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To be upset I wasn’t told?

(34 Posts)
MayDayHelp Thu 20-Feb-20 22:12:49

Just in case...the daily mail is a steaming pile of horse shit.

I found out today that my DF has remarried. Via WhatsApp. I’m shocked and quite upset. I was notified in a group conversation along with my siblings and cousins.

I know it’s his day his roolz blah blah blah, but I’m hurt that he has only announced it post-event and not even with a phone call.

Guess I should be happy for him but I’m struggling.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Thu 20-Feb-20 22:14:09

I’d be pissed off. Why wouldn’t he have told you? Have you disapproved of the engagement?

Crunchymum Thu 20-Feb-20 22:14:42

Given your lack of info, I am assuming it was an elopement and nobody knew. Not a family wedding you were the only person excluded from?

Whynosnowyet Thu 20-Feb-20 22:14:45

As a dc my df remarried. Evey dc in the family there except me.
Told me a week later.
Relationship was minimal afer that and nil from my 20's.
Some dps are twats.

CastleCrasher Thu 20-Feb-20 22:14:55

F as in father, rather than friend? Ouch! Are you usually in contact?

CSIblonde Thu 20-Feb-20 22:15:50

I'm sorry OP. Was he maybe avoiding a negative reaction off you? Do you get on generally? Or does he have form for being a bit thoughtless? People usually stick to their default pattern behaviour wise.

Crunchymum Thu 20-Feb-20 22:16:18

Sorry, I see you say you found out same time as your siblings and cousins.

So your DF and his partner eloped?

MayDayHelp Thu 20-Feb-20 22:36:15

They got engaged over 7 years ago, been together maybe 9? Before they met me and my DF were close and talked a lot, but she has been quite successful at slowly driving me and my siblings away. Now we don’t really speak that often, which is sad. My DC hardly know him, but that’s his choice I guess.

Darbs76 Thu 20-Feb-20 22:39:25

I think you’ve answered your own question, they probably didn’t think you’d approve and didn’t want that. Can understand you feeling upset though.

MayDayHelp Thu 20-Feb-20 22:43:52

I don’t think it’s that, I mean I’m not mad on her (have never made that obvious and have always been perfectly pleasant towards her) but they didn’t tell anyone, not just me.

Rosspoldarkssaddle Thu 20-Feb-20 23:06:24

My DF married and did not invite us or.tell us about it. We were kids at the time. I think I would be hurt too. Maybe they did not want the fuss?

phoenixrosehere Thu 20-Feb-20 23:20:28

They’ve been engaged for 7 years, eloped, and instead of calling everyone individually, they announced it on WhatsApp?

So you weren’t left out since they hadn’t told anyone until now and you’re distant from your father because of her?

I’d give them the benefit of the doubt tbh. Sounds like they just went ahead and got it done without dealing with the fuss and stress of a wedding.

I don’t think it’s that, I mean I’m not mad on her (have never made that obvious and have always been perfectly pleasant towards her) but they didn’t tell anyone, not just me.

You may think it’s not obvious, but maybe your dad and her can tell. Some people can tell the difference if someone is being polite for the sake of it.

MayDayHelp Thu 20-Feb-20 23:53:42

Trying not to drip feed but struggling to process this all - he was completely emotionally absent when I was a child resulting in some ‘daddy issues’ for me (which I’ve talked through in counselling). All of my partners have been significantly older. We became closer during/after my parents divorce and then he disappeared again when he met his new now wife.

This just feels like the final kick in the teeth really.

springydaff Fri 21-Feb-20 00:09:09

He sounds a bit of a dick. Always has been, always will be sad

That's nothing to do with you, though. He's a dick because he's a dick, he's not a dick because of you.

Crap parents are pants flowers

CyberNan Fri 21-Feb-20 00:13:38

so what has the daily mail got to do with this?

SmallChickBilly Fri 21-Feb-20 01:55:48

It sounds like having him in your life has been more of a negative experience than a positive one for you. Is your relationship worth the heartache?

Maduixa Fri 21-Feb-20 02:15:39

Is it possible he just didn't consider it a big deal? They've been engaged for ages, presumably living together - maybe he just sees the actual marriage as a formality? I wouldn't look at it as a "kick in the teeth" (something he did deliberately to hurt you) unless you have other reasons to think that. His severely distancing himself from you because of his relationship is shite, though.

Mummyoflittledragon Fri 21-Feb-20 02:50:47

It sounds to me as though he didn’t want to parent you. Then you were a substitute wife while he was single. Then he no longer needed you once he had his fiancée. I see you are blaming her. Perhaps she didn’t help. But parents, who want to stay connected to their children generally would not accept this.

eeehbyegum Fri 21-Feb-20 03:36:08

I’m very sorry for you. He and she are an arse.

Horrible to be blindsided like that. He’s your dad and you should expect to know significant info. sad

LorenzoStDubois Fri 21-Feb-20 04:11:12

Just because he's a father, doesn't mean he's not a colossal twat.
I'd leave them to it.
They both sounds like knobs.

he needn't come knocking when he's looking to dodge the nursing home in later years either.

Toomanygerbils Fri 21-Feb-20 04:48:42

He didn’t elope then, he just decided he didn’t want you there. I’m sorry it’s hurt your feelings but his wedding is about him and his wife. Regardless what’s gone on between you he wanted a happy day and having you there wasn’t that sad

Toomanygerbils Fri 21-Feb-20 04:50:38

Would you have helped make it a happy day in reality Op???

Plump82 Fri 21-Feb-20 05:01:04

I think this is more about how he patented you than him getting married and not telling you. Anyone's entitled to do that. Especially when they've been together so long

ButtonandPickle19 Fri 21-Feb-20 05:11:45

Getting married in secret is ok, I think it’s the WhatsApp message after I think is awful. He should have called you. You said he wasn’t there emotionally, maybe that part of his thinking is a little thoughtless

Weffiepops Fri 21-Feb-20 05:17:03

Sorry op, my dads wife has done the same. They had a family wedding but us kids weren't invited. She's slowly pushed us out, we didn't get so much as a Christmas card or happy new year text from dad as she's done such a good job of getting rid of us. thanks

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