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AIBU?

Gave someone DH's phone number and he lost it!

61 replies

Nightterrrror · 23/02/2020 03:51

DSS's mum has a history of mental health and has put herself and DSS in dangerous situations. Still has custody, shared with DH. She cycles and has periods of stability and instability.
Last night out of the blue I get a FB message from her sister asking for DH's number to have a chat or arrange for us to meet because she is concerned. I'm immediately sent both our numbers saying of course call anytime. Then went off to tell DH. He went nuts saying I was interfering and shouldn't have given out his details (or mine) AIBU? Was this wrong, I was just worried for DSS!

OP posts:

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Bezalelle · 23/02/2020 03:55

YABU. You shouldn't have given his number out without asking him first.

Frownette · 23/02/2020 03:58

Do you know if he gets on with the sister?

Nightterrrror · 23/02/2020 04:00

Yes always been very civil when I've seen them. Always very friendly with her husband. No issue that I'm aware of.

OP posts:

Frownette · 23/02/2020 04:00

@Nightterrrror actually I don't think you did anything wrong, the more people who look out for them the better

Upsiedasie · 23/02/2020 04:06

I think he’s overreacting. In this situation, involving his son, you haven’t done anything wrong imo.

wibdib · 23/02/2020 04:16

Thought you were annoyed because the person you had given it tohad lost the telephone number - never occurred it would be your dh getting upset.

Even reading it to start with was assuming you had given it to a random man for whatever reason - which could be annoying but as soon as you said it was effectively your dss’s aunt was thinking it was sensible in the circumstances, doubly so when you said they got on well.

Is he worried that she will give his number to anyone else? Assume his ex already has it. Or ring at a bad time? Or ???

Think you did the right thing. If his ex is heading to problems and she can see warning signs you’d absolutely think he would be pleased to have a heads up and someone looking out for dss.

Nightterrrror · 23/02/2020 04:21

No we had a huge fight over it. (Should maybe get the title changed !)
She has a difficult family and he's worried that it could get passed on to someone else.

OP posts:

Kirkman · 23/02/2020 04:21

I would expect to be asked before anyone gave my number out.

Josette77 · 23/02/2020 04:28

Why didn't you ask him first?

Nightterrrror · 23/02/2020 04:29

I just got a fright and panicked thinking something bad had happened!

OP posts:

BadToast · 23/02/2020 04:31

Tbh OP, I think most people like to be asked before their number is given out. However your heart was in the right place and you were just thinking about the wellbeing of DSS's mum.

You know to ask him next time before you give it out.

As for him telling you, you were interfering. Tell him to check himself, because the message was sent to you on FB not him and you can reply to whomever you damn well want. The cheeky bastard.

Kirkman · 23/02/2020 04:34

But if she can fb messenger you, she can call you without having your number.

It would have taken a few seconds to ask dh this. She has a difficult family, he knows them. I am sure he concerns are genuine.

Nightterrrror · 23/02/2020 04:34

See I don't see it as a big deal. My number is all over the internet and not hard to find. That's why I find it strange that anyone is bothered.

OP posts:

BlackCatSleeping · 23/02/2020 04:50

It’s a little confusing, but basically you gave his Ex his number and yours? Is that right? I can see why he’s upset. Why didn’t you talk to him first? Perhaps she has harassed him by text in the past.

Biancadelrioisback · 23/02/2020 04:51

Why is your number all over the internet?

I don't give out my number unless absolutely necessary.

Nightterrrror · 23/02/2020 04:54

Google my name and top hit is my work's website. My name/email and phone no. are listed. I gave his ex's sister both our numbers.

OP posts:

Kirkman · 23/02/2020 05:04

You have the right to give anyone your phone number.

However, if my ex in laws contacted dp, I would expect him to speak to me first. Even if he was happy for them to have his number.

Just like if his exwife family contact me I would speak to him first.

Again, since she messaged you on facebook, she could ring you on there. Not sure why she needed your number

I presume she doesnt know enough about you to think about googling you.

So was there an emergency?

Nightterrrror · 23/02/2020 05:06

I have apologised to DH.

OP posts:

GiveHerHellFromUs · 23/02/2020 05:07

Most people's phone numbers aren't all over the internet, though.

You probably should've asked but he massively overreacted.

Monty27 · 23/02/2020 05:16

Oh dear. Be prepared

poopbear · 23/02/2020 05:23

You should have asked first tbh but it’s not exactly a stranger. In fact, it’s actually nice and beneficial if you all get on and chat. Extended family etc. For him to go nuts just makes that whole thing difficult. In my opinion he should be happy and encouraging for supportive relationships in that area. Makes it easier for all the kids surely. If he doesn’t want people contacting him then just ignore and block any messages that come through. It’s not a big deal. He’s not the royal family who needs ultra protecting from thousands of would be callers. The whole thing is a bit precious princess from his side. Does he need a bodyguard and a chauffeur too because he’s obviously so important

Monty27 · 23/02/2020 05:33

You have to realise they didn't have his number for a reason. You've been duped by them. I hope he understands your niaevity (sorry don't know how to spell it)

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Kirkman · 23/02/2020 05:38

In fact, it’s actually nice and beneficial if you all get on and chat. Extended family etc.

Op says the whole family is difficult and he is worried she will pass the number on.

He has jo obligation to get on with the rest of the family and, that might, even make it harder

No one would tell a mother she needs to be play nice with her ex family. Especially when her ex is a drug addict and his family are difficult.

Given that it seems theres not an actual emergency, like op was lead to believe by the sister. I am sure the dh knows his exs family, far more than op or any of us does.

alexdgr8 · 23/02/2020 05:38

you seem a little blase about privacy and internet security.
do be careful of ID fraud, it is so prevalent.
are you younger than your partner, your attitude would concern me.
you should have referred the matter to him immediately, not taken unilateral action in disclosing his details without his consent. it was for him to speak to this person and decide what to do.
if you were my partner i too would be concerned that we were not on the same page, and that would disturb and worry me.

BoomBoomsCousin · 23/02/2020 05:40

I understand the concern over your DSS, but if he hasn't provided them with his number already, I would have assumed there's probably a reason for that. His reaction seems a bit extreme - what's done is done, he's concerned over what might happen, not what definitely will and you've apologized. But I think you should have said you'd get DH to call her, not just passed his number on.

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