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Posting on Facebook about a deceased relative

(211 Posts)
glitteryboots Wed 26-Feb-20 17:34:58

I know someone who lost their father probably about a month ago now. Very sad but not entirely unexpected - in his 80s. Lots of sympathetic comments on Facebook - fair enough - I posted my condolences also. However, she is putting on posts about her father every single day - not always pictures but something that refers to him. I think if you are grieving you should grieve with close friends and family not try and get sympathetic messages online every five minutes. In between the messages there are pictures of her going to the cinema or out for a meal - AIBU?

canithrottlesomeppl Wed 26-Feb-20 17:36:10

Just unfollow her.

LovingLola Wed 26-Feb-20 17:37:16

Scroll on by.

flumposie Wed 26-Feb-20 17:37:36

They are allowed to grieve the way they see fit and post what they want on their Facebook page. Stop following them if it you don't like it.

tigger1001 Wed 26-Feb-20 17:37:59

Yabu. People grieve in different ways. If you don't like it you can unfollow

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve Wed 26-Feb-20 17:39:17

I would never do this myself but it just sounds like the poor woman is reaching out. Just unfollow if it's irritating you, she obviously feels much worse.

Sirzy Wed 26-Feb-20 17:39:58

There isn’t a right or wrong way to grieve.

If you don’t like how she is grieving then unfriend or unfollow her

NoMorePoliticsPlease Wed 26-Feb-20 17:40:19

I think its awful but so many people do it. Live their lives on Facebook, strange

opticaldelusion Wed 26-Feb-20 17:41:30

Absolutely the best way to deal with this is to post on her wall, preferably in CAPITALS, that she is to cease posting about her dead father immediately. That will be helpful and kind.

whatsthebestname Wed 26-Feb-20 17:42:39

glittery we may well know the same person! I lost my DDad aged 64, 7 weeks ago. I'm beyond devastated but my grief is private and I don't like the mawkish fb posts referring to it so I have refrained completely.
I find it all a wee bit attention seeking.
However..... my friend clearly finds it a comfort to her and it's her way of dealing with it. I've hidden her posts for now as it's not my thing and I'm too raw in my own grief to see hers displayed so openly.
I suppose I'm trying to say that we are all different and what suits one person doesn't help another. So I either hide or scroll on....

Saucery Wed 26-Feb-20 17:47:56

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

WinterCat Wed 26-Feb-20 17:49:22

If this way helps with grief, then it’s right for them. Just unfollow if you don’t like it or want to see it rather than judging.

GinDrinker00 Wed 26-Feb-20 17:51:56

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

glitteryboots Wed 26-Feb-20 17:53:10

But surely if you are putting on pictures and messages every single day there is only so much people can say. I have honestly never seen anyone else doing this - maybe on the anniversary of a death or on someone's birthday. I can understand that but pictures of showing yourself staring into the distance seem a bit strange.

glitteryboots Wed 26-Feb-20 17:54:18

Apart from that her daughter and mother are Facebook friends - it is a constant daily reminder for them.

Nowayorhighway Wed 26-Feb-20 17:54:49

Hit the unfollow button, you don’t have to unfriend her but it means you won’t see her posts.

Elouera Wed 26-Feb-20 17:57:07

I'd always send an actual sympathy card with condolences rather than write them on social media!!!

I found out my nan had died after a cousin had posted it on social media and another friend sent her condolences- rather than checking that immediate family were even aware firstly. It was the most awful way to find out, so I certainly wouldnt be posting anything online, but just scroll past OP.

JRUIN Wed 26-Feb-20 17:58:01

You sound nice OP hmm

TulipsTwoLips Wed 26-Feb-20 17:58:21

Sometimes people are talking to themselves when they post, or are just letting out their feelings. They're not necessarily looking for a response.

ParkheadParadise Wed 26-Feb-20 17:58:23

Everyone deals with grief their own way.
If the post didn't affect me personally I wouldn't care.

Elouera Wed 26-Feb-20 17:58:27

I should add that everyone grieves in their own way- there is NO right or wrong way. For her, it might be the only way she knows how to grieve. Just dont reply and scroll past! Or call and ask how she is!!!

TidyDancer Wed 26-Feb-20 17:58:29

Let her grieve how she sees fit. If getting attention is helping her then who cares? Just unfollow her and keep quiet.

maddiemookins16mum Wed 26-Feb-20 17:59:08

People do ‘odd’ (to some people) things when mourning a major loss. She may well do it for a while, it probably gives her comfort of sorts.

MidsomerMum Wed 26-Feb-20 17:59:31

One of the worst things when you lose someone is that even when people want to be there for you to talk to, they’re not because it’s just so tough and they don’t want to see you upset or say the wrong thing. Social media gives the person who is grieving space to communicate with others and feel less alone. They might not want a response but they know they’ve said how they’re feeling.

It’s not for everyone, and for most people it’s an occasional way to remember that the person you loved was here and it’s okay to talk about them.

Grieving is lonely. No one else will ever have had the same relationship with the person who has gone.

To do this day, my DMs profile pictures are always my DSis. She changes them when she comes across one that brings back a strong memory. It stops me in my tracks every time because I think WTH why is Dsis’s account active and it stings when I realise it’s just mum. But I’d never tell her. Ever. It’s her way of remembering and communicating.

Kirkman Wed 26-Feb-20 18:01:21

It's not for you to tell her out to grieve.

If you were concerned for her, I would get it.

But you just seem to be judging her. Let her grieve how she feels is best. Its not for you to tell her what she should or shouldnt do.

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