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AIBU?

My Boyfriend wants a baby and I don't.

68 replies

burlesquexo · 23/02/2020 15:19

Long story but
Basically I had a baby 4 years ago with my ex partner wasn't an amazing relationship I was Young 19 and it was abusive.
I at the time didn't want a baby but I went through with it with pride and do my very best at 24. I now am with a new guy he's lovely and sweet I'm always very careful as I don't want to have another baby but I'm his mind he really wants one. Well I'm currently 5 days late on my period and all negative tests he has all of a sudden become happy thinking I could be I've made it clear no I don't want one and he's now become moody with me and said it hurts because you can have a baby with your ex but not me?
Am I being spiteful by saying no or is he being unreasonable? Thanks 😊

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Squ1ggle · 23/02/2020 15:21

No one can make you have a baby and I would be wary of anyone who tried. You're still so young, why is he in such a rush?

datasgingercatspot · 23/02/2020 15:22

If you do not want a baby are you not using LARC with condoms every single time? That way there are not accidents. Also if you do not want a baby and find yourself pregnant you are well within your rights to cease to be pregnant.

Never a good idea to have a baby with a 'new' guy.

burlesquexo · 23/02/2020 15:22

@Squ1ggleexactly my point I don't want to have another baby or anything that serious so soon I want to relax and enjoy my life and the one I already have an relationship and take my time!

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BrunetteBuns · 23/02/2020 15:23

How long have you been with the new guy? Have you made it clear to him that you don’t want another baby at this time? If so, YABU.

If you haven’t made that clear, then you two need to talk. Especially if you’re taking precautions and he isn’t and clearly wants a baby

Drybird2020 · 23/02/2020 15:23

He is being completely unreasonable, and manipulative too. I hope your period arrives soon but if you are pregnant the decision about whether to continue is yours alone.

I don't agree with your view of him as sweet and nice, in your shoes I'd re-evaluate the relationship.

mortgagemadness9 · 23/02/2020 15:23

Would you like another baby in the future or do you not want another one at all? If it's the latter then I would say you need to part ways as you obviously want different things in life and resentment will only grow. I dated a man for nearly two years who was 11 years older than me and he wanted children at the time and I didn't as I felt I was too young (we dated two years ago so I was only 21 at the time) so we decided to move on.

Singlenotsingle · 23/02/2020 15:23

You can't have a baby at the drop of a hat just because he wants one. How old is he? Has he got a home for a child? What is he proposing to do to support the family? No you're not being spiteful. It sounds as though he's jealous of the child you've already got and wants to point-score.

burlesquexo · 23/02/2020 15:24

I have definitely made it very clear I don't! I'm always careful and make sure I take contraception and tracking app and we've been together for a year 🙂

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TopOfTheGherkin · 23/02/2020 15:24

You’re still young and you know the realities of being a parent. It’s no walk in the park. Don’t be pressurised in to creating a whole new life because your boyfriend is feeling insecure.

If he really wants a child with you he should be prepared to ensure you are both in a great place in your relationship, financially secure, preferably married and both absolutely ready.

Excited101 · 23/02/2020 15:24

He sounds incredibly immature and manipulative- I’d be running for the hills if I were you!

BrunetteBuns · 23/02/2020 15:25

If you’ve made it clear and have been together for some time then it’s your BF whose being UR.

TopOfTheGherkin · 23/02/2020 15:25

A year in to the relationship is way, way too soon. How old is he? He sounds immature if he thinks a year in you would be ready to make that huge commitment. Alarm bells.

Zilla1 · 23/02/2020 15:26

Entirely within your rights to decide what you want. Are you reasonably certain that your understandably negative experience of your ex hasn't affected your view of this in the context of your current relationship? You shouldn't have children if you are reasonably certain you don't want them, equally it would be unfortunate for your unpleasant ex's behaviour to affect your future relationship.

Your DP is equally right to decide what they want too. If you are certain, it might be helpful to ensure your DP has thought through the consequences.

Good luck.

burlesquexo · 23/02/2020 15:26

I would like to have another baby in the future just not now! He just feels insecure and threatened by my child's dad as it seems.

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burlesquexo · 23/02/2020 15:27

He is 27 🙂

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Zilla1 · 23/02/2020 15:27

That seems sensible (you, not him). Good luck.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 23/02/2020 15:28

This new guy is not “lovely and sweet”. He’s jealous of someone who is no longer in your life and is seeking to manipulate you. Carry on with this relationship at your peril! They only get worse

couchparsnip · 23/02/2020 15:29

He sounds a bit immature. He's not entitled to a baby because you had one with your ex.

burlesquexo · 23/02/2020 15:34

That's exactly how I feel! He's not entitled because I was young and made a choice at 19 doesn't mean I think of him any less I just don't want one right now! Thank you guys!

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Grumpos · 23/02/2020 15:34

Yeah the issue here isn’t that he wants a child with you it’s that he wants to have more control in the relationship and is jealous that you have a child with someone else.
Huge red flag.
It’s fine that he wants a baby and it’s perfectly normal for him to maybe even feel a little sad or deflated that you’re not ready and it’s probably totally fair if he wanted to end the relationship and find someone who is on the same page as him. What’s not fine is using emotional manipulation to either get you to agree or to punish you when you don’t agree.
If I were you I’d be making it VERY clear - shut the fuck up about the ex situation or there will be no relationship, let alone baby. If he can’t do this it’d be over.

MandalaYogaTapestry · 23/02/2020 15:35

Does he want to commit to you properly by marrying you first? Or does he just want a baby?

burlesquexo · 23/02/2020 15:41

@MandalaYogaTapestry he wants baby and marriage together he want a a future with me.

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burlesquexo · 23/02/2020 15:42

@Grumpos lmao I said exactly that go find someone else on the same page as you or shut up about something that happened to me at 19

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MandalaYogaTapestry · 23/02/2020 15:46

If he wants the future with you then surely there is no rush to come to any decisions for either of you.

datasgingercatspot · 23/02/2020 15:50

he wants baby and marriage together he want a a future with me.

So he's stepped up and sought counselling for being jealous and insecure about your ex and then after working through those issues and immaturity has a 5-year plan for your marriage, time being married before having a child, adopting your existing child perhaps, finances, etc.?

Thought not.

He's not 'lovely and sweet', he's just not as bad, yet, as your ex.

His attitude should be waving red flags to you. That they are not is worrying.

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