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To think it is unusual for a 10 year old to announce she is bisexual?

(163 Posts)
PotteryLottery Wed 26-Feb-20 22:00:17

My Y6 child came home saying that 10 year old classmate who has previously identified as a lesbian with a girlfriend, is now saying she is bisexual.

She had to explain the terms to my child.

Is this normal playground talk nowadays?

I have no problem with any child's sexuality but I'm just wondering if I should mention it to the school in case she has been exposed to something inappropriate for her age? I know the girl has teen siblings.

Vulpine Wed 26-Feb-20 22:03:28

Maybe she is bisexual?

Lordfrontpaw Wed 26-Feb-20 22:03:56

Sounds a bit young. I’m sure she’s heard the jargon at school.

SuburbanFraggle Wed 26-Feb-20 22:07:06

Sounds a bit young

Binterested Wed 26-Feb-20 22:07:53

Too much too soon. Of course many children have an idea that they might like boys or girls at that age and I would never want a child to feel disturbed by those thoughts or to feel they had to hide them. But it’s way too early for children to start pasting labels on themselves. This is not the same as saying ‘oh you’ll change your mind when you meet a nice man’ to a young lesbian. It’s saying this labelling and having to force identities onto children is really disturbing.

Daftodil Wed 26-Feb-20 22:08:27

It is very young. Don't think I had any thoughts towards sexuality one way or the other at that age.

Thehop Wed 26-Feb-20 22:09:45

Gosh. That sounds like very adult talk for a 10 yr old.

Surely they’d just say they had a girlfriend/boyfriend or whatever?

FlaskMaster Wed 26-Feb-20 22:11:48

A 10yo with teen siblings saying they're bisexual is not an indication of anything inappropriate at all. Maybe they are bisexual, maybe they just say it because kids that age come out with crap their older siblings go on about. We don't know. But it's certainly not an indication of anything untoward going on. Calm down.

Ellisandra Wed 26-Feb-20 22:12:11

When she was end of Y4, my daughter said she and her friend were thinking of being girlfriends. My sister is gay, so she’s grown up knowing love is love. The next day, she said they were too young and going to wait, as a third friend had said they were too young to date, and she agreed. Now Y6, she goes a bit giggly about boys.

Meh. She’ll find her way to whatever she is. No problem with a 10yo knowing the terms lesbian and bisexual, it’s just what many people are.

If you’re old enough at Y6 to get a little giggly over the idea of a boy (late Y6 was my first MASSIVE crush!) then you’re old enough to know if you’re feeling things about a girl or both.

jimmyhill Wed 26-Feb-20 22:12:29

Hands up anyone who DIDN'T know what gender they were attracted to when they were 10?

Who DIDN'T "fancy" someone or have a "crush" on them.

Of course, if you fancied someone of the opposite gender, that's just "normal" and doesn't need a special name.

Why shouldn't the child who knows they have childish crushes on both genders know the name for that sexuality and use it to describe themselves?

It's really no different from children of that she pretending to have a "boyfriend" or "girlfriend".

Ellisandra Wed 26-Feb-20 22:13:42

Bisexual I’d understand your own Y6 not knowing - but has your daughter seriously never heard the term lesbian?!

Ellisandra Wed 26-Feb-20 22:14:39

@jimmyhill absolutely! I had the most heartbreaking unrequited love crush (on my teacher blush) mid Y6. It was INTENSE!

QuixoticQuokka Wed 26-Feb-20 22:14:56

Isn't it bicurious if you fancy both men and women but haven't actually been in a sexual relationship with both?

Iggly Wed 26-Feb-20 22:15:37

Hands up anyone who DIDN'T know what gender they were attracted to when they were 10

Well my understanding is that people’s sexual preferences can and do change.

I think the use of the term bisexual is unusual for that age 🤷🏻‍♀️ But being bisexual at that age - no. Although I would suggest that attraction at that age is different to that of an adult.

QuixoticQuokka Wed 26-Feb-20 22:20:43

Hands up anyone who DIDN'T know what gender they were attracted to when they were 10?
I wasn't interested at 10. I was attracted to girls from 11 I'd say, well before I noticed boys. I'm attracted to women and men, but I've only been in relationships with men so I couldn't say for sure if I'm bisexual or not.

Grembolina Wed 26-Feb-20 22:21:00

My 12 year old has announced she is bisexual. To be honest I think it's the cool alternative thing to be at the moment. She's not particularly interested in relationships at all but had only had boyfriends so far.

I just said, great, you like who you like. It's no odds to me.

She will probably forget about it by next year. Either way it doesn't actually make a difference so long as she is happy.

Booboostwo Wed 26-Feb-20 22:22:05

Why wouldn’t children know the descriptive terms heterosexual, gay, lesbian and bisexual? My five year old knows them and my 8yo has said she’s probably bisexual because if you like someone it doesn’t matter what sex they are. Will she remain bisexual for life? I have no idea, nor is it any of my business.

We live in a horrible world though when people think that a child being bisexual is a possible safeguarding issue. Of course all the heterosexual children are just being cute when they talk about their crushes and boyfriend/girlfriends.

Troels Wed 26-Feb-20 22:22:33

At 10 I thought boys were gross and I only liked my girlfriends. I was more interested in riding ponies that being with people.
At 10 many kids have no clue. It just repeating what they hear at home. I'm pretty sure I was in high school before I had any interest in boys.

outherealone Wed 26-Feb-20 22:25:00

Kids know terminology now that we might not have known at their age but I'm pretty sure that in the 70s I had huge crushes on boys and very innocent 'sexual' fantasies about them.
I remember in middle school we all knew one girl was a lesbian long before she came out.
I think that in relation to how far we've progressed that ten is a very normal age to have an idea of sexuality even if nowhere near ready for sex.

Fatasfooook Wed 26-Feb-20 22:26:35

She’s just a kid. Kids repeat stuff they’ve heard to be cool/different/sound smart. I wouldn’t give this a second thought.

Reginabambina Wed 26-Feb-20 22:28:41

Bloody hell, since when do ten year olds have a sexuality?

eMmAsuper8 Wed 26-Feb-20 22:29:13

10year old has also come home this week saying her two friends she hangs around with are lesbians (and she's feeling pushed out)

CakeAndGin Wed 26-Feb-20 22:29:30

It’s not a new thing to have crushes at 10 year old. I’m 30 and I had my first crush at 10. His name was Robin, he had floppy brown hair and I was gutted when he told me about the girl he fancied (obviously not me). Nobody in my playground was declaring themselves to be straight/gay/bisexual but that’s because it was just expected that people were straight and people weren’t gay/bisexual. People I went to school with didn’t come out until sixth form at the very earliest because it just wasn’t done. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with using the terms and I think it’s good that kids are comfortable using that language, my worry would be permanently labelling yourself at a young age when your sexuality might change as you develop. Crushes were definitely the talk of the playground in year 6. It seems like year 5 you were pretend playing marriage and then all of sudden were having real crushes and didn’t pretend marriage anymore, you actually were boyfriend/girlfriend (if Robin didn’t break your heart 😂).

TalaxuArmiuna Wed 26-Feb-20 22:29:56

my friend's 12yo announced herself to be bisexual. friend totally cool and accepting and loving - but did manage to ask casually what 12yo understood the word to mean.

12yo reckoned that it means that you have friends who are boys as well as friends who are girls. friend explained that the term actually usually means a desire towards having sex with girls as well as a desire towards having sex with boys.

12yo went a bit pale and wide-eyed and backtracked right away as that is very much not what she means (not especially keen on sex with anyone yet!)

I suspect something similar is going on with this 10yo.

lunar1 Wed 26-Feb-20 22:36:23

My boys know all the correct terms and meanings, they could use bisexual correctly in a sentence. At 11&8 neither have any interest in anyone in terms of 'dating.' Though the girls in DS1's year 6 class seem more interested, my eldest got a few interesting valentines cards!

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