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worried about 10yo going to mens toilets alone

(204 Posts)
KisforKoala Fri 21-Feb-20 23:52:52

This has never been an issue before, DS (10) has always gone in the mens with DH if we're all together, with friends (so not alone) if we're out, in the baby change if it's just me and I take them all in with me, or alone in a kiddie type place where everyone is either a child or parent (soft play/disney on ice/ farm etc.)


We're going to Harry Potter World tomorrow, just the 2 of us and it will be mostly men rather than boys using the toilets. Obviously, he's too old to go in the womens with me so he'll have to ho alone but AIBU to be worried? Or am I just too naive and have to finally admit I have a pre-teen and I can no longer control everything.

DustyMaiden Fri 21-Feb-20 23:53:52

I would take him in the ladies.

DecemberSnow Fri 21-Feb-20 23:53:56

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KisforKoala Fri 21-Feb-20 23:56:19

@DecemberSnow umm....no. He's not disabled 😖

Keanuismine Fri 21-Feb-20 23:57:29

Why are you so anxious about this? What age do you think he will be okay in the men's on his own? He has to start staged independence somewhere and Harry Potter seems a good place to start. Why not see what happens and if he's happy to go in let him.

KisforKoala Fri 21-Feb-20 23:57:32

@DustyMaiden would you? I'd be interested to see if more people agree. I thought 10 was too old but I'd definitely be happier with that.

Hoik Fri 21-Feb-20 23:58:42

Don't send him into the disabled toilet hmm

My oldest DS is 10yo and if he needs the loo I stand outside the men's toilets while he goes. He gets told he has five minutes and then I'm coming in looking for him although it's never happened yet. It was daunting sending him in alone for the first time but he's autistic and it's one of the small ways in which we're trying to increase his independence.

Really, send him while you wait outside the door. He will be fine.

theThreeofWeevils Fri 21-Feb-20 23:58:55

You have a pre-teen and can no longer control everything. Can't see that there's much of an issue, tbh.

Tombakersscarf Fri 21-Feb-20 23:59:11

Just stand outside the door.

Hohofortherobbers Fri 21-Feb-20 23:59:36

He's 10!! Unless there's other issues he should be trusted to use a toilet independently surely?

Hoik Sat 22-Feb-20 00:01:07

FWIW, 8yo uses the Ladies unaccompanied now too as it's often easier to send her in alone than leave 10yo DS standing outside by himself (prone to wandering).

KisforKoala Sat 22-Feb-20 00:01:42

@Keanuismine because it's an adult place rather than kids place, and the size of it. He has plenty of indepence for his age, walks to the shops/home from school alone. He won't care 1 bit! It's just me that worries.

LaBelleSauvage Sat 22-Feb-20 00:04:56

Just tell him you'll be waiting outside if he's nervous. 10 is far too old to be in the ladies and if he's not diaabled he shouldn't be in the disabled toilet.
It's the Harry Potter loos not the toilet scene from Trainspotting.

TaniaArse Sat 22-Feb-20 00:07:10

What exactly are you worried about?

buckeejit Sat 22-Feb-20 00:08:59

My ds is 10 & goes to men's toilets alone. We went to HP recently & he took a long time & I shouted in through the door when a man came out 'X are you ok?' He was on his way out & was able to shout 'coming now'

Has he a phone? Would it reassure you if he had one with a timer?

70isaLimitNotaTarget Sat 22-Feb-20 00:10:53

My DS started scooting off to the mens on his own about Yr 5 I think.

We just told him to go in, pee, wash his hands and don't talk to anyone .

The only time I was nervous was at a Motorway Service , I stood outside and glared at the blokes going in blush

rededucator Sat 22-Feb-20 00:11:39

OP why will it be mostly men and not boys using the toilet?

Justloungingaround Sat 22-Feb-20 00:12:16

I think you just have to let him use the toilet. I have a boy similar in age. It's too old to use the women's.

I understand your concerns though, I feel the same, I'm not sure why people are acting confused as to why you worry.

Keanuismine Sat 22-Feb-20 00:15:33

So what are you worried about and at what age can he go alone?

Scoobydoobywho Sat 22-Feb-20 00:15:45

Our 8 Yr old ds goes mainly into the men's toilets on his own. I always tell him to go in a cubicle and lock the door. As of yet I am not comfortable with him using a urinal whilst on his own. He is on the autism spectrum and very trusting, so will wait until I'm happy for him to go to the urinals.

HoHoHolly Sat 22-Feb-20 00:16:59

If you let him walk home alone, then taking him into the ladies' or using the accessible toilet would be totally OTT. He's hardly going to find himself alone, cornered by someone dodgy in such a busy place.

I'm sure there will be tonnes of boys at Harry Potter on a weekend in half term anyway.

Episcomama Sat 22-Feb-20 00:18:14

My 5 year old son goes in men's bathrooms with me waiting outside. At 10 it wouldn't even enter my head to be concerned about it!

SpaghettiSharon Sat 22-Feb-20 00:19:52

I don’t understand why you think it’ll be mostly men? Where will all the boys be? There are hundreds of them at the HP Studios. I’ve got two boys over 8, they use the toilets alone. The world isn’t full of men wanting to hurt your kids - much as some of MN would sadly have you believe.

Ozgirl75 Sat 22-Feb-20 00:20:51

Totally understand your concerns - especially as over here in Aus we have a terrible case at the moment where a 7 year old was raped and beaten in the loos where her sister was having a dance class. I know it’s rare but still.

I am very relaxed about things like my 9 year old staying home for short periods by himself, cycling to the shops with his younger brother 5 k away, walking to his sports club by himself but I hate him going into the men’s loos.

In general we go to the family loos if we’re out together and if not, I also stand outside the men’s loos and make it pretty obvious that I’m waiting for a child when other men go in.

Wallywobbles Sat 22-Feb-20 00:22:36

I think it's reasonable to worry about him getting lost but it's probably unrealistic to think that any bad is going to happen to him the actual loos.

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