To finally evict my lodger, even though she will end up homelss

[Throwawaytheatre]

Hi all,

Posting more for advice, but a little bit of aibu too...

Currently lying awake with worry and anxiety despite having to be up for work in less than four hours.

I’ve posted about my lodger before. She’s an old friend of mine and things started well. However; the past few months have been hard work. The first issue I had with her was when she had her partner at the time stay over. I told her I didn’t want men I didn’t know in the house and her partner in particular made me very uncomfortable. She had him stay over anyway and then after I had a chat with her to let her know how this made me feel, she had him over till one in the morning about a month ago.

She has since broken up with him, and this evening went on a date with a man she met online. She does not know this man at all and he is in his 30s (we are both 20s). She then brought him home and woke me up by having very loud sex. I have been unable to fall back asleep as I have been quite anxious about having a strange man she’s known for a few hours in the house. He could be anyone for all I know.

Just before Xmas she quit her job as she couldn’t hack doing nights anymore. She is now on UC; and is behind on rent. Our agreement says rent is weekly but she pays monthly in arrears if you see what I mean? She missed the Jan payment and has told me she will be unable to pay any extra this month (so assuming she pays be next week as normal she will still be four weeks behind ifyswim?) - I will add she always seems to have money for tobacco but that’s by-the-by I suppose.

As she is not working she has the heating on all day and my last gas bill was over £100.

The main reason I want to end the agreement is because she obviously doesn’t respect that this is my home and property and doesn’t respect that I don’t want strange men in it! However, I wonder if I would be better off making the arrears the “official” reason?

Do I have to give her a months notice or just a week - the agreement is weekly rent (in writing) but as I say she pays monthly.

The only thing is if I evicted her, she would have no where to go; she has no family local apart from her mum and the whole reason she ended up here is cos her mum threw her out. But I can’t keep living like this!

Thanks.

[ilovedjerrymore]

Evict her! Bringing a stranger back in to your house after only knowing him a few hours is disrespectful especially when they are having loud sex as well!

Do you have a contract with her or was it just a friend moving in and helping with rent?

If just a friend moving in with no contract then give her a weeks notice to leave. Where she goes is not your problem she has brought it on her self by being rude to you in your home and also by not paying the rent.

[Frownette]

She has to go; the Council won't let her sleep rough.

If you issue her notice she can take that to the Council and declare herself homeless.

You should be able to enjoy your home without worry.

[cabbageking]

Depending on her contract give her reasonable notice. If her rent is paid weekly then 4 weeks is plenty.

Where she goes is not your problem

[pumpkinbump]

I couldn't live like that either and I wouldn't be happy with strange men coming over. I have no idea about the notice period but I'm sure someone will. I maybe wouldn't use the arrears as the reason as she might offer to get the money from somewhere.

[RAOK]

In your situation I would have thrown her out long ago! She is being unbelievably disrespectful. I’m sorry this is happening to you. I’d give her until the end of next week to clear off and then distance myself massively from her. Friends do not treat other friends like this and she has abused your kindness. You need to feel safe and happy in your home again.

[Blondie1984]

I would tell her she has until the end of the month to move out but make it clear that it isn't open for debate - tell her that the arrangement doesn't work for you any more

[BritneyPeedOnALadybug]

The only thing is if I evicted her, she would have no where to go; she has no family local apart from her mum and the whole reason she ended up here is cos her mum threw her out.

So what? If she was a proper lodger, paying on time but disrespecting you by not following rules it would still be enough reason to kick her out but the fact that she’s now no longer paying on time? Get rid. You are not her guardian and have no reason to feel guilty about it. I would have said YABU only if this was a rented property that neither of you owned and you were both paying equal rent. Then I would have told you it’s none of your business what she does in her spare time as the space you rent and pay for is both of yours. But that is not the case here.

Inviting random men over, having loud sex, quitting jobs, smoking tobacco and leaving the heating on all day: these things are (somewhat) fine... If contributing accordingly in a rented property or it’s an owned house they paid for. if lodging, no, they still to the rules and be decent. It doesn’t sound like she has beenZ

[Throwawaytheatre]

Thank you for the advice.

I was worried I was being unreasonable about her having this bloke over - but it’s really making me anxious having some random man in the house.

[Frownette]

I wouldn't like it either OP. Hope you can get some sleep

[Blondie1984]

Its not in the least bit unreasonable!!! And even if it was, it's your house - your rules

[Ryantrain]

Where she goes is her problem. Evict her. 1 week notice is enough shes unemployed has the whole day to pack.

[katy1213]

A week's notice is plenty. She has effectively made herself homeless by not respecting your home. The next chapter in her messy life is not your problem. Don't listen to excuses; she's not going to change.

[PixieRabbit]

You can’t argue with this vote!

[Throwawaytheatre]

@PixieRabbit

103%? I guess you can’t argue with that!

Thank you all for your words of wisdom. I have an hour long commute at 6 before a 12 hour work day so will try to get some sleep, but I think it’s going to be a very long day - my head is still in overdrive

[SewItGoes]

She doesn't respect your wishes (or rules, however you framed them). I'd be annoyed, too, that she can afford cigarettes, but leaves you unpaid. She's taking advantage, and I'd imagine that her general attitude might be part of the reason her mother kicked her out.

I'd evict as soon as possible and never look back. If she were truly that desperate for a place to stay, she'd have been a better lodger and not quit her job until she had a new one lined up. On top of that, she's supposed to be a friend, but she's not acting like one.

[Italiangreyhound]

I;d make the reason both the things, the rent arears and also the fact she doesn't respect the rules.

She is putting your safety at risk as well as her own if she is bringing random men into the house who she has met on line. Very unwise.

[Toomanygerbils]

Sorry I am late to the party so don’t know the background. Do you have a formal agreement in place or is it just a friend lodging? If there’s no formal agreement/contract then you can just tell her you want the house to yourself and she has to leave ASAP. If there’s a contract you need to give notice and refund deposit, but you have a good reason for this as she’s not abiding to your terms, as long as they were in writing. Otherwise if she’s the type she could just refuse to leave and await a court judgement, I don’t know enough of your relationship to say if this is likely

[TalaxuArmiuna]

a week's notice is absolutely fine. this is your home, it's not like a shorthold tenancy - your own rights to have a secure place to live are in the balance and the law certainly doesn't require you to share your home when it isn't working out.

issue a week's notice in writing, including a statement of rent arrears owed. that document will enable her to talk to the council and get a place in a hostel until she can get herself sorted enough to rent reliably. she is not your problem.

[Throwawaytheatre]

Still no sleep - They are now having sex again. (Or possibly trampolining on the bed?)

Lord give me strength; I might not need to evict her, I might end up murdering her.

[GrockleRock]

No way could I live like that OP

Ive just got up to make tea & toast as I cant sleep, my anxiety would be through the roof If strange man was here all of a sudden.

You know nothing about him, she is putting you in a very dangerous situation.

Your home is your safe space. This is totally unacceptable.

[MzHz]

If I were you I’d write her a letter now to tell her that she has a week to move out and if she breaks your house rules again by bringing back randoms, she’s out on her ear in 24 hours.

Notice is reasonable. She’s jeopardised your safety and home security and she’s broken the contract you had with her by doing so AND not paying you.

[Frownette]

Grockle it would be awful wouldn't it!! Waking up to shagging all over the place

In my last place an old boyfriend wanted to visit and I said but you can't stay here (housemate). It wasn't for sex, but still, I thought housemate wouldn't like it

[Thinkingabout1t]

Absolutely agree and just adding my voice so you know you have all the insomniacs on your side! Seriously, this woman is a CF. having given
up her job she now owes you money and is putting you in danger by bringing strangers into your house at night. Chuck her out asap.

If you want to stay friends you can give her advice on sorting her life out.

[Amatteroftime]

Still no sleep - They are now having sex again. (Or possibly trampolining on the bed?)

Depending how brave you are, I'd go and tell them to stfu

[Amatteroftime]

Also OP, YANBU, I'd have her our within a week. Where she goes is not your problem.