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Grabby Go Fund Me ??

(99 Posts)
BrokenMumTeenDD Thu 27-Feb-20 13:26:33

I'm questioning myself over this as old friend is newly diagnosed with terminal cancer & I am gutted & do have every symptom for them, but finding myself surprising peed off at what feels like a very grabby go fund me, with a very large target amount. Friend did sort of reinvent them self some years back as a sort of guru, hilarious to those of us who know them of old & I'm not sure if it's that aspect of it that is bugging me, or friend repeatedly sharing the GF themselves with sob stories of what they are going through.

I'm not against GF, we've raised money to help out another friend who lost a leg that way, but it was a much smaller target amount with goal to buy him an electric trike, which happened with a bit to spare.

I was going to donate to friend, but felt uncomfortable as the target put me off as grabby. Then I had a word with myself & was going to donate thinking the money was to help them out with housing etc as that's an issue for them after a relationship breakdown too. Though they've now shared shopping trips where they are spending the money to upgrade to expensive laptops etc as 'they are going to be spending a lot of time indoors" okay, their choice, but I know many people in a similar, but not terminal situation, myself included, but would never dream of asking others to pay for equipment upgrades. I feel really mean thinking that way though when they have jade the worst possible year so far topped off with a nasty diagnosis

AIBU

malificent7 Thu 27-Feb-20 13:29:18

So don't donate if you don't want to.....if someone i knew had a terminal illness i wouldn't begrudge them on having a good time during their decline...

malificent7 Thu 27-Feb-20 13:30:00

And also...are you sure this is a true friend.?..you sure sound bitter.

BrokenMumTeenDD Thu 27-Feb-20 13:37:55

Not bitter at all Mali we also lost a very close friend to this same cancer last year. She lived with it for 20 years. Everyone of course rallied round for her, but she never asked for anything, far from it, same with friend who lost his leg, he never asked himself. I cant imagine asking for myself either. I'm not sure if it's this bit I struggling with or their guru status & donations made by many on the back of that, if that makes sense.

They've raised a lot in only 2 days, so I don't doubt they'd meet the target & wont miss my donation, which I won't be giving as it doesn't feel right to me

CassidyStone Thu 27-Feb-20 13:39:23

I generally don't like Go Fund Me, I've seen them for weddings, for holidays, for house deposits, and I've always thought that it's simply a new and effective form of begging for some people.

However, if this friend has a life-limiting illness, I wouldn't begrudge him a few quid to upgrade his laptop.

When you say it's a grabby amount, is he expecting donations of thousands?

Ot do you think he's faking how unwell he is to maximise donations?

TheYearOfTheDog Thu 27-Feb-20 13:40:11

Is it for treatment not available in the uk?
I wouldnt donate if it didnt feel right.

nokidshere Thu 27-Feb-20 13:40:37

No one is being forced to give, it's a choice. Don't like it? Don't do it.

iMoan7 Thu 27-Feb-20 13:41:34

Nah I’m with you, OP.

BlackCatSleeping Thu 27-Feb-20 13:42:10

Newsflash: All GoFundMe pages are grabby. That's pretty much the point.

A guy I knew set one up as he was having immigration issues with his family and needed a new car. I didn't donate and he only reached about 1/5 of his target. He seemed very bitter about the lack of donations. Donate or don't donate. It's up to you. I do donate to a few smaller grassroots causes that I am interested in. I have never donated to a GoFundMe.

KC225 Thu 27-Feb-20 13:43:26

Is it your friend who posted the 'go fund me' or was it someone on her behalf?

BrokenMumTeenDD Thu 27-Feb-20 13:43:30

Tens of thousands Cassidy

& I don't begrudge him the upgrade at all, or any of it, but it doesn't mean to say I have to feel comfortable with the begging nature of it & the big repeated push of the GF page & asking others to share it too

Kirksutherland Thu 27-Feb-20 13:43:50

How much they are looking for and what are they looking to buy?

motherheroic Thu 27-Feb-20 13:44:43

Don't donate then. Problem solved.

rainbow1982 Thu 27-Feb-20 13:45:48

How much are they asking for? I'm too curious not to ask!! Seems a bit cheeky to me, I'm with you

TheresTheFlyingFuckIDontGive Thu 27-Feb-20 13:49:01

Is his name Simon?

BrokenMumTeenDD Thu 27-Feb-20 13:49:48

Low tens of thousands. Money asked to help with housing etc. They will be rehoused in a more suitable place because of their health problems now anyway, which I had discussed with them prior to the GF page.

I feel weirdly guilty talking to them & not donating, but it's the largest GF I've every seen for this sort of thingconfused

LoveIsLovely Thu 27-Feb-20 13:50:23

Just don't donate.

You don't sound like you like this person very much anyway.

BritneyPeedOnALadybug Thu 27-Feb-20 13:50:25

Question: Does GoFundMe have a time limit and when that time is up you receive any money raised or do you only receive it if the target is reached (sorry I know this doesn’t answer your question, it’s just something I’ve wondered and saw the opportunity in this thread to ask). FWIW I don’t think you’re being unreasonable, I just wouldn’t donate if I thought someone was being grabby

BrokenMumTeenDD Thu 27-Feb-20 13:50:24

No, nit Simon, but too outing to say even if it was

Honkingallthewaytothebank Thu 27-Feb-20 13:50:26

But what is the money for?

BrokenMumTeenDD Thu 27-Feb-20 13:52:08

Britney. There's a time target & you withdraw whatever is raised at that point, you can also extend the time target if more is needed.

Sparklesocks Thu 27-Feb-20 13:52:45

Don’t donate if you don’t feel comfortable.
It seems a bit unfair to judge their behaviour, I imagine I would do all sorts of things if I found out my diagnosis was terminal.

Billben Thu 27-Feb-20 13:53:25

I’m with you OP and wouldn’t give them a penny. If he had the cheek to ask for tens of thousands then giving him anything less than a few hundred quid would just probably make him think of You as stingy anyway.
If you are wrestling with your conscience, just give the amount you were willing to donate to him to his cancer’s charity.

Floofboopsnootandbork Thu 27-Feb-20 13:54:37

BritneyPeedOnALadybug I think you can just withdraw the money whenever you want

BrokenMumTeenDD Thu 27-Feb-20 13:54:48

You don't sound like you like this person very much anyway

Not at all, love them to bits & we go back a very long way. I'm not overly keen on their more recent guru reinvention of themselves, but find it more funny than anything

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