one who gets booted in the middle of the night to the spare room considering he's the one who can't be bothered to lose a bit of weight to help.

Thinkingabout1t Sat 29-Feb-20 01:06:17

Has he been to a doctor about the snoring, OP? He could get treatment. Snoring can be a sign of breathing problems, so it should be checked out.

BoomBoomsCousin Sat 29-Feb-20 01:07:29

You used to move you and the children into another room instead of kicking him out? That's the only unreasonable bit I can find in your post!

AcrossthePond55 Sat 29-Feb-20 01:14:01

CPAP saved my marriage. Has your DH ever been screened for sleep apnoea?

Of course, there's nothing wrong with wanting a bed to yourself, snoring or not!

x2boys Sat 29-Feb-20 01:38:25

I have never been able to.sleep.with dh as in share a bed ,I snore ,he snores we keep.each other awake .

Vedaisawesome Sat 29-Feb-20 01:40:21

Don't go to the spare room. That name just makes it feel as if you are second best/ putting up with it . Make it your own proper bedroom. DH and I have our own rooms. Have had this arrangement now for about 5 years due to his snoring and me needing to stretch out due to arthritis. There's nothing odd about it. People aren't designed to co-sleep all the time. You'll have a much happier life once you are ensconced in your own personal room and he in his.

user1493413286 Sat 29-Feb-20 01:56:18

Me and DH share a bed but due to differing routines of me going to bed much earlier than him, him getting up earlier and on weekends our DC joining us in the morning I’d say that sharing a bed adds very little/not sharing a bed would take very little away. We have plenty of intimacy through different ways

Morporkia Sat 29-Feb-20 01:59:43

My DH has been ill since before Xmas and I had been sleeping in sofa. Bless him he arranged for a new bed to be delivered and for my son to freshen up our spare room. It’s cozy and warm and I’m not disturbing him and vice versa. When he recovers (probably around April/May) I will go back to our bed, but for now I’m loving MY bed, just missing the cuddles 😞

thatsamazing Sat 29-Feb-20 02:34:20

@bringincrazyback can I ask what kind of sleep disorder? Curious coz I've never been able to get to sleep before the early hours, just think of myself as a night owl

Fluffybutter Sat 29-Feb-20 02:39:35

I’d do anything to get some sleep right now and it’s not even dh causing it!
I’m wide awake and it’s really pissing me off

JudyCoolibar Sat 29-Feb-20 03:13:37

Water hog???

LoveIsLovely Sat 29-Feb-20 03:16:05

As long as the children see you being affectionate in other ways, I think it's fine. My husband is a fidgeter rather than a snorer and it does my head in so we'll often sleep separately and it doesn't bother either of us.

ButtonandPickle19 Sat 29-Feb-20 03:18:22

Yanbu but it is a little sad. Maybe just me but I love to sleep next to DH and find it comforting/loving. But if it keeps you awake then I understand. Perhaps he should see someone

Booberella9 Sat 29-Feb-20 03:28:48

He is the one with the problem, he should decamp. Can't believe you took your babies out as well! He sounds selfish

IvinghoeBeacon Sat 29-Feb-20 03:29:39

“A little sad” <eyeroll>

We have had periods of sleeping together and periods of sleeping apart (where another bed is available) over the course of our relationship. Currently apart because I have terrible insomnia when pregnant. I expect that to continue to an extent as long as we have small children who wake at night and we need to be flexible about who sleeps where. We do under normal circumstances sleep well together so I am sure we will end up spending most nights in the same bed again in different stages of our lives, but I’ve never really seen it as something that has an impact on my children one way or another.

SongBirdsKeepSinging Sat 29-Feb-20 03:31:07

I am the snore monster in our house. I thought dh was exaggerating how badly I snore so I downloaded an app to monitor it and I no longer blame him for wanting to kill me. I have no idea what to do about it though. Dh also snores but he's no where near as loud as I am. I'm so embarrassed about it and self conscious

Shockers Sat 29-Feb-20 03:42:35

I’m in a king size bed with the cat; DH is in the very pretty room which used to be my DD’s, in a Laura Ashley daybed. This is supposed to be whilst I recover from surgery, but he reckons he’s not coming back because I moan at him for snoring. Oh well... grin.

Sobeyondthehills Sat 29-Feb-20 04:11:28


I love sleeping with DP, however due to my sleep patterns we rarely sleep together.

This is has worked for us having a bedwetter, at 3am you can get child clean and into different bed, get sheets off turn mattress, try and clean as best you can, then just think what is the fucking point of sleep.

Colouringaddict Sat 29-Feb-20 04:15:26

I am currently on the sofa due to his very extreme snoring. He has to be at work tomorrow in a job where if he makes a mistake someone could be fatally injured. This has been getting progressively worse since Christmas, he is having a stent fitted on Weds so once he has recovered from that he needs to sort this issue,
.Honestly I am so exhausted by it, and as much as I know he really can’t help it, it’s really frustrating for me. It’s like he’s the only one sleeping and making the noise is bragging. We have tried all the over the counter remedies, including those with a money back guarantee, and guess what? We got our money back!
Even lying downstairs on our 2 seater couch, ( good job I am short!) I can still hear him. In our last house, the neighbours complained. He is perfect in every other way, but this is really starting to get to me now!

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