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To of told a lie to not collect her kids

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Guiltybutstuck Tue 25-Feb-20 14:02:07

I feel really guilty. A mum I speak to at the gates sent me a message an hour ago. Her youngest was being sent into hospital with a bad chest and she asked if I could possibly pick her two boys up from school. One is in my son's class and the other is older. I don't particularly know these kids other than if we walk up the road with them.

When I read the message the first thing I thought was we have a mile walk home and I don't think I can cope with a toddler and 3 kids with bags and drink bottles and coats etc. They all strip off and Chuck their bags on the pushchairs etc after school.

Also I'm having a really bad period. It's heavy and I'm already in a sweat about school run leaking. I am under the Dr for this and currently getting help and having scans etc. The thought of needing to dart to the loo with other peoples kids here that I don't know is a bit tricky.

My partner's working home today so needs the quiet.

Also it's pancake Day and I have only got enough for us four. My kids will need feeding around 5ish. There will be no telling when they will get back.

Also I would of needed to do abit of a mad hoover and tidy before the school run which I really cba doing today.

I said we were at my sister's tonight so wouldnt be going home. I did say I could nip them to a park for half hour to give them time to come back.

I feel so guilty. I just wasn't prepared and I don't really know them.

Am I a cow for not being more helpful? I was surprised I was the choice of help too.

AryaStarkWolf Tue 25-Feb-20 14:04:31

YANBU, I'm sure she has someone else she can ask

Guiltybutstuck Tue 25-Feb-20 14:07:05

I always try and help people and I know she couldn't exactly give me notice but it was also minimal info in the message. She's going to be flustered and quite rightly concerned for her baby. It's unlikely that it will be a quick visit to hospital so I presume they will be better off with someone they know better. I feel so bad about it.

abbidabbi Tue 25-Feb-20 14:09:59

I think it probably would have been more stressful than usual for you taking all the children home, so I do understand why you felt reluctant. However if you were the person she asked either she doesn't have a lot of support, or she's been through other people who've said no and maybe was getting a bit desperate. You could have taken them without too much inconvenience. I think YAB and bit U but hopefully she finds someone else

ForFussCake Tue 25-Feb-20 14:11:18

YANBU, but I would feel guilty too. It’s not your responsibility, though.

Crunchymum Tue 25-Feb-20 14:11:41

I would worry that she is asking you as she doesn't have anyone else to ask / has already asked several people who can't help?

If I believed it to be a genuine emergency and the mum wasn't a CF then I'd help!

Guiltybutstuck Tue 25-Feb-20 14:13:01

I do feel for her as I've been in the same boat last year. I had to stay home with my toddler and my partner who drives did the overnight stays etc. It's horrible and I do feel bad. I would of taken them to the park as I said to give them some time. Hopefully a closer friend or family member will help.

HerRoyalNotness Tue 25-Feb-20 14:14:19

They’re kids, they don’t care if your house needs a Hoover or if you have to use the loo! As for their bags you could have told them to carry their own stuff on the way home.

I wouldn’t hesitate to help as I know how shit it is to have a child in hospital and have very limited acquaintances I could ask to help me with my others. She’s probably desperate!

Guiltybutstuck Tue 25-Feb-20 14:14:55

@Crunchymum yeah I know but I did offer a little something to help out. It's abit tricky as it could be several hours and the kids don't know us if you get me. Plus oh is working and is on the phone. It would be abit chaotic here and make him look unproffesional

Newtothis2017 Tue 25-Feb-20 14:16:42

She must have been desperate if she asked you and you aren't close friends. I can't imagine saying no to someone in that position.

Sneezer Tue 25-Feb-20 14:17:27

I do understand but I think given the circumstances she obviously really was desperate if she had to ask you sad

Twelveroses Tue 25-Feb-20 14:17:39

I suspect the poor woman is pretty desperate, to have asked somebody who, by your account, she doesn't know very well.

Her baby is being admitted to hospital. It's not like she fancies a break from the kids so she can go for a coffee.

You say you think the kids would be better off with someone they know better. Do you not think their mum has thought of that? I'd assume she's approached you because close family/friends aren't local or available.

I think you've been unreasonable, sorry.

Bubblesgun Tue 25-Feb-20 14:17:46

Given you are celebratinng Shrove Tuesday, I am guessing Lent is important to you. (Or are you one of those who just cook the pancakes and forget about Ash Wednesday and Lent?).
It would have been the right thing to do to help her. We ve all been there worried about a sick child and wondering what to do with the others. It would have been kind. And on that day today the day before Lent it would have been even better.
But each to their own.
You feel guilty because you know you ve made the wrong decision.

But dont beat yourself up and learn ypur lesson. Next time help. You could be in that position. They wouldnt have cared about the hoovwring and you could have made more pancakes.

Tomorrow is another day.

HollowTalk Tue 25-Feb-20 14:18:07

If you think she's telling the truth about her child then I do think you're being horrible, to be honest. I can't imagine how worried she must be, to have to ask you to help her.

SapphosRock Tue 25-Feb-20 14:18:54

I would have picked up her kids in the circumstances

ellendegeneres Tue 25-Feb-20 14:19:31

I think the biggest thing is you don’t really know the kids. It’s one thing to help out for half hour, another entirely when you don’t know how long for. And you’re not well. And your dp is working from home so needs quiet that your kids can manage but her kids won’t be expecting.

Of course you feel guilty. You don’t know who else she has to ask. But by saying yes your whole house would be potentially thrown into chaos and you’re having someone else agree to have that happen in your dp. So tricky.

loobyloo1234 Tue 25-Feb-20 14:20:07

Need to hoover? Pancakes?

I think YABU as they are really bad reasons when it sounds like she really could have done with your help

But you do have my sympathy over the really bad period issue

Guiltybutstuck Tue 25-Feb-20 14:21:21

One of those people that just treats my kids to pancakes. Not sure if you read the fact I hadn't got enough for them to eat here. I'm not horrible I would of made them some otherwise. I really struggle to leave the house when I'm heavy too! I am going for a blood transfusion for my iron levels soon so you imagine how weak I am. I do my best and no need to go on about lent.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Tue 25-Feb-20 14:21:34

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult Tue 25-Feb-20 14:22:11

I cant imagine leaving a clearly desperate person in that position with a very ill child over some hoovering etc.

No wonder you're feeling guilty about it, but it's done now.

Herpesfreesince03 Tue 25-Feb-20 14:22:18

Her baby’s being admitted to hospital and she’s obviously desperate to ask someone she doesn’t know that well. I wouldn’t have said no just because I had a heavy period and not enough pancakes

AgentPrentiss Tue 25-Feb-20 14:22:51

I think you were a bit mean sorry and your excuses are lame.

I would have picked the kids up in that situation, and I despise babysitting other people’s kids and will avoid at all costs.

She probably asked as a last resort.

Whoops75 Tue 25-Feb-20 14:23:20

I would have collected the children and given them the adults pancakes

YABU

Comefromaway Tue 25-Feb-20 14:23:44

Having been the recipient of help with my kids when dh was rushed into hospital with a suspected mini stroke I would drop everything in those circumstances to help someone out.

IHaveBrilloHair Tue 25-Feb-20 14:24:10

I'd have picked up her kids and muddled through.
So long as they're safe and warm and fed something you could have sorted out the rest later.
Sorry, I think were unreasonable

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