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To be bloody done with "D" H and thinking he's had more than enough chances.

(168 Posts)
DivorceIsOnTheHorizon Sat 22-Feb-20 19:34:09

We've been together 6 years this years married for 3 (the last two being rough as hell)

He's always been... useless however less so now than when we first met. He was by definition a man child (couldn't cook, couldn't wash his own things, use a dishwasher etc It got to the point when I had DC2 I had to write him pictures/details instructions on how to use the dishwasher/washing machine etc whilst I recovered from my section. Even then I was doing chores he refused to do less than a week later. Despite that I loved him and married him He then proceeded to get worse (believe it or not) and as well as doing nothing round the house he then added in sleeping all the time and by all the time we're talking 40+ hours over the span of 3 days if he wasn't sleeping he was lounging in bed or drinking.

I had enough in 2018 and said unless he changed that was it. He moved back into his mums and it seemed after a long while he improved. Living apart seemed to benefit us but he slowly started to slip.

It all came to a head yesterday Im currently pregnant suffering with PGP/SPD, being the main parent to DS1/2 as well as working. The midwife has told me the usual of no heavy lifting/take it easy etc but if I don't do anything it just doesn't get done. for example I went to see my mum with DS1, I asked him to take the suitcase upstairs when I got home. It sat there for 2 weeks before I finally dragged it upstairs, the washing I asked him to put on sits there until I do it.

He sits on his phone whilst I do dinner for everyone cause If I don't nobody else will. Finally yesterday as he watched me take 2 baskets of washing upstairs, supervise the kids upstairs, sorting out their rooms and he sat downstairs "reading the news" I told him if he wasn't going to help with the washing the least he could do was do the kids dinner. He kicked off saying it wasn't his house why should he have to do it and "fuck this shit" before he stormed off to work nearly 2 hours early.

It then came out unbeknown to me that when the kids were going to his he wasn't doing anything with them there! His mum is doing their washing, dinners/lunch/breakfast, tidying up after them. He forgets to wash them or to tell them to brush their teeth and they're confined to the spare room and his room in the upstairs of his house. DS1 doesn't even have a bed frame for his bed as he took it away saying it was "too noisy" and DS2 sleeps in bed with him (Despite myself, the SENCo team etc telling him that him doing things like that hinders DS2).

I told him I was tired of either badgering him to do the most simplest of things or having to just do them myself with no help which lately means Im struggling to walk by the end of the day, because "I'll do it tomorrow" really means never. Apparently I'm being unreasonable and its unreasonable and selfish of me to expect him to help me when he goes to work.

AIBU in thinking fuck this shit and applying for a divorce?

Hoodygoody111 Sat 22-Feb-20 19:36:51

YANBU
Set yourself free OP. I can absolutely guarantee however bad it is now, it will get progressively worse. You will regret not walking away if you don’t do it flowers

GorkyMcPorky Sat 22-Feb-20 19:39:35

To clarify, are you living separately anyway?

Toria70 Sat 22-Feb-20 19:39:57

How many times does he have to show you who he is before you believe him?

I'm staggered you'd have 3 children who has no intention of acting like an adult. His Mum has enabled him and you're just carrying on after her.

BuffaloCauliflower Sat 22-Feb-20 19:41:46

Im surprised you’ve kept going this long to be honest. He’s literally never been a functional adult by the sound of it, this is a waste of your time

DivorceIsOnTheHorizon Sat 22-Feb-20 19:42:15

He's 50/50 between my house and his mums

Ds1 isn't DH and was born before I met him, neither ds2 nor this one were planned

user1471449295 Sat 22-Feb-20 19:43:37

YANBU to divorce him.
YABU to keep having kids with this useless man-child, when he showed you very early on who he was.

DivorceIsOnTheHorizon Sat 22-Feb-20 19:45:24

@BuffaloCauliflower to be honest I'm surprised it's taking me this long.

CalleighDoodle Sat 22-Feb-20 19:46:52

Why would you continue to have children with a man-child who has no respect for you and gives zero shits about his existing children?! He hasnt suddenly become this.

YABU for allowing him to continue to behave like this in your home.
YABU for thinking adding another child to this horrible mess was in any way a good idea.

Whynosnowyet Sat 22-Feb-20 19:47:02

Omg get rid...

DivorceIsOnTheHorizon Sat 22-Feb-20 19:47:10

@user1471449295 as I said DS1 isn't his and was here before I met him, DS2 and this one wasn't planned I was actually on contraceptive

CalleighDoodle Sat 22-Feb-20 19:48:02

DS1 isnt his, but you sent him to his house when you were separated? Why? And to sleep on the floor? Wtf?!?!

CalleighDoodle Sat 22-Feb-20 19:48:20

What contraceptive?

ScarlettBlaize Sat 22-Feb-20 19:48:48

Your contraception is shit.

MotherofDinosaurs Sat 22-Feb-20 19:49:07

For the love of God anyone deserves better than this. What can you possibly love about someone who has so little empathy! Run for the hills!

CalleighDoodle Sat 22-Feb-20 19:49:18

Your contraception is shit

More likely used wrong.

Winterwoollies Sat 22-Feb-20 19:49:57

I’m furious just reading that. How do these people become so lazy and so fucking entitled? Ugh.

DivorceIsOnTheHorizon Sat 22-Feb-20 19:50:14

Why would I punish him? Why would I send DS2 and turn round and not let DS1 go confusedhmm As far as I knew the man that had been a father figure for him from a toddler was being a reasonable parent

DojaCat Sat 22-Feb-20 19:50:54

Good thing you're divorcing him.

I have to nag my DP to do stuff around the house and take care of his own child and its put me off having another one, even though I'd love to give DD a sibling.

Biancadelrioisback Sat 22-Feb-20 19:50:56

Sorry I got slightly confused. So you're pregnant with your 3rd and are living separately?

DivorceIsOnTheHorizon Sat 22-Feb-20 19:51:39

I can't use the coil nor the injection wrong hmm

FudgeBrownie2019 Sat 22-Feb-20 19:51:54

YANBU. How anyone can find an inept adult human being attractive is beyond me. How you've tolerated him this long is also beyond me.

Do what you need to do and get it over with. Prolonging the ending won't make it any happier. flowers

Biancadelrioisback Sat 22-Feb-20 19:52:29

Ah sorry, my phone didn't refresh so didn't see any of your updates

DivorceIsOnTheHorizon Sat 22-Feb-20 19:52:55

@Biancadelrioisback yes

SeasonallySnowyPeasant Sat 22-Feb-20 19:53:28

Dump him. Get better contraception.

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