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to expect my friend to buy presents for my dd?

(96 Posts)
Cathy10 Wed 05-Sep-07 11:56:06

my "best" friend (childless) has 'forgotten' my DDs birthday - she also seemed to 'forget' my eldest's birthday earlier this year. Not even a card. I feel offended, esp when the last time she text me to say she had been too busy at work to remember!!!! Then we met up and no card no pressie despite the fact I went on about the party etc. Its her birthday soon and I feel like 'forgetting' hers. Birthdays to me are so important esp for children what do you think I should do - should I say anything or just accept she will no longer buy them anything?

Budababe Wed 05-Sep-07 11:59:12

YABU. Nobody HAS to buy a present for anyone. It is personal choice if she wants to buy your DCs a present.

fluffyanimal Wed 05-Sep-07 11:59:15

I think it's unreasonable to expect birthday cards, let alone presents, from anyone other than immediate family. You also have to appreciate that birthdays are simply less important to other people. did you DD get upset because your friend forgot, or is it just you that is upset? If your DD is upset, you could have a tactful word with your friend, but if she isn't bothered, then you shouldn't be either. Why the inverted commas round forget? I'm sure she genuinely did, and it wasn't deliberate.

CatIsSleepy Wed 05-Sep-07 12:00:24

I wouldn't necessarily expect my friends (esp childless ones)to buy presents for my dd-would be quite surprised if they did actually...

bran Wed 05-Sep-07 12:00:30

YABU, friendship isn't about shopping. I would never have thought of buying a present for a friend's child's birthday. Even now that I have a child I only buy a present if I am actually attending the party.

PinkMartini Wed 05-Sep-07 12:01:45

Does your friend have children?

pirategirl Wed 05-Sep-07 12:03:24

i would be pissed off that she had forgotten, if i had mentioned the party. I would at least expect a card from my best friend.

Is she always forgetful tho?

PinkMartini Wed 05-Sep-07 12:04:59

Sorry helps if I read the op properly blush
I don't have children (yet- am 11+3 with my first!) and must admit I don't always buy presents/cards for my friends' children.

When it's just you (and maybe a partner) to think about, then life does tend to revolve around you and work especially can take over one's life. I know. I've been there.

Is she very involved in your DCs lives (a god parent/doing babysitting etc)?

Did they even notice that they didn't get a card from her?

ImBarryScott Wed 05-Sep-07 12:05:54

I doubt my childless friends have a clue when DD's birthday is.

But they remember mine, and make a fuss of me, which family do much less since DD was born!

ConnorTraceptive Wed 05-Sep-07 12:06:03

YABU I don't expect cards or presents from others for ds and I don't generally buy/send any unless we've been invited to a party. To be honest my memory is just too poor for it and it gets expensive.

hanaflower Wed 05-Sep-07 12:06:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

haychee Wed 05-Sep-07 12:06:22

Say nothing.

She is a friend, that is all that matters. Im crap at remembering birthdays too. And im skint alot of the time, sometimes i am embarressed that i cant afford a gift for whoever. Children shouldnt learn to expect gifts and or cards but its a bonus when they do.

KTeePee Wed 05-Sep-07 12:06:33

It's lovely if friends remember your dcs birthdays but not mandatory imo. Most ofe my friends have children and no way have I the time or energy to keep track of all their birthdays. I only give presents to the ones my dcs are actually friends with. Obviously if I was visiting them when it was their birthdays (or was invited to the party) I would get something small.

Hulababy Wed 05-Sep-07 12:07:49

YABU, sorry. I wouldn't expect my friends to send DD a card, let alone a present. Yes, some do and DD is obviosuly grateful, but expect it, never.

bran Wed 05-Sep-07 12:09:02

In fact it's pretty good of her to be willing to listen to you "go on" about the party. Other people's children are never as interesting as the parents think they are, especially to someone who doesn't have children herself. It's easy to forget that when your children are the centre of your world. I told myself to never forget how dull it is to hear more than 5 or 10 mins worth about someone else's child once I had one of my own, but I still find myself obsessing about ds until my friends' and work colleagues' eyes glaze over. grin

OrmIrian Wed 05-Sep-07 12:09:18

YABU. She's your friend not your DD's friend.

Baffy Wed 05-Sep-07 12:09:28

Agree with most people here. I don't think you should expect anything from her for your dd.

Does she remember your birthday? IMO that's what matters.

gess Wed 05-Sep-07 12:09:31

YABU. Totally.

pirategirl Wed 05-Sep-07 12:10:39

i dont get it, if it was my 'best friend' i would be sad.

is she really a good friend, your best mate?

mawbroon Wed 05-Sep-07 12:10:44


maisemor Wed 05-Sep-07 12:12:34

YABU, unless you invited her to the party celebrations and she showed up with no present.

snowleopard Wed 05-Sep-07 12:15:24

Some of my friends do get cards and presents for DS, and some don't - I'm grateful if they do but kind of also if they don't, because I find that the STUFF mounts up no end and I feel bad having to give things to oxfam etc. eventually, if they were presents.

Also, remember that the more kids your contemporaries pop out, the more birthdays you have to remember and it just becomes impossible - especially if you're childless and just not used to thinking about it. I myself am a pretty erratic birthday-rememberer these days and I just reassure myself that most kids don't need yet more stuff.

mishymoo Wed 05-Sep-07 12:15:45

I have mixed feelings about this one - I would hope my 'best' friend would want to remember my kids birthdays and get them something small but I would not be outraged if she forgot! However, if she attended the party but didn't bring a present, I guess I would be a bit annoyed!

Tortington Wed 05-Sep-07 12:17:51


i have children - and stilli forget to buy my bessie friends kids presnets
and when i do i send them two weeks to early

or not at all

cos i am fuckwit

as she is my bestest friend - she knows me wel and realises i am much fuckwit
but as bessie friend she forgives my fuckwit tendancies cos' she knows i didn't do it on pork pies ( purpose)

harpsichordcarrier Wed 05-Sep-07 12:19:45

"she had been too busy at work to remember!!!!"
god I remember that feeling.
you are being unreasonable, sorry.
I can hradly keep track of my own family's birthdays tbh.
and children truly honestly don't care if they get a birthday card

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