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AIBU to be embarrassed and not have friends over?

(162 Posts)
Pinkwithwhite Wed 26-Feb-20 19:58:06

We have been in our house a while but we haven't had the money to decorate. I would really like to have my friends over but I'm too embarrassed.
There aren't any skirting boards, the people who lived here before started painting and made a mess (paint on the ceiling, banister around the window).
It's not homely, we don't have a rug, pictures on the wall, the curtains we have don't match the cushions. We have nice sofas and that's it really.
Honestly hand on heart when you go to a friend's house do you think about their home after? Would you judge me? Or AIBU and they won't care?

MrsStrangerThing Wed 26-Feb-20 20:00:39

No, I honestly wouldn't. But could you start getting a few bits done? Buy some cheap paint? B&M have some lovely pictures you can hang too. I wouldn't worry about the cushions and curtains not matching.

Orangedaisy Wed 26-Feb-20 20:02:44

I genuinely wouldn’t care less. If it was filthy dirty and full of junk I might prefer to stay away but a ‘work in progress’ even over years is absolutely fine.

BritneyPeedOnALadybug Wed 26-Feb-20 20:03:18

If they are your friends they won’t care, surely?

I’ve never been to a friends house and judged it (I save that for houses of people I don’t like) grin

inmyshoos Wed 26-Feb-20 20:03:52

I wouldn't care. Friends don't care about that kind of stuff.

BrutusMcDogface Wed 26-Feb-20 20:05:01

I don’t have people over either, so I totally understand. I don’t judge other people’s homes though- just my own sad

thistimelastweek Wed 26-Feb-20 20:05:08

Friends remember the warm welcome much more than t h e surroundings.
Honestly, it's all about the welcome.

Queenparsnip Wed 26-Feb-20 20:05:41

Just say you are in the middle of decorating. I definitely wouldn't judge. They would probably just like to come over. Stick a vase of nice flowers out, light a candle and have a good bottle of wine or fancy cake. They really won't care and if they do they are not real friends.

Gatehouse77 Wed 26-Feb-20 20:06:14

I couldn't give a flying what state someone's house is in as long as it's not filthy. I wouldn't be comfortable somewhere where I felt like every surface was dirty but peeling paint, missing skirting boards, etc. would't bother me at all.

Our house was sooo tired. Environmentally, we did an excellent job of getting the most out of carpets (previous owner put in) as they were threadbare by the time we could afford to get work done!

If people judged me on the state of the house and not the person/parent I am then so be it. It says a lot more about them than it does about me.

SonEtLumiere Wed 26-Feb-20 20:06:25

Friends don’t care. They want to see you. Even if they think “Well I wouldn’t want that project”, it doesn’t reflect badly kn you, and they won’t think it does.

HeyMac Wed 26-Feb-20 20:08:19

Wouldn't give a monkeys. People don't invite us round as they think our house is always neat and tidy. Which is bollocks. Makes me sad that people are happy to come round mine but we don't get an invite back. I just want a cuppa and a chat with my pal.

The80sweregreat Wed 26-Feb-20 20:08:32

I visit the person not the house! But then my home isn't perfect so I don't judge.
Try looking on line for some ideas for a few bits ? I'm no good at interior design myself so I know how you feel!

virginpinkmartini Wed 26-Feb-20 20:08:49

The only time I've ever judged someone's home is if it's a total shithole/ stinks. Even when I've gone to my friends house, and the lightswitches are coated in scummy residue from dirty hands, I'm a bit like 'Come on, how can that not drive you fucking crazy' (in my head.) Her skirting boards are really bloody manky as well, and the place just feels like it needs a good santise/ airing.

If it's just a bit of clutter, I really never ever think twice about it. You can't live your life constantly living in a show home.

But you're not asking about that... You're asking about decor (or lack thereof.) You would have to be a special sort of heartless to think less of someone for not having the 'right' decor. As long as the place is somewhat fresh and somewhat tidy you've got nothing to be embarrassed about. Hopefully you can make your house a home soon enough though, for your own benefit. Sod everyone else x

Flutteringsatlast Wed 26-Feb-20 20:08:55

Does your kettle work??
That's all that matters imo..

Darbs76 Wed 26-Feb-20 20:08:58

No I wouldn’t care at all

Butterymuffin Wed 26-Feb-20 20:09:58

They won't care. But if it makes you feel better, get a throw and some cushions in the same shades from Asda and it'll be sorted for £25.

museumum Wed 26-Feb-20 20:13:13

I really wouldn’t judge. But if someone was a good friend I’d probably expect them to have already mentioned the house issues. My friends and I often plan together things we’d like to do next in our homes when we have the money and time.

SuperMumTum Wed 26-Feb-20 20:13:57

My house is a state. I'm a single parent of 2 kids, working p/t and paying the mortgage, bills etc. Any spare money goes on treats, experiences, clubs, activities and family holidays. I try to keep it clean and tidy (fail most of the time) but if people judge me for choosing to spend my time and money on my kids rather than doing DIY and decluttering then that's not my issue. I don't have people round very often as I'm not particularly outgoing but it's not because my hallway paint is scribbled on, my kitchen tiles are cracked and my carpet is stained. If you want to entertain people then do it. They wont care but so what if they do.

Curiosity101 Wed 26-Feb-20 20:14:23

I would judge a dirty bathroom if I had to use it or dirty kitchen if they were making food for me etc. But wouldn't bat an eye lid at lots of mess, renovations, missing skirting boards etc. Doesn't matter how long they'd been in the house for, plans and priorities change! My friends are my friends and I don't really care how their house looks.

BlueChangling Wed 26-Feb-20 20:15:30

I'm house proud so I wouldn't feel comfortable inviting people over if my house wasn't presentable. However. My friends are good people and the only thing theyd care about is that the heating was on and there was plenty of wine in the fridge

virginpinkmartini Wed 26-Feb-20 20:16:41

Try and get some free stuff off of gumtree. I got my glass coffee table and TV stand from there. Even just filling up the living room with a bit of furniture and adding some small touches, like clever lighting and a potted plant can make all the difference. Not sure what your financial situation is like but just adding a bit here and there makes all the difference. Even a used jam jar with a cheap tealight in it can look really pretty.

TheTrollFairy Wed 26-Feb-20 20:17:15

Dirty houses yes. Non matchy houses no. I wouldn’t be able to tell you if paint was painted correctly in any of my friends houses or if they had skirting boards. We haven’t had door frames around most of our doors for years now. If my friends are judging me that they can’t really like me

JRUIN Wed 26-Feb-20 20:19:25

As long as your house isn't filthy dirty and you welcomed me with a smile and a cuppa I wouldn't give a shit about the decor.

Bloodybridget Wed 26-Feb-20 20:21:26

I wouldn't mind at all unless it was dirty, messy or cold.

idontlike789 Wed 26-Feb-20 20:22:39

As long as it's clean and tidy i'd not worry .
Look in charity shops there is one near me that sells furniture and bits and pieces they are on social media and they have had some lovely bits . Honestly keep it clean a couple of house plants and smelling nice no one will care.

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