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The “town bike”

(274 Posts)
MrsBrentford Wed 26-Feb-20 22:31:04

Today colleagues and I went in my car together and I made a joke about “shagging about” when I was a teenager - it was clearly a joke and not true.

College said oh Mrs Brentford “you weren’t the town bike were you?”. We work in a role which requires us to be non judgemental.

I said “no Colleague but if I had had a lot of safe, enjoyable consensual sex while single that would be ok and if I were a man you would be calling me a player”

To which she agreed.

FFS do women still actually think like this?

Pipandmum Wed 26-Feb-20 22:37:13

You joked about 'shagging about' and she joked back about you being the 'town bike'. Then you got defensive. And yes society does feel like this by and large - my kids are teens and I've heard them say that about classmates (the girls get judged but the boys don't).

AnyFucker Wed 26-Feb-20 22:41:18

Errr, you started it confused

happycamper11 Wed 26-Feb-20 22:44:43

Sounds like banter which you started then got offended when colleague tried to join in. Yes people probably do still think this way but on this occasion it was likely meant in jest not judgment

namechangetheworld Wed 26-Feb-20 22:44:46

You made a joke. She made a joke. You got offended.

She probably now thinks you're nuts.

mrsBtheparker Wed 26-Feb-20 22:48:10

Heat. Kitchen.

LoseLooseLucy Wed 26-Feb-20 22:48:12

You joked, she joked? confused

MrsBrentford Wed 26-Feb-20 22:48:30

No I made a joke and she took it quite seriously. When she said it it was serious and it was awkward.

Bananacloud Wed 26-Feb-20 22:49:15

Sooo, you were the town bike and now you’re not happy about it?! hmm

user1473878824 Wed 26-Feb-20 22:50:39

Oh god you’re that person.

LittleBearPad Wed 26-Feb-20 22:51:30

We work in a role which requires us to be non judgemental.

??

She may well have been joking and not judging. You just felt judged.

Miljea Wed 26-Feb-20 22:51:34

That made me well laugh! It was 'village bike' around here!

You can 'safe space' this all you like in your 'non-judgemental' workspace, but guess what?

Wishing those dual values away doesn't make them go away, sadly.

He's 'a lad' 😉; she's 'a tramp'.

However you dress up her having safe, consensual sex with whomsoever she chose, in the village; our society isn't quite ready to be non-judgemental about it. Sadly.

faracrossthepond Wed 26-Feb-20 22:53:23

You won't shake being the town bike now sorry.

Why the F did you say what you did?

shinyredbus Wed 26-Feb-20 22:53:47

You joked, she joked. You didn’t like it so now offended? Yabu. Don’t joke next time.

JaneyGotAGun Wed 26-Feb-20 22:54:10

Well you sound like a barrel of laughs.

pallisers Wed 26-Feb-20 22:56:15

of course there is still a double standard. most of the shit women have dealt with for centuries hasn't gone away - it is just a bit or maybe a lot better but the shit is still there. Your colleague is part of that.

Your initial "joke" was entirely inappropriate for a work situation.

happycamper11 Wed 26-Feb-20 22:56:16

I'm confused why you even said it if it wasn't true

Nitpickpicnic Wed 26-Feb-20 22:57:15

There’s a big difference between ‘shagging about’ (OP has agency in that situation) and ‘town bike’ (being used, ridden, like an object).

Also, it’s fairly common to make self-deprecatory/joking comments about oneself that wouldn’t be funny if used by someone else.

The tone used by that colleague clinches it. They were being rude and sexist. It wasn’t an offhand, careless comment or joke.

Myself? I wouldn’t talk or joke about my sex life (past or present) to colleagues. It’s unprofessional, and can only lead to negative outcomes. Otherwise I agree fervently with OP that the cultural double-standard is intact and appalling.

faracrossthepond Wed 26-Feb-20 23:00:54

What @nitpickpicnic said. If I HAD been very promiscuous in my past I would not tell ANYONE. I know it's bad and women should be free to shag around without being labelled a slag/slut/town bike.

But it's not like that IS it? Unfortunately you will be called a slag (behind your back) if you brag/claim you have had a 100 men.

Utterly horrible. But true sadly..........

Sparklesocks Wed 26-Feb-20 23:08:48

I think generally talking about sex (even vaguely hinting at or making jokes) is a bad idea with colleagues. Just avoid it altogether.

P1nkHeartLovesCake Wed 26-Feb-20 23:14:09

So you rode a lot of cocks, and feel guilty..... (who lies about shagging around, clearly one was speaking the truth)

I mean in all seriousness come on you joked. She joked 🤷🏻‍♀️

Sagradafamiliar Wed 26-Feb-20 23:18:31

Can't imagine saying I'd shagged about to a colleague but if I did then I wouldn't be surprised by the banter she gave back in response.

Sparklingbrook Wed 26-Feb-20 23:26:31

Surely the normal reply to that would be ‘no I wasn’t you cheeky sod’ everyone laughs and you move on. As a PP said you started it!

rattusrattus20 Wed 26-Feb-20 23:28:14

promiscuity isn't big or clever for either sex. I guess the main difference between the two is that men who do it usually need to have some sort of special quality (ie looks, charm, money, etc) in order to attract women, and those qualities, as opposed to promiscuity, is what people admire them for, women not so much.

donquixotedelamancha Wed 26-Feb-20 23:35:53

The tone used by that colleague clinches it. They were being rude and sexist. It wasn’t an offhand, careless comment or joke.

I read it as the total opposite. The use of twin bike guarantees it was a tongue in cheek comment.

You'd have to be a total psychopath to call someone that to their face and be dead serious. Someone that judgemental would not then agree with OP's (quite correct) assertion of a woman's right to her own sexual choices.

It was a riff on your joke, OP.

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