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For being hurt by a stressed bride?

(158 Posts)
Alracalpaca Fri 21-Feb-20 20:21:47

My friend of 6 years got married last weekend. I was a bridesmaid. She had been pretty much a nightmare throughout the entire planning process, acting like a toddler and throwing tantrums at the drop of a hat. For example, she screamed and slammed doors when she went shopping with her maid of honor and didn't find anything she liked (they went shopping for fun, not looking for anything specific).

Anyway, I live in a different country now so I flew back for the wedding (11-hour flight) and then went for a dress fitting the next morning (the dress fit no problem as I had sent my measurements to the dressmaker the week before). I had lost some weight because I haven't been well (Crohn's disease). She immediately commented on it and I told her I had been sick and changed the subject. She didn't ask any follow-up questions and we went on with wedding activities. It might be worth mentioning that she spoke non-stop about her own (planned) weight loss during the preceding months and weeks, so she is a little obsessive.

I helped her pack and drove to the venue, where I (and the other bridesmaids) started doing whatever she needed. However, she was SO disorganized, making it really challenging to get stuff done. We managed in the end, but she would get angry if we asked her for more information or any assistance we needed.

I was still cutting and pasting the guest book instructions in a frame, writing and folding place cards and trying to figure out the seating chart that she had changed the night before ON THE DAY OF THE WEDDING. I also crashed my rental car trying to transport food (and had to play it down or she would have been angry).

She didn't like her bouquet created by the florist so I redid it an hour before the ceremony. And throughout all of this, she was telling anyone who would listen that her bridesmaids were doing nothing and were not helping at all.

When I was finally dressed and finished doing my makeup, she told me I was not allowed to walk near her going down the aisle. And then, during her husband's speech he said: "And to Resident who came from overseas, we are so happy your dress fit because apparently you lost some weight." He is not the type to notice or care about something like appearances, and his speech was written, so I knew she was behind it.

I was so humiliated and hurt and just overwhelmed by everything so I burst into tears. Another bridesmaid saw and comforted me. Later she told the bride that I had been very upset. The bride texted me today and asked why I was so upset, and acted like I was overreacting and misreading all her "sarcastic comments," implying that I am too sensitive. She seems really annoyed.

Am I wrong to feel upset and hurt? She doesn't seem to think she is in the wrong, and maybe I should be more forgiving because brides are stressed.

PooWillyBumBum Fri 21-Feb-20 20:23:33

I wouldn’t be flying back to see her again.

Whynosnowyet Fri 21-Feb-20 20:25:19

Imo be glad her dh has to deal with her tantrums from now on....

Lamplighter234 Fri 21-Feb-20 20:25:32

You are not in the wrong at all, I have crohns too and losing weight through a flare is a bad, hard physical process. She sounds like she lacks understanding.
I would back off from her for a while as she sounds like she’s on full in bridezilla phase still.

Pipandmum Fri 21-Feb-20 20:27:24

Its one thing being a pain in the butt in the lead up to the wedding, but to have her husband single you out by name in the speech? Unbievable. She's jealous. Take the moral high road, but I don't think she's worth doing anything else for her.

puds11 Fri 21-Feb-20 20:29:43

You would only be unreasonable if you continued a ‘friendship’ with her. Utterly disgusting! I’m sure if you needed too, you’d much rather have to loose weight through diet and exercise than through a nasty flare up! People really don’t understand but to highlight it in a speech is disgusting!

ThanosSavedMe Fri 21-Feb-20 20:30:49

She was a bitch. She probably always has been but you’ve not noticed. Leave her to it, you can’t change what happened, you won’t make her see what a bitch she was

RiotAndAlarum Fri 21-Feb-20 20:35:25

If you don't feel up to a confrontation (and, from the tentative tone of your OP, you don't like confrontation), ypu can ghost her with a clear conscience. She doesn't deserve more kindness than that.

Thehop Fri 21-Feb-20 20:35:55

She was a complete twat. Smile and stay well clear

StoneofDestiny Fri 21-Feb-20 20:37:37

Since when did getting married give a person free rein to treat friends like skivvies, insult them and show no gratitude towards them?

They sound like a rude couple who don't deserve your friendship.

amiapropermum Fri 21-Feb-20 20:39:39

I was a bridesmaid for somebody who was angry because her other bridesmaid's parent died a month before the wedding. Apparently the other bridesmaid's grief took from her big day. They haven't spoken since the day of the wedding and the bride no longer speaks to me either

Babybel90 Fri 21-Feb-20 20:42:06

With an attitude like that I’m willing to bet she was more interested in having a wedding than being married and will be divorced within the year!

She doesn’t sound very nice, I’d probably drop her if I were you.

Drum2018 Fri 21-Feb-20 20:43:46

She was a complete bitch and I wouldn't have anything to do with her or her fucking stupid Dh again. How thick is he to pass comment on anyone's weight in his speech? Unfollow them on SM and be thankful you live so far away from them!

Dozer Fri 21-Feb-20 20:45:00

Shocking behaviour, even by bridezilla standards!

Avoid her in future.

OhCaptain Fri 21-Feb-20 20:45:32

That’s just a weird comment anyway is it not?

I wouldn’t have cried about it just been a bit bemused confused

It’s not her fault you crashed your car but everything else - she just sounds like an absolute nightmare! Not a friend I’d be interested in keeping.

Waveysnail Fri 21-Feb-20 20:47:51

I'd say my bit and leave it. I wouldnt make an effort to see her again

Clangus00 Fri 21-Feb-20 20:49:30

Fuck her, jealous bitch.
That would be that “friendship” over & done with.

LonginesPrime Fri 21-Feb-20 20:52:33

And to Resident who came from overseas, we are so happy your dress fit because apparently you lost some weight

The groom used his wedding speech to make snide comments about the bride's friend's weight?

The fact that either of them thought that was appropriate and the fact they had nothing more positive to say about each other in their bloody wedding speeches says it all.

I'd cut all contact, OP - they're utter shits.

1Morewineplease Fri 21-Feb-20 20:53:36

She sounds very precious.
I’d ditch her as a friend immediately and if she asks, tell her exactly why.

Sceptre86 Fri 21-Feb-20 20:55:43

She is a bitch. This friendship has run its course. Block her and move on. Do not waste your time, energy or your tears on a person like this. Ggood lunch to her and her new husband, chances are they will need ot as he sounds like a turd too.

Dizzygirl00 Fri 21-Feb-20 20:55:54

She’s an arsehole, you’re better off without her 💐

Sceptre86 Fri 21-Feb-20 20:56:23

It should say good luck not lunch

QuiteTiredOut Fri 21-Feb-20 20:58:07

I’d text her and say that getting married is not an excuse to be a fucking bitch towards your bridesmaids. Then don’t contact her again.

Cherrysoup Fri 21-Feb-20 20:58:52

The groom is as bad as her. Both horrible and not worth your time. I’d be lessening contact.

BessMarvin Fri 21-Feb-20 20:59:09

Is this new behaviour for her as it's hard to imagine how she has friends if that's normal?

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