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AIBU?

To fire my friend

101 replies

nadgug · 23/02/2020 08:32

Just that really. She came in to help me one day and then assumed she had a job to fit around her childcare (2 half days a week).
Firstly, I didn't want anyone doing half days, it's too hard to fit around other staff and if the other person is sick I have no cover. I didn't offer her a job, she'd just assumed, and quite frankly, she's lazy. She spent a lot of time on her phone which left me to run the shop alone (it's not something anyone should run on their own).
I made a job list so she knew what she had to do. She still had to be asked and I ended up doing 90% of it.
She also brought her child in at half term which was fine if she was in the "designated area", obviously this didn't happen so I've now put a stop to that anyway, it's far too dangerous.
If it was anyone else I'd have let them go on the spot, I don't know how to do this without harming the friendship. I can blame the boss but I'd have to replace her so can't say it's due to cutting down hours etc. I'm really stuck. She's also been telling people she's running it with me! I know I should just tell her she's a CF and to piss off but she was quite a good mate.
(Namechanged as it's probably outing but been here a long time)

OP posts:
Standrewsschool · 23/02/2020 08:38

How long has she been there? Maybe give her a set of performance targets, and then if she fails, to stay it’s not working.

Ban all phones from the shop floor. Have you got a locker she can keep it in. Maybe she will do the jobs, if she’s not on the phone!

Have you talked to her about her role? Perhaps be tougher with her.

billybagpuss · 23/02/2020 08:39

Can you phase her out, if there’s no contract, arrange not to need her for a while.

Or sit down and say we haven’t talked formally about your roll here, now if you want the job permanently you will need to apply and it would be full days as otherwise we’d need someone else half days.

Or find someone else, then gushingly tell her what a massive help she’s been helping you out for a few weeks, she must be relieved not to have to anymore.

Insideimsprinting · 23/02/2020 08:43

You can't blame the boss, are you not the boss? Who would be firing her and who hired her and what was actually said.

If your firing and she's your friend your friendship is doomed and you do need to get shot quickly she sounds like she's taking the piss. If it's your business why the hell have you allowed this to continue, if it's not and your running it for someone else you should be running it like your own and again that means getting shot of her.
You've made a rod for your own back here don't let it continue. I own and run a small business you need to be very clear about employment conditions and expectations. Employees need to clearly understand what is expected of them and they need to fulfill that. They need to be employed on hours that suit the needs of the business and this agreed at the begining, clearly so there is no misunderstanding.
I really think you need to get this under control now.

PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 23/02/2020 08:49

I wouldn't give her targets or anything like that. It sounds like she'll always slip back into being lazy and will only work if being constantly monitored. I would explain that there has been a misunderstanding. There was never a part time post available as it's too complicated to have employees doing half days.

AJPTaylor · 23/02/2020 08:50

I would just say that the hours she is working don't suit the business.use recent half term as an example. There are 12 More weeks of school hols this year!

nadgug · 23/02/2020 08:52

@Standrewsschool 2 weeks! I don't have a locker but they could be kept in the back room. There's only ever 2 members of staff on and no other access so not like they'd go missing (there's only 5 staff total). Everyone's role is the same but I could discuss with her again. I'm not sure anything would change though.
@billybagpuss it's difficult because if I arrange not to meet her then have someone else in it's pretty obvious what I've done as I'd have to employ someone else. I love the idea of telling her she's been a massive help but she's already planning long term 
@Insideimsprinting I mean the owner. I should has been clearer. He's here a lot so I could blame him and he's ok with that. I totally agree with what you have written and that's exactly what I'm trying to do, I'm just trying to find the most sensitive way to do it but maybe you're right and it's doomed anyway

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nadgug · 23/02/2020 08:55

@PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall I think that's what I'll have to do. Thing is, it is too complicated to have staff doing half days. It wouldn't be so bad if she COULD come in earlier if I needed her to but she can't without her child and I can't have that

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nadgug · 23/02/2020 08:56

@AJPTaylor exactly. Even if she was a good employee I couldn't have her as a "maybe" due to childcare. Obviously occasionally things happen, kids get sick, childminders get sick, and I can cover that but long term it's just not plausible

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mallachy · 23/02/2020 09:01

I agree, tell her the hours she can work don't suit the business. You will replace her but with people that can work full days.

Tell her this is business and separate from your friendship. If she's mature she'll accept that although I am afraid she doesn't sound mature!

DartmoorDoughnut · 23/02/2020 09:03

Yep just tell her that the business can’t support the hours she wants so you’re sorry but she has to go

nadgug · 23/02/2020 09:05

That's what I'm going to do then. I'm sort of thinking that if it affects our friendship then it's not a great friendship anyway. I would also never do that to a friend, I would make sure she wanted to offer me a job first and I would work like a dog, not think I had an easy ride and be lazy!

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Insideimsprinting · 23/02/2020 09:05

I appreciate your trying to find a sensitive way to do it but it's a business. Your not dealing with a friendship issue here, you need to be quite formal about this with her dont allow your niceness to blur the lines.

General rule we have is don't employ family or friends, for some we dont like fixing fixing their cars as they don't like being treat like other customers and expect more favours. Don't let your friend do this she does need to know that at work the friendship, favours etc is left at the door and work head goes on.

CalmdownJanet · 23/02/2020 09:05

So you are the manager? Look i'm not being funny but you are a pretty shit manager if you have managed to let her hire herself, do fuck all and bring her kid to work all within 2 weeks. You need to fire her or the owner will realise how shit you ate and fire you "Hi Pamela, there are no hours for you this week, I'm not sure how it happened that you thought this was a regular thing but it's not, if things change I can keep you in mind of course but if I do hire it will be through interview like we always do"

dognamedspot · 23/02/2020 09:07

Oh good grief, this is a business you're talking about! You don't sit down and talk with a part-timer who's a lazy baggage and who has ignored what you've asked of them. Is it your decision, have you spoken to the boss? You caused this problem by allowing her to carry on when you didn't need her. Why on earth didn't you just stop it the first time she turned up when you hadn't asked her to? Has she been given a contract? Just tell her she's not needed any more, or get the boss to deal with it.

PleaseStopCallingMe · 23/02/2020 09:07

Do you want a lazy, lying, cheeky fucker as a mate anyway?

dognamedspot · 23/02/2020 09:08

"Hi Pamela, there are no hours for you this week, I'm not sure how it happened that you thought this was a regular thing but it's not, if things change I can keep you in mind of course but if I do hire it will be through interview like we always do"

Perfect. If she protests, or comes in anyway, just repeat that as many times as you need to.

mallachy · 23/02/2020 09:09

I also don't understand how she has barged her way in. Surely she would expect a contract, how has she just turned up to work? She sounds like she's taking the piss and for that reason not really respecting your friendship. No big loss if it doesn't survive.

No one needs an employee who only pulls their weight 10% of the time, sits in their phone and only works the hours to suit them with disregard for others.

TheNoiseHurts · 23/02/2020 09:11

When my mate gave me a job for a while, I worked my arse to the bone. I felt like I had to work harder if anything.

Your mate is taking the piss.

nadgug · 23/02/2020 09:12

I'm a shit manager? Well thank you for your vote of confidence. The whole place needed a turn around, this is the one thing that got away from me because I had no staff and seemed like a good idea at the time because she was excited about it, I thought she'd put the work in. I wouldn't normally hire friends, lesson learned

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nadgug · 23/02/2020 09:13

@PleaseStopCallingMe no not really when you put it like that!

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PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 23/02/2020 09:13

Hi Pamela, there are no hours for you this week, I'm not sure how it happened that you thought this was a regular thing but it's not, if things change I can keep you in mind of course but if I do hire it will be through interview like we always do

This is great!

nadgug · 23/02/2020 09:14

@dognamedspot yes it's my decision. My boss is too nice and doesn't want to be involved with staffing issues like this, which is fair enough as it's my job to deal with it.

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dognamedspot · 23/02/2020 09:14

You're not a shit manager, your "friend" abused your friendship. But you owe her nothing and if she's only been there two weeks it's easy to sort out. You don't need to give any excuses or reasons, just tell her she's not needed any more. If you give her any excuses she can jump into them. If she is a friend this should be fine with her, if she's a cheeky fucker who knows what she's up to it won't be.

nadgug · 23/02/2020 09:15

@mallachy contracts have been very loose and verbal up until now. This will be changing but I'm in the process of getting contracts drawn up. They worked on loose verbal contracts previously but it's yet another thing that needs to change

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CalmdownJanet · 23/02/2020 09:17

Well a good manager doesn't allow someone else to hire themselves, be a shit constantly worker while they are there, bring there kid to work and then need to help on how to let the cf go without ruining their friendship so sorry if that sounds mean but yes you are a pretty shit manager, it's a fairly big thing to have let passed you. You asked for advise not a vote of confidence

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